


wash the brush, beat the devil out of it

by elaineroyal



Category: Life and Death - Stephenie Meyer, Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, Midnight Sun, Twilight AU, artsy lesbians, edythe pov, gaywakening, mentions of bi!rosalie?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-08-20 16:12:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 52,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16558961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elaineroyal/pseuds/elaineroyal
Summary: A Twilight/Life and Death AU where Bella and Edythe meet in the art club instead of biology. A softer, sweeter interpretation of what Edythe's Midnight Sun might look like, featuring a nice gaywakening.This is my first fic, so be gentle :0)





	1. alizarin crimson

I had been through high school many times. Many, _many_ , times. To the point that it was almost like meditation for me. For my siblings, it was seen as experimentation every four years or so. Who can I be this time around? Like the time in 1956 where Emmett decided he could tone down his strength and join the football team (disaster) or when Alice joined the drama club in 1993 (the worst and strangest production of _Sweeney Todd_ to hit any stage). As much as Esme encouraged us to savor our eternal adolescence, we had learned that it just was not in the cards for people like us to be "normal" teenagers.

In the late 70's, however, a trend began. Art education became more prominent in schools, and after perhaps our ninth relocation, we found a school that had an art club. I resisted, believe me, I did. But Alice is a force of nature. _Edythe, you've never tried the way the rest of us have! You know you'd love it!_ And then Esme, bless her, her thoughts always made my heart too full, my stomach would twist with guilt at the idea of disappointing her. Both sensations I had thought were impossible for my kind, but leave it to the closest person to a mother that I can remember to reignite those feelings.

So I had joined. And nearly every relocation and do-over of high school since, I had been a part of any art club available. I never wanted to be president, or any part of the ridiculous government that came with it. I just stayed in my own station, put in my headphones for my Walkman, my CD player, my iPods through generations and generations, and painted. It was a small pleasure I allowed myself when surrounded by humans. The thoughts of the other students were usually peaceful, or concentrated, in the art room, and that in itself was a relief. Less of hearing girls harp on paranoia, or crushes, or who likes whom. Even if it was an extra hour a couple days a week after the boring classes I'd repeated again and again, it made Esme happy to see me getting involved, and it made me happy to have that time for myself. Sometimes getting a break from my family's thoughts was good for me. A reset.

Of course, I always knew that one day it would all go to hell.

I had heard errant thoughts of a new student through the halls today. Pale, awkward, from Phoenix, daughter of the chief of police. Just bits and pieces, it was easy for me to not pry too far. I thought nothing of it. Bella Swan, just another name to add to the flood, another new voice, another mind to read. I'd learned that it was easier to not consider any of my fellow students special, never get attached. It only caused problems, it only sent us on the road again.

I didn't know that this human would change my entire existence.

My paint palette was mixed, canvas primed up on my easel that I had chosen in the corner. So often the art teacher, Mrs. Welch, she offered me the spot by the window, the best area for natural light. And every time I would croon to her that I preferred the fluorescents, they were a critical part of my art style. Lying became so easy. My paintbrush swirled into a deep, crimson red, beginning to dab into a corner. I never knew where my art would end up, that was part of the fun. Fun that Alice ruined quite often at home. The door to the art room pushed open, and the scent hit me before the flurry of thoughts from the other students in the room.

 _Is that the new girl?_ My throat igniting.

 _A new member? This close to club elections?_ My brush going through the canvas, then dropping to the floor.

 _What is that god-awful sweater she's wearing?_ My fists clenching onto the wall of cabinets beside my station. I could feel the metal beginning to give way; I had to ease up. Stop breathing, Edythe, I told myself. Don't think about it. But the scent was there, the threat was here in the room.

I considered my options. There were only six people in the room, including Mrs. Welch. It would be so simple. I could lock and barricade the door, then kill the bystanders in less than thirty seconds. Then I would take my sweet time. She had that delightful deer in the headlights look, wide, brown eyes. Pools of chocolate, I wondered over whether her blood was just as sweet as the candy I had long since forgotten. No, I knew just from the tiny whiff I had gotten that nothing could compare. The metal creaked again as I strategized; would I make it quick for her? Or would I want her to really feel it, to feel my punishment for her brutal temptation? She was sent here to test me, a chance at redemption, perhaps, but I had no interest in passing. Damn me to hell, the deepest layer of it, just give me one taste.

 _Edythe, don't._ Carlisle's voice. I thought of how paper thin her skin looked.

 _Don't you dare ruin this for us._ Rosalie. I could see her blue veins through her wrist as she brushed back her hair.

 _You're stronger than this, love._ God damn it. Why was it always Esme? I had a hard time differentiating whether these thoughts were real, if Alice had seen my graphic plans of murder and alerted my family, or if it was whatever conscience I had left pleading with me to do the right thing. Or, the thoughts could have been pure madness. That option made the most sense.

I kept my jaw set, not allowing myself one inhale or exhale. I had to get out of here. But I couldn't make a scene. That meant I couldn't clean up my station at top speed, I couldn't break through the window, I had to do this the human way. The painfully slow way. I picked up my paintbrush from the floor, setting it as carefully as I could onto the counter. The poor canvas, now ripped through, I'd have to disguise that as some sort of artistic statement. Appropriate, a gash in the fabric, surrounded by dabs of blood red acrylic. If only life could reflect art, for once, I thought bitterly to myself. Was I actually angry, upset, that I had some fragment of a soul left that was preventing me from ripping this girl's throat out? It appeared that I was. I was furious that I admired Carlisle's control so much, I was horribly cross that I had chosen the vegetarian lifestyle at all. If I had just embraced the monster I was fully, I wouldn't have any moral dilemma about finding this girl in some back alley and sucking her dry.

 _Selfish._ Yes, that's exactly what I was. I wondered why nothing had humanized this girl more, why I was so eager to see her as nothing more than a blood donor with a pretty face. I needed a reason to refrain, I needed some drop of sympathy for her. But when I looked her way, tried to tune into her frequency, I got…nothing. Not one thought. As if I needed more reason to want to take every last bit of life from her. Sent from hell, truly. I'd read the Bible enough to know about fallen angels, and this girl may as well have been Lucifer himself.

 _Get back on track, Edythe. Get the hell out of here._ She was sitting too close, setting up at the easel directly to my right. I needed to cross her path to wash my palette and my brushes…Fuck it all. Fake an illness. Menstrual pain, nausea, whatever it took. As much as I knew I needed to be urgent, it felt like it would be impossible to pull myself away from this magnetic woman. A clean break, just go. I picked up my backpack and stormed out of the room, putting my phone to my ear. A quick glance at Mrs. Welch, and I heard her thoughts reflecting that she bought the premise entirely. Emergency phone call, no time to explain.

Even though no one was in the parking lot, I couldn't risk running to my car the way I wanted to. A hasty walk, almost a jog, slamming the door to my Volvo perhaps a bit too hard. I could feel more metal bending, and I briefly pondered just wrecking the thing. It would give Rosalie something to do. A new car wouldn't blend in, though, and the Volvo was pushing it. Just go home. Go home, then work from there.

The thoughts of my family invaded my mind as soon as I pulled away from the school. No matter how loud I turned my music up, I could hear them. Alice came first, always the clearest voice to me. Her visions flooded my mind as if they were my own, and I relied purely on muscle memory to take me along the right path.

_Edythe was standing in the art room. Her bronze curls were wild, her eyes pitch black, crouched into a hunting position. She had made quick work of the six people in the room, a snap of the neck, letting them slide onto the floor limply with no concern. She didn't even go after their blood, not one bite on any of them. That could come later, all she wanted right now was the brunette. Isabella Swan was crouched in the corner, trembling, knowing that she had to be the next to go. She didn't scream, or even try to run, as Edythe approached the corner…_

_I imagine I don't need to show you how that ends,_ Alice's thoughts spoke to me. No, indeed, she didn't. I was home now, sitting with my car parked in the garage with my head in my hands, ready to pull my curls out of my head. A tap on the window, and I forced myself to look up. There she was, the little pixie of a woman. I was thankful the rest hadn't come to find me yet, but I could hear the anxious thoughts. Some pointed towards me, some trying hard to avoid thinking of me.

 _Don't go. Stay with us, we'll help you._ Esme.

 _Rose will kill her if she makes us be sophomores again so soon._ Emmett.

 _I'll kill her myself if that's how she makes Edythe feel. It's too much._ Jasper.

"Ignore them," Alice chimed in, seeing how I was being torn apart and overwhelmed from every angle. "There was more, you know. It doesn't have to be that way." A new possibility, a different ending. I just nodded, though I didn't have any choice in whether I read it or not.

_Bella was standing beside Edythe, not a trace of fear in her eyes. Her body language was relaxed, she was holding the taller vampire's hand. Their skin was the same shade of pale white, her curves and bone structure were more defined, and the chocolate eyes were a shade of red so similar to the acrylic on the canvas._

"No!" I shouted out, my fist banging onto my dashboard. Definite damage, but I couldn't be bothered. I was so horribly selfish, I didn't even want to give them a goodbye. Esme and Carlisle's worry made me wonder if I was capable of vomiting, and I knew I owed them at least that much. I stormed up into the house, Alice following me, her thoughts continuously annoying me.

_Edythe, we're best friends in that future! I want that, we all want that, she would be so-_

"Stop it," I muttered fiercely. I met my mother by the piano. She wanted me to play more often, I know. I looked her in the eyes, and I must have looked like hell. Her worry only amplified at the sight of me. How much torture had I let leak into my exterior?

 _Will you come back to us?_ I only gave a small nod. _We love you, Edie. It'll be alright. I promise._ I had to trust her on that, or at least pretend that I believed it. I allowed her to pat my shoulder, I didn't want to hurt her if I gave her a hug, and I went to Carlisle's office.

The second the door to the study was shut behind me, I was sitting on the floor, curled in on myself, allowing him to see my pain completely. He had seen me at my worst, every time.

"I can't do it," I whispered. I couldn't kill her. I couldn't let either of Alice's visions come true, and there was no other way to prevent them other than to get myself out of Bella Swan's life. We didn't need to be in the same visions any longer. And as long as that girl was in Forks, I knew it would be best for her and my family for me to go.

 _You can, Edythe. You have the strength, the control. I know you do. You are overwhelmed, that is nothing to be ashamed of. You are not weak. Alice's visions can always change, you know this. Take your time, but do not underestimate yourself. We will miss you._ His hands had begun to comb through my hair, the way I know they had before he turned me. I didn't remember it personally, but I saw the comparison through his memories. I had been alive for over a century, and no one had called to me so strongly. I remembered Emmett expressing something similar, but he had never even considered going against the instinct. He had just allowed himself to give over to the impulse. _Don't underestimate yourself._ Maybe I could. But not right now. I needed time. I couldn't go back to that school, that art room, until I sorted everything out, considered every possibility, thought up every precaution I would need to take to protect the life I had in Forks.

I ran. Alice didn't need a goodbye, she knew everything she needed to relay to my other siblings. I could hear the ranting and raving in Rosalie's mind, I would be lucky to find my Volvo in one piece when I returned. I needed distance, I needed the frequency to tune out. I could find Alice's mind if I tried, but I had to focus on my own thoughts. No interference.


	2. yellow ochre

I spent six days in Alaska. The Denali coven had always been welcoming allies to my family, and while I wanted to be alone, I needed someone to know where I was. To keep me grounded, to hold me accountable. They were gracious in giving me my time alone, hiding and sitting in silence in the snow-covered trees of the forest. Even Tanya had done her best to leave me in peace, though her thoughts perplexed me as they always did. I'd never understand her motivation. Why was she so eager to have me around? As a close friend? Her thoughts were hard for me to understand, even if I read them clearly as anyone else's. Kate and Irina were more annoyed with her "bothering" me than I was, but eventually, I had come to the decision to return home. This girl, this little human, was not going to keep me from my family. She wasn't going to drive me out of Forks. Every day until our graduation would be a test for me, but I would overcome each time. I was determined to strengthen my control over myself, even if it meant running up through Canada every so often. I would always return.

Keeping up this optimism was a challenge, one that my family could see immediately. I found myself eavesdropping on poor Bella's friends, all of the suitors that wanted to take her to prom. Angela Weber, a fellow member of the art club, was the easiest to watch Bella through. Her mind was the most peaceful, less judgmental than Jessica, and less…horny than Mike. I learned so much about the girl through her eyes. I had to keep that impulse under control as well, the urge to reveal how much I knew, how much I paid attention. To Bella, Edythe Cullen was the girl who stormed out of the art room as soon as he had come in. I would have assumed she didn't even know my name, but hearing her lunch room chat with Angela had proven that I had made quite a reputation for myself. Isabella had thought she had upset me. _"I don't know, maybe I sat too close to her? She was looking at me like I'd killed a puppy in front of her or something."_ I had heard the girl's voice in Angela's mind during a lunchroom conversation. So much for priding myself on my poker face. Thankfully, Miss Weber had assured her that _"the Cullens are just a little shy. Edythe, especially. She's always kept to herself, but I'm sure she isn't upset with you, Bells."_ Bells. Did she like that nickname? As minute a detail as it was, I would have given my left arm to hear whether she did or not, to hear it in her thoughts, not through her lips.

Alice and I shared our last class, U.S History. We sat together in the back, able to murmur and think our conversations back and forth so quietly; it was a chance for me to make sure I would survive the meeting today. I didn't even have to ask, just one look in Al's direction and I saw the outcomes in my mind. Yes, the possibility of massacre was there, but it was tiny. Much less intense than before. My mind was set, I was determined, and therefore, the future of today ended in Bella's favor. Splendid.

This vision did give me more confidence, though I worried over how I would speak to Bella. Did I have to speak to her at all? No, not particularly. I could block her out with my music, and paint, and let her keep wondering if I was angry with her. My persistently still heart seemed to ache at the idea, though. I didn't want her fretting over that. And if Alice had seen a future where we were evidently friends, then that meant that maybe, just maybe, Bella wanted to be in my life in the future. That had to start somewhere. Selfishly, I wanted it to start today. Her life was better without me, her future was infinitely easier without me, but I wanted to know her more. I wanted to put my nose where it didn't belong, I wanted to pry my way into her healthy, human life.

When the last bell rang, I rushed as fast as humanly possible to shove my books into my locker and go to the art club meeting. Why was I excited? Honestly, I was excited for another test to my willpower? Excited to prove that I could do this, I could sit beside Bella Swan and perhaps even speak to her, without attacking her? I was no more vain than Rosalie, I wanted to be able to take pride in that. I set up my paints again in my corner, retrieving the smashed canvas. Maybe it could be something interesting. An abstract piece on the desire to destroy everything. Call it teen angst bullshit.

The other students filtered in, Mrs. Welch giving some small talk to the others and beginning to introduce the idea of the annual fundraiser to the more outspoken, participating types. And when that door swung open again, I thanked every deity there might or might not have been that I had hunted just hours before coming into school this morning. The fire was there, extremely so, but I could resist. I already felt so full, there wouldn't be any more room left if I went for Bella in the first place. That was the lie I told myself, at least, and it was rather comforting.

She seemed hesitant to come near me. I had made quick work of cleaning some brushes for her, an even spread of large to small detailed bristles, while I had set up my own station, and this seemed to catch her eye. She looked around the room, and I agonized over who she might have thought did that for her. I highly doubted she would consider me in the running.

"An apology," I chimed in. Her head spun in my direction, and her cheeks flooded pink. I had to bite the inside of my cheek for a moment before continuing. "For my behavior, last week. I had to take a phone call, and I didn't get to introduce myself. I normally don't make a habit of such a horrible first impression." Lies, lies, lies. Glad to be starting this friendship off on the right foot.

Bella didn't seem any more comforted by my words. It looked as if I had set her on edge, her brow was furrowed, her teeth had a hold on her full bottom lip. Nonetheless, I watched her set down her things and begin to squeeze dollops of paint onto her palette. "Thank you…Edythe, right?" she asked, as if she hadn't said my name exactly nine times today at lunch. The thought made me smirk.

"Edythe Cullen, yes. You're Isabella. Whole school has been talking about you." And thinking. I suppose it was a comfort to know that I wasn't the only one plagued with thoughts of her. Everyone had taken an interest. The boys, especially. I began to absently paint shades of orange onto my canvas, blending with the edges of red paint that had dried almost a week ago now. When I glanced back in her direction, her face was almost the same color as the scarlet. Did she not know how tempting that was?

She didn't seem to know where to start, her choice of color palette was an absolute mess of clashing tones, but who was I to judge? I never knew where to start, either. Bella picked up a smaller brush, and the tiniest dab into azure, before carefully working along the bottom edge of the canvas. "I prefer Bella, but yes," she replied. So she didn't prefer Bells. "I wish they wouldn't." She laughed nervously.

She was shy. It was painfully obvious, of course, but to see it so close, to see it in a conversation with myself, it was…charming. Endearing. I wanted to protect her from all unwanted attention, but then I also wanted that delicious blush to paint her cheeks all the time. Quite the dilemma. "Ah, well," I sighed, feigning nonchalance. "People always talk." _After all, you had a lot to say about me,_ I thought smugly to myself. I was becoming more proud by the second, I was having an actual conversation with her and I was barely thinking about how much I wanted to sink my teeth into her throat. Perhaps more than barely. But I could resist.

Bella had nothing to say to this. Had I embarrassed her? Had I made her think about how she had talked about me with her friend? I would never fault her for that, of course, and I had never intended to make her feel guilty. I couldn't express any of these feelings to her, but I wanted to take that tension out of her shoulders. Smooth the crease between her brows. The best I could do was change the subject. "So. Art club. Welcome," I chuckled. "Have you been recruited into helping with the fundraiser yet?" Technically, Mrs. Welch hadn't yet spoken to me about it personally, but I could always pass it off as eavesdropping. I had seen her vision clearly in her mind. Flower pots. She had the surprisingly decent idea of teaming up with the gardening club. They sell flowers, in pots we paint. I explained this idea to Bella, and her eyes finally turned away from her canvas to meet mine. Instead of any actual response, I got something completely out of the blue.

"Did you get contacts?"

What the hell? I was suddenly too aware of how everyone else must feel, not being able to predict what someone would say to you, and I had to say, I didn't enjoy it. I was doing well, dammit, and then she had picked up on that. How had she even seen my eyes in the few minutes we had been in the same room a week ago? Had she considered them that much. An errant thought at how much I would absolutely adore to have my eyes be the subject of her mind.No, no, those ideas weren't welcome. I opted to laugh at her question, shaking my head. "No?" I replied, confusion on my face. It reflected right back to her, that sweet furrow forming again. She cleared her throat, evidently embarrassed to have even asked. Poor dear.

"Uh. Right. Yeah, sure. Painting flower pots," she agreed. I would have to sign us up. I normally wasn't the type to go for the fundraisers, Mrs. Welch allowed us the chance to just have free time to create if that was what we chose. But this time, I was compelled to be a part of it. I nodded, smiling politely again. I let the silence take over this time, sliding one earbud into my left ear for the sake of appearances. I could hear the thoughts, and I knew I was raising suspicion amongst the other members.

_Have I ever heard Edythe speak before? I'd remember a voice like that._

_And Bella was worried Edythe didn't like her? Poor thing is definitely paranoid, Jessica has gotten way too into her head._

"Only one earbud today, Miss Cullen?" Mrs. Welch spoke her thoughts aloud as she made her way over with the forms to sign up for the fundraiser. She glanced at my canvas, eyebrows raising. How thought-provoking, and it isn't even finished. How this woman could entertain even the worst of art was beyond me. She was suited for her job at appreciating the art of moody teenagers, I would give her that. "Would either of you girls like to be a part of the fundraiser? We'll be partnering with the gardening club, painting flower pots, it'll be a big sale at the homecoming game!"

I took the form, signing my name in an elegant script, and handed it over to Bella, who was inexplicably staring at me. Had I done something strange? Something not human enough? Mrs. Welch didn't seem concerned, so…Maybe she was just looking. She was making this whole predator/prey dynamic far too easy. She blinked a few times, but scribbled her name beneath mine, handing the paper to the teacher. "Sorry if you can't sell whatever monstrosity I make," she teased, another nervous laugh. The older woman was quick to protest, that no art could be a monstrosity if it came from the heart, the cheesy, motivational speech she had given again and again both in the club and in her traditional classes. Once she moved on, Bella looked at me. "She's…enthusiastic," she mumbled.

I grinned, my topaz eyes creasing up in the corners. It was genuine. Bella could make me smile, an interesting point to note whenever I had to debate whether or not to follow my instincts. "She is. A great woman and teacher, but occasionally suffocating," I agreed, quietly enough so that only the other could hear. I looked her way and tapped the earbud. "Great way of warding her off, though, if you need some air." She nodded at this, smiling right back at me. She still seemed wary of me, reasonably so, but I could feel the budding of a friendship, like Alice had predicted. Hand holding didn't seem like something that would be normal anytime soon, but that was fine. I don't know why future me would be holding any friend like that anyway. Only time would tell, decisions could still change.

We remained that way for the rest of the hour, painting, occasionally exchanging words. It was mostly effortless, discussing our classes, the teachers she was liking, and eventually, art and artists. "Who is your favorite artist?" I asked. I was absorbing every last bit of information she was giving me, building up a library of useless facts and opinions from her. If I couldn't be thirsty for her blood, I was desperately hungry for her personality, and her preferences.

Bella laughed. I didn't understand why it amused her, so I turned all my attention her way, tilting my head with curiosity. "It's a silly answer," she began, "But everyone says Van Gogh. He's great and everything, but I like Bob Ross."

Bob Ross. Her favorite artist in the history of the world was Bob Ross. Public television, afro, tree-hugging Bob Ross. I had never paid him much attention. "Bob Ross," I repeated back to her. "May I ask why?"

My expression only made her laugh more, and somehow, I felt warm at that. I could make her laugh. One more pebble into the scales, dipping the weight further into the "don't kill Bella" side. "He's peaceful," she replied. "He's easy to digest. No deep, complex meanings, no pride, no desire to make a gigantic statement. He's just painting to paint, and to relax others." She shrugged. "Honestly, most of that answer comes from the fact that I've fallen asleep to him most nights since I've moved. Easier to listen to than all this rain."

I had to wonder if she was enjoying Forks. If the rain was interfering with her sleep, that couldn't bode well for her general opinion. Maybe she would move back to wherever she had come from. Jesus, the questions I had failed to ask, and I only had two minutes left before Mrs. Welch would ask us to clean up for the day. Next time I'd have to be more prepared. I didn't want to scare her, or creep her out more than I likely did. But there was so much I wanted to know.

"He is not the worst choice," I replied, a slightly teasing tone to my voice. It wasn't a lie, but it was still quite a strange one. I saw Bella glancing at the clock. Did she have somewhere to be? I looked at her canvas as she started to clean up. She definitely didn't have a plan, but I was enamored with what she had done. Layers and layers of blues, greens, even a touch of silver. It looked like she was beginning an ocean scene, and I was already dying to see what she would add to it next week. Hopefully she would continue, and not drop this piece for the sake of starting on the fundraiser. She couldn't leave me in such suspense.

As we tidied up, I knew I was getting too close. I could feel her warmth radiate from her body as we both cleaned off our palettes, wringing out the bristles of our brushes and drying them off at the counter. I could smell her shampoo, honey and vanilla. My throat could rival the dry heat of the Sahara right about now, but getting to know her had helped tremendously. I was a monster, but what sort of actual demon could I be if I chose to murder a girl whose favorite painter was Bob fucking Ross?

I put my canvas on a drying rack, and slung my backpack over my shoulder with ease. "Want to walk out with me?" I asked before I could even consider the invitation. A short nod, and another blush, from Bella. We walked through the empty hallways, out into the parking lot. I recognized her truck, much older than she was. "Nice ride," I commented. I didn't think there was malice in my tone, but Bella was defensive over her vehicle.

"Don't knock the truck," she snapped at me, and I couldn't stop the smirk again. She was so adorable. I shook my head. "Wouldn't dream of it…Bells." Glancing down at her, I saw a little twitch in her nose. No, she didn't seem to care for that. Noted.

I walked with her all the way to her truck, even if my Volvo was across the lot. I didn't mind a few extra steps. Bella stood by her door, awkwardly fidgeting with her keyring, seemingly unsure of how to leave. I was hovering, perhaps I was too close, coming on too strong. I didn't want her to think I hated her, but I also didn't want her to think I was a stalker. I decided to take the initiative. "Well, I'd better head home. My sister needs my help with a history essay, told her I'd give her a hand before dinner." I smiled, and held up a hand in some sort of wave as I started to walk away. "See you, Bella." That was normal, right? Nice and human? Anything was better than You smell delicious and I know for a fact we're going to have a long future together. See you worked well enough.

Her hand, now covered by a fingerless knitted glove, held up in return. "Bye, Edythe." My name sounded divine on her lips. I turned around, hearing the roar of her engine, and slipped into my own car. I was thirsty, immensely so, but I was over the moon. I couldn't place it. Bella shouldn't draw me in. I was a predator, yes, but why was this prey so damn special? It was like her beating heart was a magnet, and I was a useless piece of scrap metal. I could kill her before she could blink, with those perfect, long eyelashes, and yet I wanted to be her best friend.

Just as I had begun to really praise myself, take pride in my control, a new thought from Alice sent me right back to uncertainty and fear.

_You're in love with her already, aren't you, Edie?_

It hadn't meant to frighten me, I knew that. It was just a casual thought, but it wasn't even teasing. Alice meant it. Friends weren't in love. But Alice had seen it. The future where I held Bella's hand had expanded, I could see myself kissing her cheek through her mind, I could see Bella's arms draped around my waist. I had never seen friends act that way.

I was 108 years old, and now was the time for a sexual awakening. Perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Edythe is my little oblivious gay baby. Reviews are appreciated!


	3. titanium white

I knew I had to enter the house sometime. Not that it made much difference, Alice's thoughts weren't getting any easier to digest. The rest of the house hadn't caught wind of the idea as far as I had known, so for now, I was safe. I had to talk to someone. Alice was a biased choice, she was already far too fond of Bella, even if they likely hadn't spoken in person yet.

Emmett, he wouldn't take it seriously. Jasper, he considered Isabella to be a threat, same for Rose. Esme would be too excited. Carlisle...For some reason, I felt like I couldn't tell him yet, not until I had more certainty. Thankfully, he had late hours at the hospital tonight.

I decided to weigh my options differently. Not based on the opinions my siblings had on Bella, but the opinions they had on me. Who was the least afraid to be completely honest with me? Perhaps to the point of harshness? I needed that, I didn't need any more beating around the bush or trying to spare feelings. I needed to talk to someone whose thoughts matched their words, where there was nothing more to read when it came to myself as the subject.

Rosalie and I had had our fair share of disagreements. I would say the list of our arguments would have at least 7,000 points over the decades we had shared together as sisters. All the same, she was my family, and I knew I could trust her. This house didn't have secrets, but I was going to fool myself into believing I could confide in her without any curious ears listening in. I had to center myself, block out the other thoughts as much as I could. I could hear her now, as I stood outside her door.

_Do you always have to be so brooding? If you must speak to me, come in._

She always did call me that. Since Carlisle had brought her home, her thoughts on me had been more...bitter. I was creepy, I was quiet, it was a miracle no one tested the wooden stake or silver bullet trick on me. I'd heard it all before. I slipped inside to her and Emmett's room, decorated so much more lavishly than mine. An enormous bed with a velvet canopy, for Christ's sake. I knew all too well what happened in that bed, so I opted to sit in the chair at her desk. "Rosalie," I began, but then took quite a bit of time to figure out my words.

Her impatience was reflecting in her thoughts, but there was also confusion. Why would I be coming to her? She knew something had to be deeply troubling to bring me into this room with her. I took another unnecessarily deep breath.

"Do you think I'm gay?" I asked, almost blurting the words out. They sounded clumsy, the least elegant and articulate I had likely ever sounded. If I could blush, I would be good competition for Bella right now. I'd be blood red.

 _What the fuck? Have you actually been in the closet for ninety years?_ These crude thoughts weren't spoken, but my sister was struggling not to smile. "I don't think of your sexual orientation often, Edythe," she replied, crossing her legs and resting her hands on her knee. "Considering you've never been interested in anyone. Not Tanya, not Emmett. Not me," she scoffed, and I could hear a slight disgust and bitterness to that. Why did that bother her?

"Tanya is a lovely woman, but I know she has a fondness for human men. And Emmett was quite clearly your property," I explained myself. I thought about an interest for her. She was beautiful, of course. Everyone knew that. That was her gift. "You've been my sister, Rose, I don't think I would have ever been able to consider an alternative. Carlisle saved you, and I remember he thought you would be a good companion for me. Nothing beyond that sort of interest."

Rosalie actually laughed out loud this time, the sound chiming out. "A companion? You thought Carlisle wanted us to be best friends? Gal pals?" She snickered, shaking her head. "No, sister, I think you might have misunderstood."

My father had tried to set me up with Rosalie as a... partner? That couldn't be right. How could he have thought Rose would show interest in me to begin with? Aesthetically, I didn't compare, but it was so much more than that. The humiliation only grew. I had the gift of reading minds, and I had misunderstood so many thoughts in this second life. I shook my head. "You wouldn't have wanted me," was all I could think to say.

Rosalie shrugged. "I might've. You aren't bad looking, Edythe, and you know how I used to play with the Denali girls," she reminded me. "But the mind-reading would have gotten quite old." She tilted her head to study me, like she was trying to get into my own brain. "Why do you ask? What's happened?" _Is this about Alice's visions?_ She didn't want to ask me that question, or she would have. Rose likely didn't want the answer. Isabella Swan was not her favorite human, and seeing how I had just come back last night, I knew she was still considered a threat.

"The more I get to know her, Rosalie...It becomes easier to control myself," I tried to convince her, seeing and hearing her anger rise. I didn't talk about how it also got harder, how the more fond I grew of her, the more afraid I became. I was still well aware that she was only going to become more and more of a threat the longer I shared any semblance of a life with her. It would have been easier for everyone if I just killed her in a way that could be covered up, and pretend it had never happened. The Emmett method. "Alice sees me in her future in many different ways. The possibility where she ends up shredded to bits is getting slimmer, and now she sees...Well, I didn't know that the visions held romance." I felt embarrassed. _Gal pals_ , that term ran through Rose's head again. Maybe I hadn't been envisioning friendship, exactly. But I also would have never dreamed to imagine a romantic partnership with anyone, much less a human. So now I was faced the fact that I was actually falling for her. I had been falling since the moment I saw her, but I hadn't realized what the feeling was.

Thrice damned. Immortal, murderous lesbian. No chance of getting into heaven now, it seemed.

Rosalie's thoughts were still centered around the threat of Bella rather than my feelings. "Edythe, if you prefer women, you have plenty of options. Not just Tanya, or Kate, or Irina. We can't bring Bella into this, I'm sure Carlisle could find you someone in intensive care, or some car accident will come up, and we can find you a mate if that's what you're so desperate for." Rosalie sounded like she was pleading. Anyone but Bella. Anyone that wouldn't bring up suspicion, draw attention, force us to relocate and cover all of our tracks. I understood her logic, and I appreciated the slight acceptance of my newfound sexuality. I didn't have a choice. Bella had me wrapped around my finger. I couldn't walk away now. I couldn't get rid of her, either.

"I'm sorry, Rosalie. I tried to get away, I tried to think of any other way, but…Alice's visions are set in the fact that Bella is going to be there. One way or another. For her safety, I wish I could do things the way you'd like me to," I told her with pure sincerity. Bella didn't need me to bring her down into hell, but that's how much of a devil I was. I had thought her to be Lucifer, a fallen angel, but I was the one who was so weak that I would be the one who pushed her out of heaven. I deserved whatever malice Rosalie could throw at me.

My sister nodded simply. _She will never have my blessing, if that's what you're looking for._ I knew better than to expect that, or even dream of desiring it. I reflected the short nod back to her. We were more alike than either of us would admit. We were both far too proud for that. I murmured a soft thank you, knowing it wasn't going to be enough.

I wondered if "coming out" was necessary. If everyone was so aware, and I was the odd one out for once. I decided that for now, I didn't want to give my family the satisfaction. Though Rose would tell Emmett, Emmett would tell Jasper, Jasper would tell Alice, and Carlisle and Esme would catch on easily. Being frozen as teenagers made it almost impossible to avoid gossip. Our parents were not technically much older. I sighed heavily, opting to go to my room and take this moment to listen to one of my favorite CD's in my collection. Little Earthquakes by Tori Amos.

_"Give me life, give me pain, give me myself again."_

There was no denying it anymore.

*****

Having normal, human conversation with Bella was going to be difficult, I knew, now that I had realized what she had awoken in me. My intentions weren't to jump into a relationship, of course, I still wanted to give her a chance to deny me as a friend. I wanted to get to know her myself, beyond just feeling what I seemed to feel in Alice's visions. I didn't want to experiment with her, I didn't want to make her at all uncomfortable. But those possibilities of my future were in the back of my mind, knowing that there was a strong chance Bella might one day feel that way for me, it was a distraction.

I forced myself to wait, to bide my time, and not jump on every single chance to be near her. I could wait until the next meeting…Maybe. I was sitting with my siblings at lunch, Alice and Rosalie discussing prom dresses and which designer they wanted to work with this year. My yellow gold eyes, I had hunted yet again as a precaution, were still continuously glancing at Bella's table. Listening, I could hear the hints being dropped. Mike wanted to go to prom with her. Eric wanted to go to prom with her. Tyler wanted to go to prom with her.

A snowball hit the side of my head, the cold splatters of ice pouring down my face now. I glared across the table at Emmett. I had been festering in my jealousy too much to even try to catch it, and if I had, someone could have gotten a glimpse at how quick my reflexes were. I just nodded, flicking pieces of ice back across at him. I tapped my temple and muttered, "Noted," in reply. I'd find a petty method of revenge later. Right now, I was not in the most playful of moods like they all seemed to be.

Instead of playing with snow, I chose to go to her. I heard my family's thoughts of protest and confusion, but I couldn't resist. I went to Bella's table, lightly tapping her shoulder. God, to touch her! She was so warm, warmer than she seemed to be aware of by the absurd amount of layers she had on. "May I talk to you about something?" I asked with a kind smile.

Despite my efforts at a soft voice and a polite face, she still looked worried. She nodded, though, and stood up to follow me just a few steps away towards the garbage receptacles. Romantic. "I was wondering if you'd want to stay after school today, to work on our paintings before the fundraiser work really starts up," I offered, my fingers awkwardly beginning to pick at a stray thread on my coat. This girl had a vampire fidgeting. "Mrs. Welch usually has no problem with students using her room, I'll be able to get permission." I saw hesitation in her eyes. "If you have a previous engagement, that is also absolutely fine! I just thought you might like the quiet time." Seeing as the whole male population of this school is about to drown you in prom invitations. In a way, it might've been safer for her to hang around me. Perhaps that would ward away from the suitors. Did my selfishness have a limit? Not for her.

Bella gave a short laugh, something close to a scoff, and tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear. "Flower pot painting is going to be that intense, huh?" she asked, shaking her head with a small smile. I couldn't understand her. I couldn't tell if she saw right through me, if she could see I just wanted more time with her. I didn't know if she thought I was pathetically desperate, or if I was a lonely loser, none of it. I only knew what others heard from her, but that wasn't enough. Never enough. She nodded. "Yeah, I'm cool with that. My dad won't mind, he's been…" She trailed off for a moment before picking up again, "I think I've been home a little too much. He'd like to see me getting involved." It felt like a very personal thing, giving me the tiniest of glimpses into her family dynamic. That must have been the cause for her hesitation; I hadn't heard her speak much about her relationship with her dad with anyone else.

I couldn't stop the crooked grin from spreading across my lips. I had nearly a century's worth of experience in lying, acting, putting up the right fronts to make humans believe what I wanted, but I couldn't conceal my happiness. "Perfect. I'll see you then." I left it at that, slipping away to go back to the table with my siblings.

The opinions from my family appeared to be split somewhat evenly. Alice was elated, Emmett was indifferent. Jasper was uncomfortable, and Rosalie was…irritated, to say the least. I focused on Alice, eyes meeting hers. I needed to know if being alone in that classroom with her was going to be alright. No more detail than that, just a yes or a no. Had I committed myself to a disaster?

_It's going to be fine, Edythe. You're going to have a brilliant time._

"Are you going to see every detail of what we say and do?" I asked, though I knew my sister could respect my privacy. I wasn't planning on doing anything indecent, but Bella deserved to be able to talk to me and act however she chose around me without a little psychic prying in on it from the past.

Alice rolled her eyes. No more than I need to. I'll put my focus elsewhere unless I have reason. And trust me, I won't have reason. She winked at me, and the giddy smile had returned.

I may not have been able to wait for the next art club meeting, but I suppose I could suffer through the three periods that stood between my time with Bella Swan. I had suffered through nearly ninety years without her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As always, I'm always happy to see my hit counter go up and get emails and comments and just thank ya for loving my baby gorls.
> 
> {also i feel the need to make a disclaimer that i do not intend to offend anyone with any lesbian stereotypes like tori amos! this is all coming from a lil bi girl who chopped her hair into a mullet, bought tons of flannels at goodwill, and blasted that in my room all while dreaming of rosalie hale to step on my neck when i discovered i liked girls. i don't mean to generalize baby edythe or any wlw at all, just in case anyone was about to get mad? idk. thanks have a good day}


	4. prussian blue

Once again, I caught myself being far too eager to get to the art room. I had had these days even before Bella, days where my fingers just itched to work with the paints, and clay, and scissors to create collages. An urge to create. I never thought I would find a safe space to do that within a high school, but I had been proven wrong. There was something peaceful about a quiet room, especially when it was empty. I heard students bustling in the halls to go to their lockers and leave for the day, while I was squeezing dollops of paint onto the makeshift palette of a lid from a tub of sour cream. Mrs. Welch made do with the teacher's salary, supplying so many plastic cups given as swag at career fairs, or using her personal old clothing as rags for students to use. When we were graduated for a few years, I already knew I would be sending her a check to help her with the funds of her classroom and this art club.

After all, this was the room where I met Bella. If it wasn't special to me before, it was disgustingly sentimental to me now.

I set my phone up on an empty stool, beginning to play some music, just to fill the silence. I was clearly going through a phase with my nostalgia for the 1990s. It happened from time to time, each member of the family had time periods that they still integrated their personal tastes from. Esme had a particular fondness for the 1980s, I remember her enthusiasm for blush. Rosalie adored the fashion of the 50's. I normally didn't enjoy trends, or pay much attention, but the 90s had been nice. The clothes were comfortable when grunge fashion hit, the makeup was easy. Before, I had done just enough to blend in, Alice revamping my closet every few years, but that was the decade I didn't need much help. I had a playlist of my favorite songs from that era, and I knew that if me and Bella were going to chat, the sound of a clock ticking would not be comforting for either of us.

_I'm high but I'm grounded, I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed_

_I'm lost but I'm hopeful, baby-_

Alanis Morissette's voice was interrupted by the door pushing open violently, and Bella's wet boots stomping on the linoleum. She was angry, that much was easy to read. Her cheeks were flushed, and I could only gather that she had in fact been bombarded with prom invitations. I felt a smirk tug on my lips. "Bad day?" I asked.

Bella put her bag down and began to mix up paints immediately. "Terrible, actually," she replied. I was surprised she would be so open about it, but maybe she was more comfortable talking to me alone. If that was the case, she had worse judgment than I thought. "Do you have a date for the prom?" she asked, making my eyebrows shoot up. "Because if you don't, I've got three wild men that are looking, and I'd happily send them your way."

I laughed out loud, shaking my head at how funny she was when she was irritated. I had thought of her as sweet, adorable, but she had a spark in her. No doubt about that. Before I could reply, she decided to retract her offer, "No, I don't know if you deserve that kind of torture." She gave a chuckle now.

"I appreciate the sentiment. All the same, feel free to push them in my direction. I'm sure they won't take your first no as an answer, but I could really do some damage to their self-esteem and ward them off." I winked at her. I knew for a fact that Mike wasn't going to accept rejection. Nor Tyler. Eric, he was a bit softer. Kinder.

Bella chose her brush, swirling it around to create a similar blue to the one she had used before, and sighed. "They'd be too scared to go near you. You know that, you're intimidating."

My cheeks ached slightly from my smiling, my eyes focusing back on my painting. It had turned into some kind of explosion, lines and patterns and colors splattering from the crack I had made in the canvas the day she walked in. This was not my best work, but I had to admit it was dynamic. "Me? Intimidating?" I asked, feigning some innocence. It got a laugh out of her, so she knew I did indeed know my reputation. She didn't need to know that I could read it in every mind across the cafeteria. All except for hers. "Do I intimidate you?" I dared to add.

I didn't look at her, but I could feel her eyes on me. Like she was studying me, trying to figure out the answer and how to say it. She was thinking, I could tell that much, but I couldn't tune in. "No," she finally replied. As much as I might have been hoping for that answer, a part of me wished the answer had been yes. She would have been smart to be intimidated. It should have been an instinct for her. "At first, maybe. But now, not at all."

I turned my head to look at her now, a raised eyebrow. "What changed your mind?" I didn't ask what had made me intimidating, I knew that already. The first thing she had seen me do was put a brush through a canvas and run away. Her friends had all told her my family's reputation, we had some other-worldly quality to us. It was only natural for the students to both be compelled and put off by us. I had never gotten close enough to any of them to know if their opinions changed, but here was Bella, ready to tell me what gave me away. What made her think I wasn't so scary?

"You're just shy, aren't you? A quiet type, that doesn't scare me," she told me. "You paint. You sit with your brothers and sisters every day. You wear khakis," she gestured to the tan pants I had chosen today with a smile. "And you listen to Alanis Morissette. I don't find that intimidating, oddly enough." I could tell she meant no malice, she was trying to bond with me, to maybe give me some comfort. I wasn't worried about the public's opinion of me, but her observations were interesting. She apparently saw me as a quiet, family-oriented artist. That wasn't how others saw me. Others saw me as a condescending supermodel, or someone who was too intelligent, antisocial. And some of these students had known of me for a couple years now, Bella had only known of my existence for almost a week. She had a different way of thinking. I wished I could hear the process for myself.

I stayed silent for a few moments as I dabbed some yellows onto my warm-toned piece. Which part did I reply to? How did I say, You're wrong, I'm your natural predator, and you should be wise and stay far, far away from me. I suppose that wouldn't fly. "Scary people can wear khakis," is what I ended up on, my smirk the tiniest bit more forced now. "And they can listen to Alanis. Scary people can take many forms, Bella, do not judge a book by its cover even in a positive way." I wagged my finger in a playfully scolding manner. But it seemed to be a lesson that she did need to learn.

She laughed, the sound making my still heart seem to flutter, and scoffed. "Do you want me to be afraid of you? I'm not a great actress." That was no surprise to me. I couldn't hear her thoughts, but whatever her mouth didn't say, her face would say it for her. I was learning to read that instead. If I had to have a preference, though, I didn't want her to be afraid. I would sooner tear myself apart and burn the pieces before I would hurt her.

"It'd be wiser of you, that's all I'll say." I kept the smile, so the words didn't seem so serious, that she could take it as teasing. But it was an honest reply. I hummed along to the new song that played, rather than letting her elaborate on this topic of how frightening I may or may not have been.

The brief silence wasn't awkward, with Suzanne Vega now flooding the air as our brushes worked along the canvas, brushes sloshing in cups of water and wiping against rags. I wasn't even thinking about the warmth I could feel from her, the sound of her heart pumping her sweet blood through her veins. My mind was strong enough to defy the monster in me. I was determined. I listened as she got up from her stool, setting down her brush and taking a couple steps closer to me. Instinctively, cautiously, I held my breath. She was standing behind me, looking over my shoulder.

She was getting more comfortable with me, but the closer she got, my solid confidence wavered. "What does it mean?" Bella asked, innocent. I eyed the mess in front of me. It was nearly at a point where I could call it "complete"; anything so abstract could be complete with just one paintstroke if I deemed it so.

"It...doesn't mean anything." I couldn't explain that I just had an accident, and decided to turn the canvas into a metaphor for what I could do to her. "Just an experiment with textures, colors. But art is all up for interpretation, isn't it? What does it mean to you?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder at her before beginning to blend white into the edges, creating a gradient of deep red to pale yellow.

Bella's head tilted as she got a closer look, her hair brushing against my shoulder blade. I swallowed, feeling saliva pooling in my mouth. _Breathe, Edythe. Alice said everything would be fine. So everything_ will _be fine._ "It looks...angry. Violent, obviously." She glanced towards my face, then back at the painting. "But it's also quite warm. I like the colors." She shrugged her shoulders, another one of her signature, awkward laughs. "I'm not a great art critic. But it's pretty, it's interesting."

I nodded, "Thank you. I think." I smiled, and took my turn to slip away from her to get a closer look at what she had created. I could see the influence that Bob Ross had had on her, the way her paint strokes came in dabbing motions, and how her colors layered over each other. It was a landscape, which I should have expected. An ocean view over a rocky cliff. "Is there a meaning behind this?" I asked. I was very biased, I knew, but it was a lovely piece. Bella could have done finger-painting in contrasting colors of army green and neon orange, and I would have believed it to be museum quality.

_And I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you._

Bella seemed sheepish to speak of her own art. "It's a gift, more than anything," she clarified. "I'm going to be sending it back to my mom. She told me that when she lived in Forks, when I was a baby, she liked to look out at the ocean when my dad went fishing. He didn't fish from cliffs, of course, but she told me some story about when they were younger, they would jump. I can't imagine my dad cliff diving." She laughed, shaking her head. "Mom…I could see it. But I thought it'd be nice, you know? Probably won't get a lot of display in a Florida house." She shrugged her shoulders, sitting on her stool.

"It should," I argued. "It's lovely. Very well done." I didn't want to pry for more information on her parents. I wished I could just see it, but I was facing a hard reality. People who couldn't read minds had to ask questions, and hope the answers were honest. What kind of hell was that? Or they had to play detective, and piece together tidbits to form assumptions, not even certain truths. That was what I was working to do now. Bella's mother lived in Florida. She had once lived in Forks, across the country. Bella had lived in Arizona with her, so a move had happened. Bella didn't want to go to Florida? I glanced to her pale face; no surprise there. If her mother was a cliff-jumping type, then I could understand why living here with her father was a calmer option. I felt so compelled to ask why her mother had left, why father had stayed, why did they get divorced? I did have some manners left...Or I could just find a way to get close enough to her dad to find the answers myself. No, Bella deserved some privacy. She did have that one defense against me, and I would respect it. Even if it made my marble skin crawl.

My compliment had turned her cheeks that perfect shade of pink that I adored so much. Maybe that was my new favorite color, I would have to try to mix up a match for it. Likely an impossible task. "Thanks. It's really nothing." Modest. Bella was so funny to me. She clearly had a fire in her, a defense, but she did not seem to take pride in herself. That just wouldn't do. If it were socially acceptable, I would drown her in compliments, I would tell her just what she did to me, how she captivated everyone she met.

Being socially acceptable could be so painful.

"It's definitely something, Bella," I countered, but it was gentle. She didn't have to dignify my silly arguing over whether or not she had made a small masterpiece. "I'm eager to see your other work, what you can do for the fundraiser." I smiled, and let her be. I scrawled my signature on the bottom corner of the canvas before sending it to the drying rack. I had no desire to leave, I wanted to see the painting finished. I hopped up gracefully to sit on the counter by the sink, rinsing my brushes and supplies I had used, bouncing my feet to the music.

Bella began to paint again, but she seemed too aware of my presence. I didn't intend to make her uncomfortable, but I saw her eyes glancing my way, she was holding her bottom lip in her teeth, that sweet crease between her brows formed again. I wanted her to relax. She didn't ever need to be relaxed around someone like me, but I wanted her to be. If I had to have her around, she did not need to be tense. All I could think to do was show that I was busying myself, not watching her so closely. I slipped into a seat at a table, pulling out a textbook and pretending to study up on World War I. When I was human, I knew that that had been a goal of mine; to fight. My age and my gender stopped me, along with the protests of my biological mother. The illness had ultimately stopped me. The war died not much longer after I did. As my eyes skimmed the words I'd read possibly over a million times by now, I began to quietly sing along to the playlist my phone was going through.

_I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains_

_I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains._

Esme had had a fondness for this song back then. I'd caught her singing it, both in her head and out loud, for her husband. As I sang my way through another verse and flipped through the pages of my book, I could still feel her looking at me. I closed my mouth and looked up at her through my eyelashes. "I apologize. Am I disturbing you?" I asked.

Bella sputtered a bit, shaking her head and deciding to fuss over some mixing in her palette. "Oh, no. It's just, uh...You're good." She laughed a little, turning to add more strokes to her landscape's clouds. "Is there anything you aren't good at?"

 _Trust me, Bella, I'm naturally good at anything that will draw you in. It's a predator thing._ Instead of saying these words, I laughed. "It would seem I'm not good at modesty. Have I been showing off too much? My mother tells me I'm guilty of that." I winked at her, shaking my head. "There's plenty I'm not good at. I just tend to not do those things." Truthfully, I couldn't think of anything I wasn't good at. I could excel at most anything I tried to do, even if there might have been others in my family that could do them better.

This answer caused Bella to roll her eyes. Was she frustrated with my abilities? I wanted to comfort her, to tell her it was just a fault of my species, but I could tell she wasn't extremely upset. Perhaps just irritated. I could work with irritation. I went back to my quiet singing, and after a few more songs, she stood. "It's done," she decided, stepping back to take another look at the complete work. "Want to see?"

There was nothing I wanted more. I closed my book and went to stand beside of her. Getting so close was still challenging, the desire was there, but the urge to lift a hand and wrap it around her...That was stronger. Interesting, the little human instincts that she was reviving within me. I put my hands, instead, into the pockets of my innocent khakis.

The canvas before me was wonderful. It hadn't changed much since the last peek I got at it, but she had added smaller details. Highlights to the mostly dark clouds, moss to some of the rocky edges. The scene was calming, I could imagine the sounds of the tide that would accompany it. I looked to the bottom to see her signature. Her penmanship was at a lesser level than her painting, but mine was still stuck in the 1900s. Even the way she scrawled her name was charming to me.

"Stunning," I replied, looking down to her with a wide smile. She wasn't much shorter than me, but there was a significant enough difference. I pondered on the contrasts between us as we stood side by side. As well as the height, our bodies were shaped differently. She had soft curves, I had hard, slim lines. She had very light, almost unnoticeable, freckles along the bridge of her nose. I was the same smooth shade of alabaster all over. She was gorgeous in every way that I was not. I had to paint her, that much was decided, but that was a project I would have to pursue in private. Or maybe that was even creepier. It was a project that I would have to work out the logistics of. "Your mother will love it, I'm sure." Otherwise, I'd be happy to pay more for it than what the Mona Lisa would go for at auction, I thought to myself. It was extraordinarily valuable, and I hoped it would be appreciated.

I looked away when her head turned to face me. She was working something out, I could tell that the gears were turning in her brain. What was she wanting to say? What was eating at her? "Thank you," she mumbled again. She carefully picked it up, taking it to a safer place to dry, and began to clean her supplies as well. I watched, waiting. I knew something was coming, but she was keeping me in suspense. Did she not know just how torturous that was?

"Do you wanna go to Seattle with me?" she blurted out, and my eyebrows shot up my forehead. I blinked, waiting for elaboration, which I got in stuttered words. "There's a, um, art exhibit at the Museum of Art this weekend, and it looks,uh, I dunno. It looks cool? And I don't wanna go prom dress shopping with my other friends," she laughed, running her fingers back through her hair.

Bella was asking me to go out of town with her. Alone, one could only assume. I wouldn't make a decision now, I would have to weigh my options with Alice. I'd have to know how likely it was for me to take this beautiful woman into an alley, sink my teeth into her neck, and leave her for dead. It felt unlikely as of right now, but I could never be too confident with her. She was tempting, and I was strong, but that could change. "That sounds really fun," I told her with a small smile. "I'll check with my parents. I'm sure they'd be fine with it, I just don't know if they have anything planned." I knew she was aware of our "family hiking trips," I had heard Jessica Stanley speak bitterly of that fact. "But I'll let you know tomorrow, yeah?"

Her nervous expression turned into a smile, with that pink blush highlighting her cheeks. "Alright, sure." She nodded, gathering her stuff back into her bag. She was about to leave. I could live with that. I got my stuff together too, throwing my bag over my shoulder.

"One condition," I decided as we locked the classroom door behind us and went out into the parking lot. She frowned and looked at me expectantly. "I drive. I shudder to think the amount of gas it would take for that poor truck to go to Seattle and back."

She made a sour face, a slight pout on her lips, but sighed heavily. "That's not your business. But fine, I'll let you drive."

I grinned, walking with her to the old Chevy. "The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business, Bella." I leaned against the hood for a moment while she idly toyed with her keyring. A nervous habit, I noticed. "I'm an excellent driver. Never gotten a ticket." I patted the metal. "I'll see you tomorrow." I promised.

Bella opened her door and hoisted herself up into the driver's seat, nodding. "I'm holding you to that, you know." She gave me her own smirk, though it almost appeared to be a worried grimace. "See you, Edythe."

As I drove closer and closer to home, I could hear the beginnings of a family meeting. I couldn't bring myself to be frustrated by this, yet, for I was walking on air. Bella had me singing in my car consistently now, listening to happy music, smiling so much my cheeks hurt. I would have to argue both sides of the argument on why I should or should not keep interacting with her.

On the one hand, I would tell them, I was still a vampire. I was too strong to touch her the way I wanted to, and too weak to allow her to be so close to me. There was no happy ending for Bella and I. Being with her, as a friend or perhaps more, was not in her best interest. She deserved better. I could agree with everyone there.

But there was an opposing point. I wouldn't get support from all of them, but it didn't matter. It wasn't like I could be stopped in any way that wouldn't bring more attention, and I was too selfish to stay away from Bella.

I was in love with her. I would do anything to protect her, even from myself, and I would work as hard as I could to prevent my natural instincts to be any sort of threat to her. I did not want to live in a world without her anymore. The past ninety years had been too dark. I wanted her light, in whatever capacity she would allow me to have it.

Surely that would be hard to argue with, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here we gooooOOOoOoOOO!
> 
> I'm going to start putting the songs mentioned in the notes, there have been too many so far that I want to give proper credit to:
> 
> Hand in My Pocket - Alanis Morissette
> 
> Closer to Fine - The Indigo Girls
> 
> Luka - Suzanne Vega (only the artist is mentioned, but this is what I had in mind)
> 
> Linger - The Cranberries
> 
> Little Earthquakes - Tori Amos (mentioned in the last chapter)


	5. van dyke brown

Over roughly a century, we had had quite a few “family meetings.” It was to be expected; Esme, my siblings and I had all lived in vastly different times, died in extremely different ways. The only thing all of us had in common was the fact that we were turned by Carlisle. That left plenty of room for headbutting. The meeting regarding my relationship with Bella left me exhausted, and I didn’t even sleep to begin with. It was constant, from the time I had gotten home to the time we had to go to school in the morning. The couples were what I usually relied on for a conversation to end, hoping that at least one set of them would want to run off and do whatever unholy things they liked to think so loudly about in the night. I had to be slightly grateful, though, for Alice not going to bed with Jasper. Alice was the selling point for my selfish argument that Bella was safe with me. I needed her as an ally, to relay her visions to the more skeptical side of the debate.

Esme was ecstatic to know that Bella would be so close to me, but also be a part of our family, in one way or another. Carlisle felt peace. He had more confidence in me than I ever deserved, and he wanted me to have someone like her in my life. Jasper was uneasy, but I knew he could feel what I felt for her. He didn’t trust Bella, nor did he seem to fully trust me and my control. He made it very clear in his thoughts that he would not allow my selfishness put his family, primarily Alice, into any danger. Emmett was just happy that I was “out of the closet” and taking far too much joy in the fact that they had all known and accepted my sexuality before I knew it existed.

Rosalie was outnumbered. She knew that. That did not stop her from reminding me of all the risks, all of the points of my poor judgment. I let her air those thoughts, as I did with everyone else in my family. I knew they were right, I felt those things for myself as well. My passion for Bella won all of the battles in the war that was our evening.

After I had given Bella my answer, my agreement to accompany her this weekend, I learned more of the reasoning behind Alice’s alliance. This girl, my little pixie sister, was motivated by the urge to get me ready for a night out with this human. My hell began on Friday night.

“Alice, we aren’t leaving until tomorrow evening. I don’t need to fret over what to wear, or what do with my hair-“

“Yes, you _do_ , Edythe, just cooperate!” Alice protested, grabbing my arm and dragging me into her and Jasper’s bedroom. She put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me down to sit on the stool in front of her vanity, and I eyed my reflection helplessly. As if that statue trapped in the glass could save me. “It isn’t every day I can get my sister ready for her first date,” she added, beginning to run a brush through my bronze hair.

I sighed heavily. “It isn’t a date, Alice.” Was it? I couldn’t be sure. I didn’t know Bella’s preferences, and I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. I didn’t want to be that person that flattered themselves so deeply as to assume any amount of interest equated to romantic affection. Bella and I both liked art, so why wouldn’t she want to go to an art exhibit with me? I was a second choice, as I understood it, seeing as she had been invited to go prom dress shopping and her other friends would not want to accompany her to this event. _Other_ friends. Did that make me an official friend? I was interrupted by Alice turning the stool to stare at me face on.

“Are you opposed to makeup?” she asked, and I was appalled. Of course I was opposed to makeup. I wore it in the appropriate decades, when I needed to follow the trends, but this time period had been so simple! I had the smooth complexion, long, dark eyelashes. I didn’t need “contour” or absurd amounts of lipstick and winged eyeliner. I could see Alice’s vision, what she wanted to turn me into, and I scoffed. “Bella will like it, you know, if you just let me do it,” she crooned, gesturing for me to close my eyes. I could feel every grain of powder as she brushed glittery shadow onto my eyelids. I knew to remain completely still, but my skin was crawling. Would she really? It drove me mad to know that Alice seemed to understand the girl better than I did. That was _my_ Bella, the love of _my_ life, and my sister already knew what she would and wouldn’t like based on decisions I hadn’t yet made.

I let out a sigh through my nostrils. “Keep it subtle,” was my only request. I stayed silent as she worked for far too long on my eyes, coating mascara through the lashes, concealer on the hint of dark circles. I was still planning to hunt before this time alone with Bella, but apparently Alice wanted to make sure I was as flawless as possible. I could feel her brushing more irritating powder along my cheeks, and my fingernails clenched into my fists. I would have to sneak makeup wipes into my car.

“Alice,” I began after she swiped some gloss across my lips, “Are you going to allow me to choose my own clothes?” My sister, who looked so smug and pleased with her artistry, deflated before me. She loved clothes, she had for years. She had played a major role in dressing my family in the same sort of style, and I wondered if she knew how her coordination made bystanders think of us as even more similar to a cult. I didn’t dare tell her that, she was so heartbreaking when she was pouty. Just like the sad, disappointed look on her face now. “I want to look like myself. Not that you don’t pick out wonderful outfits, Alice, but I want to do this on my own, you know? For Bella. For your friend.” I was taking advantage of the fondness she had for my possible-date, but I did mean the sentiment. I wanted to put my own effort into how I looked. I wanted to look different than usual, but not like I had been trying so hard. I knew khakis were out of the question.

I got a reluctant nod from my sister, but her agreement was only skin deep. She was projecting possibilities, ideas of what she would have chosen to me. What she would wear for such an occasion was far different from my personal taste. I had been so apathetic to my fashion the past few years, I let Alice dominate my wardrobe, but now I cared so deeply that it was overwhelming. I was in over my head. “I’ll let you know if I need you,” I assured her. “Thank you.” 

Part of me had been hoping she would leave it at that, allow me to go back to my room. As I stood to leave, however, her mind spoke to me. _Are you nervous?_

She had to know the answer to that already. I nodded, which made her smile, just slightly. _Then talk to me, Edie. It'll help._ She knew that wasn't quite my style. I had always kept more to myself, bottled everything in while also hearing what everyone else was keeping inside. My gift was a blessing, I should be proud of it. The Volturi had made me very aware of what they thought, how valuable I was. But it was also such a horrible curse. I couldn't just give someone privacy, and it was a miracle that my family could stand me for so long. I think that's why Alice and I bonded so strongly. Even if she annoyed me to no end some days, she was the only one who truly understood the burden. I saw the process of the decisions made, she saw the outcomes. 

If I had to release some of my stress on anyone, I knew Alice would understand. She would listen. I took a slow, deep breath, and leaned against the wall. "She doesn't deserve this," I whispered. I could hear the rest of the family distracting themselves, and I was grateful that they were giving me as much privacy as they were capable of. I could never give that back to them. "I don't know how she wants me. I don't know if I would ever have the courage to ask. But in any way, as a friend, as a...partner, she should not have to sink to this level, Alice. I know that. Every argument against my doing this with her is completely fair and justified, and I should have the strength to listen. To walk away, to shun her." I ran a hand through my hair, hearing her disappointment at how I rustled up her hard work. "I just can't." My voice sounded weak, almost childlike. 

_You deserve to be happy, Edythe. And I would argue that Bella does, too. I know how stubborn she is, I've seen it. Alice smiled, crossing the room to take my hand. I wasn't the best with physical affection, but she was. If she didn't want to be in your life, she wouldn't be. She_ will _be happy with you, Edie._

Even if I could see her honesty, I found it hard to believe that anyone could be happy with me. I smiled down at the little fairy girl before me, and squeezed her hand gently. "Thank you, Al." I nodded to her to excuse myself, slipping down the hall to my bedroom. 

I sifted through boxes, the small amount of old artifacts from my life were tucked into the back of my closet, the items I wouldn't allow Alice to clean out. I wanted to look different, but I also didn't want to draw too much attention. I would have to mix and match. Still look like a Cullen, but show Bella more of the true Edythe. I spent more time choosing the music to listen to while I tried to coordinate an outfit. I was going overboard, I was trying far too hard to make it look like I just "threw something together." I was regressing to my physical age, but it wasn't an unwelcome feeling. When had I ever been giddy, and excited, and so nervous I was certain my nonexistent digestive tract could allow me to throw up? I couldn't remember if I'd had any sort of "crush" as a human, but I could guarantee that it wasn't like this. 

_What if this is just the beginning  
We're already wet and we're gonna go swimming-  
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?_

***

I didn't emerge from my bedroom until the early afternoon. I would need to hunt, something quick and simple, without getting blood all over myself. I was practiced enough in that area, I wasn't worried. My main concern was not being able to slip out unnoticed. Yes, I was slightly sheepish about the way I looked. It was different. Instead of khakis, I had on tight, dark jeans. Rather than simple flats, I opted for combat boots. I made sure not to look so drastically different, throwing one of my usual cardigans over a No Doubt tshirt. I decided to allow Alice's ridiculous powders to stay on my face, even if I had dabbed away some of the harsh shimmer on my cheeks. I pulled a black beanie over my coppery curls, letting them cascade over my shoulders. When I had seen myself in the mirror, I knew I was being myself. Genuine. Maybe that's why I was so scared, and a tad embarrassed.

A few hours and a couple of drained deer later, I received a text from Bella. She was ready whenever I was to head towards Seattle, but gave me a warning from her father that there would be some thunderstorms tonight. I couldn't help but smirk to myself; I was already well aware that I would be missing the ball game tonight. She was more than worth that.

I zipped to the garage, getting in my car and hearing the myriad of texts from my family as I started to drive. I might have been irritated before; why would they need to text when I could still hear them? But now, it only made me laugh. I let my muscle memory lead the way to the address Bella had given me, while my other hand swiped through the messages.

 _Just be yourself, Edie, you'll be fine!_ Alice.  
 _Do not underestimate yourself. Allow yourself happiness, my girl._ Carlisle.   
_PLEASE get laid!!!_ Emmett, ever the charmer.

I pulled up to the house, glancing over it and listening for any thoughts nearby. She must have been alone, only her truck was in the driveway and there was no new mental voice of her father. Tempting. I couldn't help but let my thoughts wander, what I could be doing right now if I gave in. But that's all they were, thoughts. I didn't have to give into them, and I wouldn't. I would not underestimate myself. 

My fears of looking like I was too different, or trying too hard, were relieved slightly when I saw Bella come out the front door. Had she been watching for me? More importantly, did she know just how gorgeous she looked?

Her hair was pulled back, that was her first mistake. No, her first mistake would be avoiding the use of an umbrella, and then letting her neck be bare like that. She was in blue jeans, with a rip in the knee that I knew had to be genuine with how often she seemed to stumble. The long-sleeved sweater she had chosen was more form-fitting than what she typically wore, with a collar in the shape of a v. Even with a heavy-duty raincoat on top, she still looked so beautiful. Stunning, even as she took careful steps on her slippery walk to my car, quite like how a baby deer would cautiously tread. I unlocked the doors and prepared myself for the assault of her scent, turning up my music just a touch to center myself.

_I'm only happy when it rains  
I'm only happy when it's complicated  
And though I know you can't appreciate it  
I'm only happy when it rains,_

Indeed, she did not seem like the biggest fan of Forks weather. My door opened, and she climbed into the passenger's side, shivering. I immediately turned up the heat, and smiled at her with my breath held for now. "Great weather we're having," I told her, and she let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Ah, yeah. Couldn't ask for anything more." She held her hands over the heating vent. "Sorry for getting your car so wet," she added, her cheeks pink from both the cold and what I could only assume to be chagrin. After a couple days of not being so close, the frustration of not being able to read her was renewed. 

I shook my head, glancing over to her as I started onto our drive to the city. "Don't worry about it. Just get warm, you're shivering," I said softly. I sounded protective, I barely recognized that edge to my voice. I finally let myself breathe in, and I nearly moaned at the smell. With the heat of the car, the dampness of her skin, it was torture. 

_Don't underestimate yourself._ I could handle it. I had filled myself to the brim with the blood of my hunt, but it wasn't nearly as good as she would be. Never as good. "Did you have a good night, Bella?" I asked, my grip tightening slightly on the wheel. I took another look at her, longer than necessary, before turning my attention back to the highway. I could see makeup over her skin, the texture was so noticeable to my kind's eyes, but I could see a hint of purpley tones under her eyes. 

She finally sat back, her hands resting in her lap now. "I guess," she sighed. "Just had a hard time staying asleep. I visited a friend of mine last night, and we got to talking, and I think my subconscious was having a field day with the stories he told me." She chuckled. "He lives on the reservation. You know where La Push is?"

I wondered how she would react if I broke the steering wheel off of my car. I opted to not find out, continuing to take deep, searing hot, breaths. She had a friend who lived on the other side of the treaty line, that was no big deal. That could be anyone. But stories? "Was he trying to scare you?" I asked, painting a smile on my lips in an effort to not seem phased by her innocent comments. "I know where it is, yes. They have a lot of stories on the reservation, I hear."

Bella was squirming slightly in her seat, I could hear the leather shifting. She seemed uncomfortable. I didn't want her to feel that way with me, but I don't think it had anything to do with what I said...I hoped it didn't, anyway. "Just some old, spooky myths. The exhibit tonight features some pieces based on Quileute legend, so I guess I just wanted to get the inside scoop."

I hadn't even thought to see the subject of the exhibit! Alice hadn't mentioned anything about it, though she had mentioned some blurriness around the art itself. Damn it all. I was going to be tested much more than I had previously thought. "I'm sure it's very interesting," I replied, nodding. "You'll have to fill me in, I haven't heard any of the myths before," I lied smoothly. I was a part of plenty of them. 

She agreed, and I could tell she was excited to see the exhibit. That did bring me some joy, a tiny amount of peace. It didn’t feel awkward, the two of us being alone together and out of town for the first time. We had never hung out outside of school, but it didn’t feel very different. Though there was nothing natural about our relationship, and it certainly wasn't effortless, it was nice to talk to her. To be with her as she told me about her life in the past couple of days, the time she had spent with the friend I now knew as Jacob. I didn't pry, I just let her speak. That is, until she turned the conversation towards me.

"You look different today. No khakis," she observed with a grin. "It's nice. You look...cool. Not that you don't always, but ya know." That blush again, bright pink painting her cheeks. I grinned, and raised an eyebrow at her. I did love a compliment, I couldn't deny it. She continued, "Why don't you dress like this at school? You seem more comfortable like this, more yourself. Your eyes are lighter."

It sounded like she had theories on me, like she had been considering how to figure me out. I was prepared to reply about how my sister liked clothes more, and I was willing to let her fill most of my wardrobe. Sometimes I liked to do my own thing, I had had more time to get ready today, all sorts of explanations. But then she mentioned my eyes. "What does my eye color have to do with it?" I asked, curious at her logic. Maybe she was more observant than I considered most humans to be.

My curiosity didn't make her smile like I thought it would have. She looked a little more serious, which worried me. "They're darker when you're upset. Or in a bad mood, I've noticed. And then when you're happier, they're light. They look like honey right now, so you must be happy. Am I right?" she asked. 

How could I find an explanation? I couldn't blame the lighting, she had made a semi-decent hypothesis. The relation of the color and the mood was there, but there were deeper layers that I'm sure she couldn't actually guess. So if she believed my eyes could change with my mood, why not let her? I wasn't actually giving anything away. I shrugged. "I guess you are," I replied, a bit more carefully than before. "I am happy." I turned to her and smiled, just so she could see. She was satisfied with herself, smiling back at me in some kind of triumph. I laughed, shaking my head and looking back at the road.

"What's funny?"

"You." I was flying on the interstate, Courtney Love had begun to sing through my speakers, and there was a human girl next to me making theories about my eye color. The whole situation was a bit comical, I had never lived my life this way. "Have you made any other observations about me, Isabella?" I asked, though I wasn't sure that I'd want the answers.

She nodded. "Tons," she replied. 

I should have known I wouldn't stand a chance. What had I done to give away that I was different? No one else had thought up any strange ideas about me or my family. But...No one had gotten as close as Bella had. Fuck. "Let's hear them, then," I prompted her. I hadn't considered letting my secret out today. I couldn't do that, I couldn't break the law and put my family, and Bella, into that sort of danger. If she had these ideas on her own and came to her own conclusions, however...We couldn't be at fault for that, right?  
Bella was quiet for too long. I wanted to be able to stare at her, to try and read her, but I knew the illusion I had to play with my driving. I had to feign some sense of attention. When she finally did speak, my fingers went to turn down the music even further. I wanted to be able to focus on her voice completely. "You're really cold," she pointed out. My thoughts reminisced on how I would lightly tap her shoulder, or our arms would brush against each other when we cleaned up our supplies. "You don't seem to have any body heat. And you're pale. Your whole family is. It just seems...I'm sorry, this sounds crazy, and I mean no offense!" she clarified before continuing, "If you all are foster children, how do you have the same eyes?" 

I had to admit, it was a fair point. I was shocked that I hadn't heard the skepticism before. The only controversy from my family was the fact that "adopted siblings" were dating one another. Bella was questioning whether or not we were adopted at all, it felt like. Did she think we were real siblings dating each other? Surely not. Perhaps she just thought that Carlisle and Esme had preferences, but that did not line up with their generous, loving reputation. They wouldn't be choosy, they were saving troubled teenagers.  
"Can I ask how long you've been with your parents?" Bella asked, pulling me out of my thoughts before I could even bother to explain our eyes.

 _Oh, sure. I've been with Carlisle nearly one-hundred years now, Esme just three years less._ "A while," I replied quietly, recollecting the lie I had had to give others who had been curious in the past. "My parents died of a rare flu when I was young. I don't remember them," I added in, seeing the frown forming on her face. "I was in the foster system until I was fifteen. Esme and Carlisle see children like me and my siblings, the ones that are too old for most parents looking to adopt, and they treat us as their own. We are not any less valuable than the babies and toddlers, in their eyes."

"Who's the eldest?" she asked next. It felt like a trap, like she was waiting to find a hole in my story, to see if I would hesitate. She didn't know I had plenty of extra speed, I could think fast and come up with a lie before she could blink. The lie seemed to blur, people made their own observations and conclusions. We had never deliberately made that announcement before, I would have remembered that.

"Jasper and Rosalie are the eldest, they're twins," I began. "Then Emmett. Then me, and then Alice." I tried to go with the general dynamic we presented. Emmett had too often referred to Alice and I as "little sister," and while I didn't know if anyone else had heard it, I couldn't ignore that factor. "But there really isn't much of a gap between any of us." That was obvious, we were all in the same grade. So whatever birth order there was, I had to keep up the idea that at the most, we were only a few months apart. 

Bella nodded, and again, I could almost hear the gears turning in her brain. Almost. I needed to know if she was buying it, what she was thinking, what any of these facts did to support or hurt the theories she had evidently been mulling over for some time now. I didn't know if I was helping or hurting my case. "You're all extremely smart," she added now. "I don't have classes with all of you, but I hear the rumors. Angela says you can be reading a book in biology, but always have the right answer if Mr. Banner calls on you." Another blush, and a stammered addition, "Not that she gossips about you or anything! I mean, I don't...Uh. Maybe I do talk about you, and ask about you. I'm sorry-"

"Bella, it's fine," I chuckled. "People talk about us. You and Angela are hardly the first to gossip about the Cullen clan." I winked at her. "Don't worry about it. We are all very aware of it." She was the first to admit to it, though, which I found admirable. She wasn't two-faced, she was honest. Transparent, even if she as also so very difficult for me to see through. "Yes, I guess we are smart. Esme helped all of us, when we were first taken in. Jasper, Rosalie, and I, our families were wealthier before we were orphaned, so we did go to more prestigious schools when we were children." I shrugged. Not quite a lie, at least for me and Rosalie. But since Jasper was her "twin," he had to be grouped with her. "I hate to think I've been showing off, though," a sly grin crept across my lips.

The brunette laughed. "I don't think you do," she countered playfully. She looked out the window, the first time she had looked away from me since we'd started driving. She turned her head back to me quickly, checking my speedometer. "Jesus, Edythe, have you been going 110 this whole time?!" she shrieked, her hand going to grip at the handle above the window.

Fascinating, how quickly her reaction changed. She hadn't minded the speed when she had been oblivious to it. She hadn't noticed, I was a smooth driver. But she had apparently been so invested in me, in our conversation. Just seeing that little gauge had sent her into a panic, and I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I have, and it didn't bother you one bit til you looked! Relax, Bella. I'm an excellent driver." I'd been driving since the damn Model T was invented, I was well equipped to race around in my Volvo. 

"My dad is the police chief, you know," she warned me. I made a small "oooh" sound, playing up my intimidation at the idea. I wasn't worried. Even on the rare possibility that I would ever get pulled over, I could easily charm my way out of a ticket. 

"Calm down. Just trust me," I cooed to her, pulling into the parking lot of the museum. "Now." I put my gear shift into park. "I know you probably have a lot of interesting ideas about my family and I, and I would love to hear them. But do I get a turn in learning more about you?" I asked. 

She pondered this, unbuckling her seatbelt and putting her hand onto the handle of the door. "I'm not as mysterious or interesting as you," she clarified before stepping out. I got out as well, locking the door behind me and tilting my face up to the cold rain for a moment. It was refreshing to me, but I knew it bothered Bella. She was itching to get into warm shelter. 

I walked with her, hands in the pockets of my jeans as we went towards the entrance. "I disagree. I think you're very interesting. And mysterious. Hell, the whole school is so curious about you, Bella.” I handed my card over for our admission, not even giving her a chance to argue against it. She did, however, give me quite the look of skepticism as we stepped through into the museum. I picked up a brochure, illustrated with old, native drawings, and handed one to her with a small boop to her nose. Another lopsided grin, and a furrowed brow from Bella, I was thrilled to begin my side of the interrogation:

“I want the inside scoop.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So this chapter was a BITCH, I am so sorry for the wait! Thank you as always for the follows, the favorites, the reviews. I hope this one doesn’t disappoint!   
> Songs mentioned:  
> Why Can’t I – Liz Phair  
> Only Happy When it Rains – Garbage  
> Doll Parts – Hole (Courtney Love is only mentioned, but this is what I imagine)
> 
> {shameless promo: my twilight tumblr is sitdownlookpale. you can ask questions there or promo the fic! plug over :0)}


	6. sap green

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don't usually say hello at the beginning of a chapter, but I felt it necessary for this one. HELLO! Just want to give a warning that this chapter features some creepy thoughts of a creepy guy and it may be triggering to some people. I don't want to give spoilers, but there's some mention of kidnapping/trafficking/thoughts of that nature. Nothing is extremely detailed, but I wanted to cover my bases! I also feel a little weird about using the Quileute legends to start leading towards ideas of the supernatural and I definitely don’t think it’s okay, but I tried to do it in a more respectful way than Stephenie Meyer. And I’ll be the first to tell you Edythe can be a little biased bitch sometimes but we done knew that about Eddie so….ANYWAY! I just wanted to make that clear for my own sake. Don't want anyone uncomfortable in a story that's meant to be fun. Enjoy!

Bella didn't seem too thrilled that I would be asking her questions now. Perhaps she felt she had been too invasive, and that I would try to pry as deeply into her family dynamics. I hope she didn't think I was offended by her previous curiosity. Slightly more paranoid than before, maybe, but never offended. She had fair points. I let her lead the way, taking slow steps to look at the large displays of Quileute art. I was relieved to see that "cold ones" were not the only theme they could create.

As we took it all in, I asked her about her life. I asked about her parents, her new stepfather, and why she chose not to live in Florida with them. I learned a few hints on the cause of the divorce; it didn't seem to be a sore subject for Bella. Renee must have been so very different from her daughter, I wanted to see the dynamic of how Bella had lived with her for most of her life. I wanted to know about Arizona, what she did there, her friends. No matter how much she insisted that her life was boring, I was enthralled. She liked to read, I would have to find some recommendations for her. She didn't have many friends, that was why moving hadn't been hard for her. She was doing so well socially in Forks, I could hear how liked she was, so I was surprised at this.

"Who wouldn't want to be your friend? You're always at a full lunch table, and the boys are ready to fight to the death to take you to prom," I teased, and her cheeks turned pink. She turned away, hiding behind the curtain of her hair as she studied a case full of small, wooden carvings. I licked my lips, running a delicate finger along the corner of the glass box. "The way I see it, those Arizonians do not know what they were missing. Unless you avoided them, and you just have more of a taste for us pale, rain-dwelling Forksians." I chuckled at my made-up terms.

"A mixture of both," Bella compromised, grinning. "I just keep to myself, mostly. I like the friends I've made here, though. Even if the guys are annoying, they're not too bad. I guess Arizona gave more shirtless showing off opportunities." She rolled her eyes. "But I do wish they'd give up on prom. I'm not going with any of them."

The way she worded this made me curious. Did normal conversation involve so much clarification, or was Bella just a special case? "Do you have plans to go alone?" I asked, figuring this was tiptoeing along a safe enough line. 

Bella shook her head, stepping forward to view the next piece. "I'm not much of a prom person. Dancing, dresses, socializing with kids who are wasted on spiked punch. Not my scene." She smiled, though it looked more like a grimace, and turned to me. "Are you going?"

I had been to prom many, _many_ times. I had flown to France with my sisters to consult with designers on custom gowns. I had watched my siblings dance to "Blue Moon," "Time After Time," and all the sappy ballads in between. I had sat out of the last few, telling Alice I would give her one prom per decade, but Bella did not need to miss out. She was a human, and prom was a critical experience, a rite of passage. She only had one shot at her prom. I read a plaque on the wall explaining a large painting as I replied. "I don't know. I might. Could be fun, sitting to the side and watching the drunk children." I grinned. "And you wouldn't have to wear a dress. Break the norms, Bella." She had already been breaking the norm far more than she was aware of. 

She rolled her eyes. "I might think about it," she replied, but I could see she was still not excited. All the same, I did feel some rush of joy that my presence at prom might've swayed her even the slightest bit. I left her alone for a while, not prying or asking more questions and letting her appreciate the art she had been so excited to see. I would admit that the tapestries were beautiful, I could appreciate the work put in and the culture behind all of these pieces. I had nothing against the tribe itself, but the dogs that came from it...I could admit a strong bias. 

The biggest piece, the center of the whole exhibit, was an ancient tapestry that had to be hundreds of years old judging by the fabrics and textures of the paints used. It was primitive, tribal, far older than I was. If I had to guess, I would say the tapestry had to be around the same age as Carlisle, if not older. Bella was enraptured, and that spark of interest in her eyes made me feel as if my dead heart was swelling. She was so...cute. I'd never felt extreme affection for kittens, or puppy dogs, or children. But Bella was someone I could imagine cuddling up with and protecting. I was in deep shit.

My thoughts were beginning to weave into sonnets, I was being hopelessly romantic, but I was interrupted by some interference. I had been doing well, tuning out everyone else in the museum to the best of my ability, but one mental voice stood out. Low, gruff. His thoughts disturbed me, and my fingers clenched at the glossy paper of the brochure.

_Those two are looking damned good...Both young, small. Brown haired one, she'll be easier. Tall ginger bitch looks like trouble._

I saw his plan of taking Bella and I to a warehouse, for trafficking purposes, and I wondered if there was anything I was capable of throwing up. Back in my days of feeding from humans, this was exactly the kind of target I'd have. A growl bubbled up in my throat, and my eyes followed the sound of his thoughts to see the man who was going to threaten Bella's safety. Threaten Bella's _happiness._ No. Not on my watch. 

He was about as handsome as any low-life pervert could be. He'd be much prettier with his guts ripped out. He was older, much too old to have a preference for anyone Bella's age. He was stubbly, and overweight, but he carried himself with the confidence of a 21-year-old model. Toxic masculinity personified, I could see that in every centimeter of his mind. He slipped out of the front door, and I had to take a step to the side to see that he was waiting on a bench near my car. Not so subtle, was he? I ran my tongue over my teeth, gently putting a hand on Bella's shoulder to get her attention. "Excuse me for just one moment," I requested, and she nodded, though that furrow of confusion brought her brows closer together. I gave her a small smile before making my way to the exhibit's interest.

I couldn't kill him. I knew that much. If I drank his blood, and then went back to Bella...The bloodlust would be too much. Not to mention she paid attention to my eyes. As much as I wanted to, as much as he deserved to have his blood drained from his pathetic body, I couldn't kill him. I just had to scare him, and hope that he wouldn't find any other victims tonight. _Selfish._ Alright, maybe I would snap his neck later. But for now, no murder. As I made my way into the cool, damp air, I kept my thoughts close to Bella, in case there were any other predators watching her. This man was priority one, and although I hated to leave the girl alone, I couldn't let her see what I was going to do to him. 

My hands were in my pocket, reaching for my keys to play up the scene. I was going to my car, I was going to be grabbing some extra money from my glovebox to get Bella something from the gift shop. That was what I would say, when the man would inevitably speak to me, but maybe I would get her a little trinket. Time would tell. I hadn't even gotten to my car before the man stood from the bench, following me around to the driver's side. 

"Hey, sweetheart," he crooned to me. "You doin’ alright tonight?"

I had a lot of experience in acting. I was not as theatrical as Rose, but I could put on a wonderful show when I allowed myself to give in to my emotions, give in to my anger. My eyes were wide, lips parted like I was breathing heavily in my rush to my car, and my hand over my heart. "Oh! Yes, hello," I replied, my voice higher, softer. "I'm doing well. Me and my friend are here to see the exhibit from out of town." That was just what he wanted. Tourists. Young, naive women, far away from home. Vile.

"Are you? I'd be happy to show you around, you know. Do you need a place to stay tonight?" he asked. He was making it far too easy. I could hear his thoughts, relaying how he planned to give me an address that would take me straight to a location where he and his accomplices could overwhelm us, hide us. He held out a card, the address already written. I smiled, eager and sweet, before one swift movement to break his wrist. I stood on my toes, clamping my hand over his mouth to keep him quiet. I narrowed my eyes to make sure he understood before grabbing him and taking him to a darker side of the parking lot. I wasn't doing anything inhuman. I was just a very scary little girl fighting a very, very bad man. I could get away with that. I removed my hand, and his mouth began.

"The fuck are you doing, you bitch?" he demanded, pulling his good hand back in what I saw to be an effort to hit me. I broke this wrist as well, sending a thread of obscenities from his lips. I grabbed onto the lapel of his coat, shoving him back into a wall of bricks. 

"You are going to leave," I snarled to him. "You're going to grovel and beg for someone to call a cab to the hospital, because your dumb ass smashed both wrists in your car doors. That is what you're going to tell them, and you're going to feel humiliated for it. Unless you want to tell them a 17-year-old you were planning to abduct broke them for you." I shrugged. "I couldn't give less of a shit." He began to speak, wanting to voice the contradicting thoughts of anger racing through his head, and I whipped my hand so that his skull would bash into the stone. Ah, blood. I'd gone too far, let my strength overwhelm me. But I could remain strong, I knew I could deal with him without giving in. If anything, Bella had only built my tolerance. His blood wasn't as good as hers, tainted with alcohol and painkillers. He wouldn't be worth it. 

There was some sick, twisted pleasure in listening to a person's thoughts jumble. To hear when they were weakened. This man's thoughts had gone from crystal clear rage to a more foggy, sluggish trail of fury and confusion. In the phase where I had hunted monsters like this, I took so much time to listen to the thoughts die with someone. I couldn't have that pleasure yet. I was allowing my instincts to take over in that I was attacking him at all, but I wouldn't go that far. Though one more crack wouldn't hurt. I reared his head back once more, my body freezing into a perfect statue when I heard a small, shaking voice call out my name. 

_"Edythe!"_

Bella. Of course I couldn't have known she was coming, I couldn't hear her, and I had been too wrapped up in my murderous fantasies to hear her footsteps, or her delectable heartbeat. _Shit._ I let go of the predator, letting him fall to the ground. I didn't even realize I had been the one supporting his weight. I took a step back, my mind racing. How would I explain this to her? I didn't want to frighten her, I didn't want her to know what this man had been planning, and I obviously didn't want to tell her how I knew. Then again, out of all the secrets I had, would that be the worst one? 

I ran a hand through my hair and started walking. I gestured for Bella to follow me back into the museum. This was her trip, she wanted to see it, and I knew she couldn't be done yet. My lips were closed, I didn't say one word, but amazingly, the poor girl trailed after me. I wish I could prod into her mind to see what she had seen, but it was a mystery. Either way, she had seen far too much. "Where did you leave off?" I asked, starting to make our way back through the progression of the exhibit. My voice was too even, almost at a monotone in an effort to mask the adrenaline, the rage, the thirst I felt from the whole ordeal. 

Bella stopped in front of a canvas that was unfamiliar to me, so this must have been her stopping point before she had come out to look for me. She was looking up at me in disbelief, and her eyes were somehow both innocent and furious all at once. "You know you owe me an explanation," she demanded. 

My arms immediately crossed over my chest, raising one eyebrow. "I don't believe I owe you anything," I replied smoothly. It wouldn't do well for me to antagonize Bella, I knew deep down that she was right. But I was running on the pure fire in my veins, I was still playing defense. This was not the way I wanted the conversation to go, but my mouth was taking more authority than my mind. How very human of me. "I believe you might owe me a thank you for ensuring you won't be trapped into sex trafficking tonight. But you're welcome." 

I began to walk and examine the pieces on my own, knowing she wasn't going to cooperate and just play along. Stubborn, Alice had warned me about that quirk. "He was really going to do that?" she asked. Had I frightened her? "How did you...Did he try to get you?" I didn't know if she was actually worried, or if she was trying to find a motivation for why I would bash a man's skull in an alley. I nodded simply, unwilling to elaborate further. I couldn't say I heard his plans, and I didn't want to scare her more by talking about his mannerisms and behavior that would lead me to that idea outside of his thoughts. Bella reluctantly walked with me, she didn't want to make a scene in the exhibit, either. Not as stubborn as she could've been. "Edythe, stop," she said firmly, and I stopped in my tracks. I looked back at her expectantly, and she huffed. "Will you please be honest with me? The truth?"

She was so sincere. So sweet, so kind. So generous, to want to bring me along to begin with. She didn't know it would have saved her life to have me with her. She just wanted to be with me. My _friend._ That's what we were now, at least. And it was already far more than I deserved. I looked at her helplessly for a long few moments before going to sit on a squishy, cheap bench outside of the bathrooms. "I can't give you the whole truth, Bella. But I will be honest. You have to accept that, alright?" A slow nod. "I know what that man wanted from us. Both me and you. It's disgusting, and vile, and I couldn't let him have the chance. So when I went outside, I baited him." I looked down at my feet. "And then I broke both of his wrists and cracked his skull." I chuckled humorlessly. So much for blending in. 

"How?" she asked, and I glanced up to catch those beautiful chocolate eyes, wide with wonder. How could I deny this girl the truth? Even if it put her in danger to know the facts about me, she had me wrapped around her finger. "I mean, you're...He was so much bigger than you, E." E. That was a first. I didn't allow myself to linger on the new nickname for long.

I couldn't look her in the eyes, focusing my eyes on the small women's symbol on the door ahead. "I'm strong, I guess. Have a lot of practice in self-defense." Not quite a lie, not quite the truth. "It helps to be underestimated. He didn't think he'd have to worry, that I'd be light and easy. He thought I was stupid, too, giving me an address and saying he'd give us a place to stay tonight." I felt her shudder, my shoulder just barely brushing against her own. "You don't have to worry about him now, Bella. Believe me, I took care of it." I planned to more thoroughly take care of it when she was sound asleep, and safe. 

Her eyes were still glued to me, trying to add up how I could have that level of strength. Bella wasn't stupid, she knew something was off, and she was so firm and stubborn in her beliefs that I wouldn't be able to charm my way out of this. Nor did I want to be. "He couldn't have told you all of that," she assumed. "So how did you know?"

I was an undercover spy? I was a master of deduction, like Sherlock Holmes. I'd been researching sex traffickers in the area of Seattle? No, even if I made these excuses, she wouldn't believe them. Bella could somehow see through me better than I could her. “I heard it,” I replied, my voice much quieter now. I didn’t argue that he hadn’t told me. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing, having Bella piece some information together on her own. If all she knew was that I could read minds, that didn’t automatically lead her down the path of vampires, right? She stared at me, she was waiting for more. “I can hear everyone in this museum,” I admitted, “With one exception.” I looked into her eyes, as if I was trying to push through to her thoughts.

She was quick, I could give her that. Bella did take her time with her thoughts, an agonizing amount of time, but not as long as it might have taken anyone else in this situation. “Mindreading?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper I could see fear in her eyes. What secrets did she have that she didn’t want me to see? Her teeth began to chew on her lower lip, and a slow smile crept onto my lips.

“One exception, Bella,” I reminded her. I tapped my temple and glanced around the room. “I can read every mind, except yours.” Concern etched its way onto her face, along with the fear and confusion. Bless this sweet girl’s heart. I couldn't tell if she was skeptical, curious, or both, but I continued. As I read the base thoughts of passersby, I whispered them aloud and gave small gestures so Bella could match the thoughts to the person.

_Money. Sex. Does my ass look fat? How did she rope me into this? Sex. Dog. Granddaughter._

These thoughts matched with couples, a young woman, an elderly gentleman. No one of any significance, not thinking any thoughts of significance, but Bella was fascinated. She followed every gesture. "But...Not me," she finally responded. I shook my head, smiling a bit sadly. She didn't know how badly I wished I could just get one word from her mind. "Is there something wrong with my brain?" she asked, and I nearly burst out into giggles. Instead, I just grinned.

"Isabella, I promise, nothing is wrong with your brain. I'm the one who hears all the voices. I think your brain might be better than everyone else's, it knows how to defend itself against this weirdo," I teased, pointing to myself. I stood up, a small hand movement to get her to follow me as I weaved our way through the exhibit to the inevitable gift shop. I could tell her interest in Quileute art was fading, and I was anticipating some human needs she would have. A light rumble in her stomach assured me that, yes, a bite to eat would be in order. "Pick something out," I offered. 

Bella ran her fingers along a shelf of carved souvenirs. "No, that's okay. You don't need to get any of this." I rolled my eyes, picking up a cheap magnet advertising for the museums. She didn't like gifts, that was a new fact about Bella. But that wouldn't stop me. I was raised in an age of chivalry, I liked tokens of affection. And, admittedly, I felt guilty for the state she had caught me in. She was going to get something, even if my choices were rather ridiculous here. I perused along with her, deciding on a small keychain of a paint palette. It felt appropriate, on more levels than one. She continued to whine and protest as I went through the checkout, but she didn’t make a scene. 

After I’d bought the keychain, I held it out for her. I had half expected her to refuse it further, to not take it, but she did accept it and slid it into her pocket. “Thanks,” she murmured, and as much as she had argued against receiving any present, she was blushing. I smiled. “You’re hungry,” I assumed as we made our way back into the parking lot. The man I had fought in the alley was gone, we were safe.

“I thought you couldn’t read my mind,” she looked at me with a raised eyebrow.   
I grinned, stepping into my car and turning the heat on for her. “I can hear your stomach. Don’t get self-conscious, no one else can,” I added as her blush deepened. “Let’s go get you something to eat.” If she had given me such trouble over a keychain, I doubted she would allow a fancy dinner. A diner seemed more her speed, I could do that. Her eyes were glancing to me, not staring as openly as before, and her hands were stuffed in her pockets while her knees were bent. She was essentially curled up in the seat. “Do you have questions?” I asked.

“Tons.” 

I nodded, my smile fading. I still didn’t know how much I was going to tell her, I was following my gut. She already knew too much, but if Alice’s visions were correct, she would have to know everything eventually. I could just…lead her in the right direction. “Let’s hear them,” I agreed, turning on my music to a low volume while I started towards finding her some food.

_Maybe a great magnet pulls  
All souls towards truth._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yes, me again, HI! Thank you as always for your views, comments, favorites, everything. The support means the world to me :0) Again, feel free to follow me on sitdownlookpale on tumblr and chat with me, I'm always up for it!
> 
> Song mentioned: Constant Craving by K.D Lang


	7. midnight black

"Is it overwhelming?" 

That was Bella's first question. I didn't need to clarify; I knew she had to mean the mindreading. Of all the questions she could have chosen, she wanted to know if hearing everyone's thoughts weighed down on me. How it felt. I had never been asked that before. "Sometimes," I admitted. With as much extra space my mind had, I had learned to tune out the unnecessary thoughts. "I'm very used to it. But yes, there are times when I can't ignore everyone, and I have to work to pick out the minds that are easiest to hear. My family, they are the loudest to me, the clearest." I glanced over to her with a small smile. "That is one reason why I enjoy your company. Even if it's slightly maddening to not hear your thoughts, it gives me some peace." I paused, turning my eyes back to the road and sighing. "My siblings find it ironic. I have to learn how to have normal conversation now." I rolled my eyes.

Her head tilted towards me, a small smile on her lips. "Is that difficult for you? Having to talk like the rest of us?" Bella's voice had a slightly teasing edge, but I didn't mind. I smirked back at her.

"Yes, yes, it's very hard for the mindreader to actually speak to people and ask questions and get clarification and have to work to get to know someone," I told her, the same playful tone reflected back to her. "Go ahead, rub it in." I stuck my tongue out at her and she laughed. 

Bella shook her head. "I'm sorry, sorry. It has to suck, I'll give you that. But it's what everyone else has to do," she pointed out. There was a pause before her next question, and the way her words slowed down, I imagined there was some caution to it. Like she wasn't quite sure if she would want the answer. "How long have you been able to do it?"

I hummed in response. I was done lying to her, I knew that. Small, half-truths. Keep up that infamous Cullen mystery. "Most of my life,” I finally replied. “Can't remember a time before having this ability." She nodded, accepting that as if I had just told her something so trivial, like the age I had learned to ride a bicycle. I almost wondered whether or not she was something from the supernatural, she was being so unreasonably calm. If I told her I drank blood to survive, she would most likely treat it as if I announced that I was a vegan. I already knew she was different, but this level of tolerance was concerning. 

"I wonder what's so different about me. You've never met someone you couldn't read?" she asked. She couldn't know how much she was taunting me, she wasn't malicious. But the thought that this girl was the first person in a hundred years who could protect her mind from me...Yes, it was irritating. I wish I could give her an answer, what gave her that special power over me. I suppose the words Rosalie had thought over and over might have been true: You don't know everything, Edythe. 

The brunette hadn’t critiqued my speeding, I chalked that up to the way her stomach was growling and assumed she was ready to eat as soon as possible. I’d have to pay closer attention to that, I couldn’t allow her needs to become that urgent. Within minutes, we were pulled into a 24-hour diner. When I faced her, she took my breath away. The street lights illuminated her face in a way that accentuated the angle of her cheekbone, the soft curve of her jaw, her full lips, a shiny hint of green in her dark eyes. “No. There hasn’t been anyone like you, Bella,” I told her softly, and as if on cue, a rush of pink rushed up to her cheeks. I smiled. “Time for dinner.” I gave a light tap to my steering wheel for a sort of punctuation before stepping out of my car. The diner was fairly empty, a few stragglers, but no one threatening. Bella gave me a skeptical look when we entered, and I looked down at her as we stood just at the doorway. "Yes?" I asked, seeing another question forming on her lips.

Another painfully long pause of hesitation as Bella took it upon herself to pick up some crayons from a basket, what I knew to be meant for the kiddie menus, and stuck them into the pocket of her jacket. I hadn't expected her to be a kleptomaniac. She looked back up at me with a lopsided, awkward smile. "You'd know if anyone else in here was going to try to kidnap us, right?" Did I detect one small hint of self-preservation? I was thoroughly shocked to my very core. I grinned widely, nodding. 

"Yes, Isabella. You're safe," I assured with a laugh, shaking my head. I took her to a booth, and the thieving of the crayons was soon explained. Once Bella sat in the booth, she set down the crayons and fished a notepad from her bag. A true artist, she began to scribble along a page as a waitress came to hand us the menus. Her mind was not the most comfortable to be in; the older woman was judging Bella, wondering why someone like her would be with someone like me. It wasn’t her fault, it was her instincts, I was naturally more appealing. But the slights to the light of my life made me more than a bit uncomfortable. All the same, I was charming and polite enough to make her thoughts go fuzzy, and she left us to look over the laminated, poorly designed menu. “What would you like?” I asked, forcing myself not to watch what Bella might have been drawing. I wanted to be surprised, if she chose to show me what would inevitably be a masterpiece.

Bella put down her crayons and picked up the menu, glancing over it. “Hmm. Chicken and waffles sounds alright,” she mused, giving the sheet one more scan before setting it to the side and looking up at me. “What about you?” 

I shook my head. “I’m not hungry, really. Had way too much to eat before I came.” Maybe I hadn’t had much to eat, but I was very full. I didn’t even want to force one bite of vile human food into my mouth.

“What’d you have?” she asked, eyes narrowing in a way that let me know this was an interrogation. She didn’t quite trust me, I could see that, even if she did care for me. Smart of her, but also so, so humorous. I was a giggling mess by the time the waitress got back, regaining my composure enough to give the waitress Bella’s order, along with two waters, before we were alone again. “I don’t get the joke,” she told me, holding her brown crayon in a tight grip. Was she getting frustrated with me?

A shrug of my shoulders. “No joke, really. Just my own thoughts. What does it matter what I ate, Bella?” I asked her. I didn’t want to lie. Dancing around questions could lead her to her own conclusions. “Do you think I’m lying?”

She stared into my eyes for a long few moments, even when we were brought our drinks. I raised my eyebrows, waiting for my answer. She only gave it to me after she looked to her paper again. “I think you have more to hide,” she admitted. “And I wish you wouldn’t. You can trust me, you know.” She peeked up at me through her eyelashes before avoiding my gaze, cheeks reddening.

Bella was right; I did know that I could trust her. There wasn’t one bad bone in her body. She didn’t gossip, she wasn’t one to spread rumors. Sure, she asked a lot of questions about others and their reputations, but that was quite tame compared to other high school girls. She had no motive to ruin my family’s life. She didn’t want to be popular, she didn’t want to hurt us. I was starting to believe that not even the fear of a family of monsters tearing her apart would be a motive for her to expose us. I had only known Bella for a short time, but she was the kindest, most selfless and genuine woman I’d ever known. She was the first person to want to be my friend out of something more than convenience, like my family. She wanted to show me art that she was interested in, despite the talks of me being “too good for anyone in this school,” “a smartass model,” or most commonly “a freak.” She wanted to get to know me even after learning just the first layers of my supernatural being. 

“Yes,” I breathed, my smirk fading. “I know I can trust you, Bella.” How could I explain just how complicated all of the secrets were? They weren’t just my own to tell. Not even my family’s. There was another world of my kind and we had rules. If I broke them, I would be risking her life. In turn, I would be risking my own. Because though my immortality had been so worthless to me before, even when I had so deeply considered cutting it off dozens of times in the past, Bella was giving me something to live for. Whether I had just a few more decades of her light in my life or not, I could not endanger the time she had. She deserved the best life. “If I could tell you everything myself, I would,” I spoke to her slowly, carefully. Trying to get it through to her that if she were to figure it out, then the rules would only be a little bent. Not shattered. “I can’t tell you the reasons why it can’t work out that way.” I sighed, leaning back against the vinyl seat.

I had been certain that this answer would frustrate her. After all, I was behaving in a way that warranted a lot of questioning, and I had even acknowledged this aloud, but I couldn’t give her proper answers. As stubborn as Isabella was, she nodded in some kind of understanding. She was too patient with me. “Can I get hints?” she asked. “Or…Or if I make guesses, could you tell me if I’m right or wrong?” Her lips closed when the waitress returned with her plate. 

“You sure I can’t get anything for you, darling?” the waitress asked me, and I politely declined. My focus never left Bella, I couldn’t make myself look away. She could make guesses, I might be able to give some subtle hints. That sounded like the happiest medium, the best compromise. “I feel like you may already have some guesses,” I told her. “Eat first, then I’ll listen to your hypotheses.” I gave her a wink before pulling my phone from my pocket. No follow-up texts from anyone, and no warnings from Alice, so I knew I was on a safe path. If there was any risk of something going horribly wrong, I trusted my sister to let me know. Changing the future was difficult, but if it only came down to a small decision, a properly timed warning could do the trick.

She ate quickly, I had distracted her from her humanity for too long. I looked out the large windows of the diner after hearing a clash of thunder, followed by a downpour of rain. I hoped my siblings were having fun at their late-night baseball game. Maybe even enough fun to where they wouldn’t interrogate me over my evening and just fill me in on who won, who cheated, all that. I let my eyes go back to Bella, feeling that magnetic pull to just watch her. “Did you enjoy the exhibit?” I asked. I had to ask, I had to know if I had ruined the experience for her. She had shown such interest in the Quileute legends, she had even done extra research with one of her friends from the reservation. I hoped I had not taken away from that.

Bella paused from devouring her waffle, nodding quickly. She took a long sip of water, then elaborated, “I did. It was really interesting, especially after hearing the stories Jake told me. I’ll have to remember to text him about it,” she mused, as if she was trying to remind herself.

Curiosity got the better of me. “Why didn’t you ask him to come with you?” I wasn’t ungrateful, not in the slightest. I was very happy Bella had chosen me. Maybe she had asked this Jake to come, and I was a second choice…I couldn’t complain, but the idea did make my heart squeeze. I had never known true jealousy before this girl.

I should have expected her to blush. I couldn’t find a pattern to it, what I did to her that brought on that reaction. Every time I made her cheeks turn that shade, my ego got the tiniest bit more swollen. To counter that, however, the selfishness of what I was doing to her shrunk it back down. “It, well, it didn’t really seem like his thing,” she stammered out. “He knows all that stuff already, I think? And you like art. You’re good at art, I figured you’d like it.” She smiled at me. “And I wanted to get to know you more. Did you enjoy it? Outside of the whole attacking a sex trafficker thing.”

“Now who says that wasn’t fun for me?” I crooned to her, a smirk growing on my lips. “I did enjoy it. I have a deep admiration for cultural art, and the different methods used from different people, in different times. The resources they had are much different than what we have now. All of our paints come in perfectly prepared tubes. No pigments have to be made, we don’t have to fashion our own brushes. The Quileute tribe shows a great dedication to portraying their story, and they have put an astounding amount of care into the art that would create their culture. I can respect that.” Their depictions of cold ones were something I could look beyond. Natural enemies, and all that. But art was art, no one could show bias for that. “Thank you very much, for inviting me. I apologize if I have frightened you at any point tonight. I can’t promise it won’t be the last time,” I added, more solemnly. I hadn’t even realized how much I had spoken. I wasn’t the chattiest, I’d never had to be, but Bella seemed almost impressed.

She smiled widely, and I noticed the adorable gap between one of her front teeth and her canines, as well as a thin line between her front bottom teeth. “I haven’t been frightened of you. I’ve had a great time,” she assured me. “I don’t think you’re as scary as you think you are. Whatever secrets you’re hiding, you’re still just Edythe. Not that Just Edythe isn’t a total badass, but I don’t think she would do anything for me to be scared of.” Her fork went back to her plate, and her free hand was scribbling with her crayons again.

The temptation to prove her wrong was strong. A small part of me wanted her to fear me, wanted her to see the danger I presented to her just by sitting across a booth from her. The majority, however, was happy to know that she felt at peace with me. Maybe it was a bit stupid of her, but everyone is a little stupid, right? Until very recently, I hadn’t been aware that I had my own fair share of stupidity. And look what that idiocy brought me. It brought me a moon, a sky full of stars. Refilled my lungs and jump started my heart. “You’re wrong,” I informed her, but my voice was soft. Not argumentative or hostile. “You…You really shouldn’t be friends with me, Bella. It’s a horrible, selfish thing I’m doing, being alone with you like this.” Her sweet smile fell, as did my heart. I hadn’t meant to offend or disappoint her, I just knew I had to give her that pathetic warning. She had wanted hints, after all.

“It isn’t selfish to want company,” she argued. “No matter what you are. Everyone deserves a friend. Hell, even mass murderers probably have a buddy or two.” Bella pointed her fork to me. “The emo thing is really cute, Edythe, but it hurts my heart when you say we shouldn’t be friends. Because like it or not, we already are in my book.” 

Well, that was certainly a lot to digest. Touching, first of all, that she believed my damned soul to be worthy of companionship. Even if she didn't know the full story...But the "emo thing"? She thought it was cute? Her heart ached at the idea of us not being friends? Bella surprised me with nearly every word of this statement, and I would spend the rest of the night dissecting all of it. "Thank you...?" My voice had a lilt that I hadn't heard before. I was unsure of myself, unsure of whether or not she was complimenting me or not. I had never known pure confusion before this girl. Lovesick fool, emphasis on the fool. Ah, well. She was reviving the dumb human that had been buried deep inside me. 

Now it was Bella's turn to laugh. "You're welcome," she assured me, confirming that it was indeed meant to be some sort of praise. Her plate was completely clean; she began to fish around in her purse for her wallet. As much as it pained me to allow her to pay, I knew she wouldn't let me buy her dinner. She was too independent and stubborn, which I could admire, but my chivalrous instincts were making my skin crawl. I had to reason with myself; if I let her pay for her own meal, I could justify doing something nice for her later without as much argument. That was worth it. She slid her notepad over to me and stood up. “I’ll be right back,” she said before going up to the counter to pay.

I looked down at the small, lined paper on the table in front of me, and the art that Bella had wanted to show me. She had left without seeing my reaction, was she embarrassed? Shy? She needn’t be, I liked what I saw. It was simple, but somehow Bella could make beauty from cheap crayons that were more wax than pigment. She had layered shades of brown and yellow to make a sea of a goldish topaz in a circle, with a black hole in the middle. Long, thick lines protruded in a frame around them. Eyes. My eyes. Even the bridge of my nose, the hairs of my brows. She had drawn one fragment of my face while sitting directly across from me. I’d had no idea I had been the subject. In her drawing, she added lines between my eyebrows, portraying confusion. Is that really what I looked like to her? I was chewing on my bottom lip, trying in vain to not just sit at the table alone with a big, goofy smile on my face.

When she returned, I could see the receipt tucked into her pocket, but she was holding a big, styrofoam cup. The smell was potent, rich chocolate. Maybe I had enjoyed chocolate as a human, I couldn’t know for certain. Part of me wished that I could remember, that I could find a way to relate and understand Bella more. But those memories were so far away, I only remember the version of myself that Carlisle saw in my last moments. I doubt that girl cared for chocolate in the state she was in. Bella held out the cup, and I raised an eyebrow. “For me?” I asked, and she nodded with a grin.

“Yes, for you. You can say you’re not hungry, whatever, just take it. Save it for later, if anything. Do you like chocolate?” I took the cup, glancing down at it and then back up to the sweet girl. How could I tell her I didn’t? But I couldn’t lie. This was getting more and more complicated, but if a milkshake was my biggest problem thus far, I must have been doing fairly well.

I shrugged my shoulders, smiling. “I haven’t had a milkshake in quite a long time.” That was something like an answer, right? She accepted it, either way. She put her notepad back into her bag; she must have just wanted to show me. I didn’t take pride in my immortal abilities often, but I was exceptionally glad that I had a photographic memory now. I could remember all the detail she had put in in such a brief time with such primitive tools. I stood as well, leading her back towards the door. Through the glass, the rain was pouring ferociously, the sky rumbling and crashing with strikes of lightning.

The poor girl flinched when the lightning clashed. I was foolish, I hadn’t even thought to bring an umbrella for the brief walk to my car. The rain didn’t bother me, I didn’t mind to get wet, but I didn’t want Bella to get so cold. She moved to open the door, and I shook my head. “Wait here,” I commanded, but my voice was gentle. I walked out to my car, more of a half-jog, and started it up. I put the heat on full blast, the milkshake going into the cup holder, and drove the Volvo around to the front door of the restaurant were Bella had miraculously stayed put. She must have hated the rain so much that she would actually listen to me. I got out to open the passenger side door for her, and her cheeks were so red. From the cold, perhaps, as she opened the front door to join me, but it seemed like she might have been embarrassed by my gesture. I couldn’t bring myself to care; I didn’t want her cold, wet, or potentially ill, so I would take all of the precautions I could. She got into the car without getting too soaked, and I stepped back in with my beanie stuck to my head and my hair plastered to my cheeks. My clothes were drenched, even my eyelashes were dripping, but it was nothing to me. Not like I could get the flu again.

“Thank you,” she murmured. I took off my hat, tossing it in the back seat and combing my fingers through my hair in front of the heater to get it a little drier. “You don’t mind the rain, I guess.” She chuckled.

I shook my head with a smirk, reaching to turn on the knob on my stereo to return to our background music. “I enjoy it.” I didn’t hate the weather in the places I had lived. I didn’t mind cold, dark, dreary. At least I could go out in the daytime. “It’s soothing to me. Though I can understand from your perspective, it might be a nightmare.” I hummed. Maybe she would grow accustomed to Forks. I certainly didn’t want her to go back to Arizona. Or worse, Florida. I pulled out of the lot, forcing myself to go slow. She was uncomfortable in this sort of weather, I knew that my speeding would not settle her at all. “Now. I’d like to hear your theories about me, Miss Bella.”

Bella had her jacket hugged tightly around her, her hands were cupped around one of the heating vents. “Erm…Well, you’re super strong,” she began, speaking with care, like she was choosing how she said every word. “And you can read minds. Your eyes change color, you have a tendency to dazzle and charm people. Sounds like some sort of superhero to me. Or witch.” She laughed, shaking her head. I’m glad she could see some absurdity, even if the guesses weren’t the most farfetched.

“Unfortunately, both are incorrect.” A superhero would be preferable to what I was, and a witch would be infinitely more fun. She was giving me too much credit again. The car was silent, save for my playlist, as I pondered over how to gently nudge her into the right direction. “You are thinking of me as one of the good guys,” I began. “If you are going to try and figure this out, consider all the possibilities. Don’t overestimate me. Even if you think highly of me, which is very kind, I could still be a bad…thing.”

She shook her head, taking her eyes away from the pouring rain to look at me. Those wide, sincere eyes. They would be the death of me. “You aren’t a bad thing, I know that much,” she told me firmly. “I’ll sleep on it and get back to you on Monday.” 

 

Monday. We would see each other again after one miserable day apart. We would be back in school, and people would know we were friends, and we might even have lunch together. Perhaps I was being melodramatic, but it felt as if Monday would be like a whole new world from what Friday had been. “I look forward to it,” I replied earnestly. The rain fell in harsh, brutal sheets, and when I pulled into her driveway, Bella seemed both relieved and filled with dread. She still didn’t have an umbrella, and there was a short walk to her door. “Is there an umbrella in your house?” I asked.

Bella gave me a puzzled look. “Yeah, I think so. Bit late for that, isn’t it?” She laughed, then sighed. “I’ll just have to make a break for it.” 

“Where would one be?” I asked. 

Her gaze lingered on me as she thought it over. “Uh, there’s a coat closet near the front door, Charlie probably has one in-”

I was already in said coat closet by the time her statement was finished. She already noticed that I was fast, I could show her just how fast I was. In the closet, there was indeed an old, worn umbrella. In seconds I was standing outside of her door, holding it open above my head. I tapped on her window, and her jaw dropped. Admittedly, I was rather smug about this reaction. Esme was right, I could be quite the show-off. She opened up the door, looking as if she was almost upset with me. 

“Charlie could have been home!” she scolded me. 

That got me thinking. Could I hear her father’s thoughts? I couldn’t hear any at the moment, except a neighbor musing over her son’s grades. “If he were home, which he definitely is not, I would have smelled him. Heard him. Even if I couldn’t hear his thoughts. Hopefully I’ll be able to experiment with that sometime soon.” I was somewhat sheepish about this, almost inviting myself to be with her again. But I could feel her intrigue and she had expressed how she enjoyed time with me, it couldn’t have been too far off. I walked her to the door, then handed off the umbrella. 

She didn't make any rush to go outside, standing outside the front door and looked up at me. Bella was shorter, and now that she was holding the umbrella, I did have to slouch myself the slightest bit. “Thanks for tonight,” she told me, and I shook my head. she didn't have to thank me for anything. She glanced around, clearly not knowing how to say goodbye.

“Don't mention it. Have a good night, Bella.” As difficult as it was, I could say the goodbyes for her. I couldn't stay here forever, and it was too cold for her to stay out with me. She gave me a smile and a nod before retreating inside, and I back on the road in moments. 

Bella was going to spend the rest of her weekend elaborating on her theories, I was certain of it. I should have been worried, but I wasn't. If she figured it out, learned the truth, I was confident that she would never use it against us. I would hold nothing against her if she decided that that wasn't what she wanted to associate with. Either way, just forgetting about Bella Swan wasn't an option. I knew that for the rest of her days, I would be protecting her, ensuring that she was happy and safe, even if that wouldn't be with me in the picture. I valued her, she gave me hope. She was my new muse; I wanted to paint her, write poems for her, compose music for her. Not only was she the new sun in my eternal night, she was my best friend. 

I could hear my family’s reactions when I came home, soaking wet and smiling uncontrollably. Esme was thrilled, Carlisle was proud. Alice was working hard to contain her bubbly excitement. Even Jasper was affected, the mood in the house was so light. When I met eyes with Emmett, though, I could tell he was pumped, but not so much about my relationship with Bella. He had a different train of thought. Of course Alice had let the family in on my plan.

_So are we gonna kill some shitheads tonight?_

I knew Carlisle wouldn't necessarily approve of my decision of murder, but it felt necessary. I could hear that Rosalie was on my side, Jasper, too. Alice and her partner were too new, they didn't want to risk anything. Me, Emmett, and Rose, though...We could take down a ring of sex traffickers easily. 

“Let's do it,” I responded simply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: First of all, SO SORRY for the delay and thank you as always for being patient, following, liking, commenting, all of it. I have been pushing through my block and honestly I’ve been worrying about if my ideas will disappoint anyone but I am proud of this and I hope you all are still enjoying! Feedback always appreciated :0) love you all
> 
> P.S, I am writing this story on my new tablet and there might be errors! If you spot any, please feel free to let me know and please forgive me :P


	8. bright red

Rosalie, Emmett, and I didn't go on "road trips" often. We considered running directly to the warehouse I was going to be led to, but we knew there would be victims. And those victims would also be witnesses. I removed the milkshake Bella had given me from the Volvo, and transferred it to Jasper's unused pickup truck, quite similar to Bella's. This got a strange look from my siblings as Rosalie sat in the passenger's seat and Emmett stood in the bed of the truck.

"I sort of want to try it," I explained myself, feeling quite idiotic for even thinking it. Bella had given it to me, I had to give it a chance. I couldn't remember ever trying chocolate, and odds are, it would be absolutely vile. But I had to try for her. 

_You're going to hate it,_ Rosalie thought smugly. Most likely. I unwrapped the straw and stuck it through the lid, sipping the thick, cold liquid as I started to drive. Yes, she was right. It wasn't good. Well, it wasn't bad, but it clearly wasn't something I was meant to be drinking. The texture was wrong, and the temperature was disgusting, but there was some undertone of sweetness that I might have been able to appreciate. "Did you like chocolate?" I asked my passengers. I wanted to see if they could remember, if I could see and feel the taste through human eyes. It was as close as I could get.

I knew Rosalie remembered her human life best. She worked hard to keep her story somewhat fresh in her mind. She remembered chocolate as a luxury. Emmett was more fuzzy, now that he wasn't keeping tabs on the family he'd left behind anymore. But he remembered hot chocolate, in the cold winters of the Appalachian Mountains.

So chocolate was a good thing, and Bella liked it. I'd have to keep that in mind if I ever wanted to spoil her. Which I knew I would want to do quite often, even if the poor girl didn't want to accept it.

We were fairly quiet on the way to the warehouse, and once arriving, we made quick work of our targets. The man I had encountered at the museum had been my first attack, he had recognized my eyes. My siblings and I sent the rest of the criminals to hell without one bit of bloodshed, our consciences were clear. For a moment, we almost felt like heroes. Emmett called the police while Rosalie comforted some young girls who were frightened, and far from home. While they made these noble contributions, I was too busy regurgitating the chocolate mush on a pedophile's corpse. 

Once I could hear the young women starting to think about us, working on memorizing our traits, I knew we had to go. The police were on their way, we could hear the sirens getting closer and the thoughts of the officers began to slip into my mind. This was going to be taken care of, those girls were going to go home, and I wouldn't have to feel the guilt. Murder might have been a sin, but surely whatever Higher Power there was would understand the situation. Not like I didn't have a one way ticket to hell anyway. 

Rosalie sat with Emmett in the bed of the truck on the way back. It felt like they had their own language, they didn't have to murmur to one another, but there was such a profound understanding between them. As if they could read each other. I had envied the relationships in my family before, but now that I had Bella as a potential...something, that envy only grew stronger. 

Emmett pulled me out of my thoughts. "How'd your date go, sis?" he asked. It hadn't taken him long to think of me as his "little" sister, Emmett was such a family man in his first and second life. He accepted all of us to fill the void left behind with his transformation. 

Normally, I might have told him to mind his own business. Kept my thoughts to myself, as I often did. I unfairly kept my privacy as much as I could. But now, I felt the urge to talk. Perhaps even to gush. I could hear Rosalie's thoughts drift away, clearly not wanting any part of this exchange, and another motivation came up. I would talk about Bella so that Rosalie could see my sincerity, no matter how hard she would try to not hear me.

"It wasn't a date," I began, though I couldn't be so sure. "But I believe it went well. I had a nice night." There was one thing I couldn't stop wondering over. Well, many things, but one in particular. "Do I have... emo tendencies?" I asked. I remembered "emo" being a phase, some sort of trend in fashion in music, but I had never cared to research the traits of someone in that group.

Shockingly, I got a snort from Rosalie. They didn't need to vocalize their responses to me, but the laughter was enough in itself. Their memories of me in different decades began to replay, and I was forced to see myself the way they saw me. I could admit that it was slightly humiliating...Alright, very humiliating. 

Rosalie was reminiscing on how I had presented myself in 1989. My coppery hair contrasting with my all black clothing, smudgy eyeliner around my golden eyes, keeping a cassette of The Cure's Disintegration in my car. She thought over how I kept a diary more closely back then, I would even write poetry on top of my painting, and music...Maybe I had always been a little mopier. Emotional, but repressed. "Fair point," I murmured.

Emmett was painfully reflecting on his early days in this life, with our family. 1935. I remembered more clearly than he did, I had heard his thoughts throughout his entire transformation. He thought I talked "funny." He had thought of me as a child, but he had quickly began to regard me as the smartest girl he'd ever met. Neither of us had told Rosalie this, but I had felt such pride in that. We had grown close very quickly, roughhousing even when he was at his strongest. I had taken the time to tell him everything about this life while Rosalie struggled with her own moral dilemma. He definitely regarded me as emotional, dark and brooding in the way I discussed our condition, the Volturi, the absence of our souls. Emmett thought that I hadn't focused enough on the good things. Ever the optimist; I couldn't find many advantages to what we were. 

They were both right. I didn't feel any need to defend this trait that Bella had given me that I had apparently displayed all along. It was nice to know, even if I felt sheepish that I hadn't seen or heard these observations in the past century. "Huh," I responded simply. 

"Why do you ask?" Emmett asked, finally regaining his composure. 

More embarrassment incoming: How could I tell them that Bella had stated that "the emo thing is really cute"? My brother would never let me live it down, and we would be living for the rest of eternity, so the stakes were high. I was forcing myself to be more open, to talk more, to let my family see more of me. Bella seemed to like who I was, even if she couldn't know what I was just yet. "Bella might have mentioned it," I replied, my words careful, more calculated. "She...I had suggested that she and I not be friends-"

 _Right about that one,_ Rosalie's thoughts caused me to pause.

I sighed. "I agree, but Bella does not. She believes everyone deserves friends. I suppose my thinking otherwise led her to see me as more...emo, so she puts it." I chuckled. It sounded so funny, applying a modern word to my antique persona. But the concept had been around for much longer than Hot Topic's branding. 

The idea of Bella being so accepting was a strange one. I knew it, and I could hear the confusion in my sibling's thoughts. A human that wanted to be friends with a monster. One that wanted to be my friend. I wasn't considered the weirdest of the Cullens, I knew the opinions of the general public, but I was by far the most antisocial. My interest in Bella was just as shocking as her interest in me. Emmett was feeling more care for Bella now, not that he was so adamantly against her existence to begin with, but he wanted me to have a friend. Though everyone in my family knew Alice's vision; friendship wasn't what she saw. Rosalie just felt more defeated. It would be harder for her to argue her side if the rest of our family began to grow attached, if they started to appreciate and treasure Bella's future in their lives as well. 

_You have feelings for her, right?_ Emmett didn't dare ask the question out loud. And I didn't want to answer, not around Rose, even if she was aware of these visions. I did have feelings for Bella that might have been interpreted as...romantic. I had never felt anything similar to what I felt for her; forbidden fruit. Desire, temptation, intense intrigue. Unlike Eve, however, I had a fear of condemnation. I was far from any chance at heaven, but maybe I could find my way to some sort of Eden. That would come with a price, as all happy endings did. If I had my Eden, and even if Bella joined me and enjoyed it, I would be ruining any chance she had at the perfect afterlife.

Strange thoughts from someone who didn't even know what religion was true, if any, but the concepts were the perfect tools in my metaphors. To put it simply, more agnostically, I did not want Bella to sacrifice anything for me. There were a million better, happier endings she could have. But Alice saw her choosing the ending where she loses her soul for me. That was one hell of price. My brother was watching for any response, and I just slightly tilted my chin down, then back up. Yes. I had plenty of feelings for Bella Swan. Feelings I had only read about, heard about in music, witnessed in the duos in my family. None of them had made any sense before. 

Emmett's thoughts felt warm. Cozy, but with an edge of protectiveness to them. He was happy for me, but he was afraid that I would get hurt. He was the ideal big brother. _You need to show her, then! Flowers, chocolate, the works._ His ideas made me smirk. He thought I should properly woo Bella. I didn't even know where to begin; that was low on my priority list. They didn't know what Bella knew, what the sweet girl was trying to figure out. She knew I wasn't human. Would she want a non-human to court her? I didn't want to overwhelm her. I didn't want to make a fool of myself...More than I likely already had. If I scared her off, however, that might have been better for all of us. "I'll consider it," I murmured. Rosalie didn't display any urge to know what I was responding to. 

If I was going to do this, I was going to do it properly. I would not allow myself to frighten Bella, or pressure her in any way, but someday soon, I would let her know my feelings. It would be simpler once she could work out my secret. One revelation at a time. 

***

The rest of my Sunday was uneventful, for the most part. Alice had gone on a hunt in Canada with Jasper, and I was grateful to not be bombarded with visions of what theories Bella would present to me tomorrow. I felt some worry over the idea, but I liked going into interactions with the girl more blindly. It felt more genuine; I didn't have the pressure of predicted futures. All I needed to know was that I wouldn't tear out her jugular, and that possibility got slimmer every day. I spent most of the day at the piano, much to my mother's satisfaction. I was thoroughly inspired for the first time in years. After living so long, finding an experience to evoke such emotion and creativity was rare. I had to milk this passion and intensity to produce as much art as I had in me. Art that Bella had ignited in me.

I only looked up from the ivory keys when my phone began to vibrate in my bedroom. The sky was suddenly darker than it had been when I had begun. It was twilight. Tucked into the jacket I had discarded hours ago, my phone was lit, and the name of the contact displayed made me grin. 

"Bella," I said the moment I tapped the screen. It wasn't much of a greeting, and it must have been funny, based on the way the girl on the other end laughed.

"Hey, Edythe," she replied. I could hear an edge to her voice, something sounded wrong. "I, uh, need to ask you for a favor. Feel free to say no, I completely get it if it's out of your way or anything-"

I cut her off immediately. "What do you need?" I'd do anything. Well...almost anything. "If this is about giving you hints, I can't do that." I smirked. "But anything else, shoot."

Another gorgeous giggle. "Good thought, but I don't want any hints. I'm feeling pretty good about my theories." I didn't hear smugness from Bella often, but there was an air of confidence to her tone that was so incredibly endearing. "I actually just need a ride. Something in my truck broke, Jake and his dad had to take it back to the reservation to work on it. And honestly, I don't wanna be dropped off in my dad's cop car."

Of course, any reasonable teenage girl would prefer a ride from a friend than from the police chief. All the same, I felt flattered. Honored to be able to help Bella in this way. "Absolutely," I told her, sitting on the small chaise in my room and looking out at the clouds. "I'll pick you up around seven. Trust me, we'll get there on time and it won't be out of my way at all." 

She seemed to be quite aware that I was going to be "speeding," by her standards, but she didn't fight against me. Just a worried sigh, but at least there was some trust there. I could handle myself, I could drive a car, I'd never let her get in any sort of accident. "Okay, alright. Seriously, though, if you can't read my dad's mind," her voice lowered, "He will not hesitate to give you a ticket if he sees the way you drive." I could hear the smile in her next words, "Sounds like it'd do wonders for your ego." 

Bella was right about that. If I couldn’t hear her father, and I finally would be caught unaware, my pride would be shattered. That idea entertained her. I wondered how tickled she would be if she knew how her very existence had somehow made me even more insecure, turned my whole world upside down and shaken it up like a snowglobe. I wasn’t angry at the effect she had had on me, I felt as if I was truly living for the first time in ninety-odd years. “I’d be able to charm my way out of it,” I replied, keeping up this comfortable façade of something that could be described as soft arrogance.

“Oh, I know you would. One of your superpowers.” Now Bella and I were both giggling, and the thoughts of my family began to shift their focus.

 _She sounds so happy,_ Esme. I could hear Carlisle whisper his thoughts into his wife’s ear downstairs, _“She isn’t alone anymore, May.”_

Jasper was basking in the mood I was putting off, like a cat laying in the sunlight. Alice was…Well. Alice could have been bouncing off of the walls with her excitement, her plans for the fun she and Bella would have once they could realistically be “best friends.”

I laid back on the cushions. I’d never found a point in sitting, laying, relaxing. It all felt the same to me. But talking to Bella gave me more fluidity, I didn’t want to just stand in a corner and read, or stare, or meditate. “Does it work on you?” The words slipped out of my mouth before I could rein them back in. More fluidity seemed to equate to more stupidity, the curiosity made itself known before I could shove it away.

There was a silence on the line, and I knew I was probably pushing a boundary. It wasn’t a very friendly question, was it? But Bella did eventually reply, and the smile was still there. “Sometimes. Do you want it to?”

What was happening? Were we flirting? How had I missed that, how had the innocent request of a ride turned into this? Was I blowing it out of proportion? Maybe Bella was just playing, having fun, teasing me. And I, the eternally helpless weirdo that I was, I couldn’t tell any different. “Sometimes,” I repeated back to her. I was being serious, but the smirk was still there.

“Why only sometimes?” Oh. So she wanted more charm. More ‘dazzling,’ as she called it. Okay. That was an interesting development. As for answering this inquiry, I didn’t know if that was in either of our best interests right now. I couldn’t talk to her all night, she needed to sleep. And I needed to hunt.

In lieu of an actual answer, I decided to play coy. Make her wait for the confession of my feelings, of my intense internal conflict over if what I felt was ethically acceptable, or horribly wrong and sinful. “I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.” I combed my fingers back through my hair. “But I’m afraid I’ll have to cut this conversation short. Have a good night, Bella.”

The poor girl, she almost sounded disappointed. “Okay. I’ll see you in the morning,” Bella sighed. “You have a good night, too, E.” She didn’t hang up right away. We sat there, listening and waiting to the other for a few seconds that felt somehow like an eternity. Time had felt so slow before Bella. I was the one who ultimately pulled the trigger, tapping the button on my screen and tossing my phone onto a pillow.

***

That evening, I went hunting with Carlisle. He didn’t pry, his thoughts were so well controlled. He was a listener, a helper, he didn’t want to push for information or tease me. He knew me as such a quiet girl, even before my transformation, but on this trip I was talking a mile a minute. I had to spill to someone, while we were far enough away to not be heard. I told my father everything; the feelings I had for Bella, the theories she’d had, how I felt about myself and for the future that would most likely involve her. I told him my fears, my doubts. After our hunt, I had managed to get everything out. I was full, heavy with blood, but emotionally, I was as light as a feather. I had never had so much to unload before, and Carlisle was the perfect person to share the weight with.

 _It warms my soul to know that you have found someone that brings you these feelings, Edythe._ His thoughts spoke to me as he stood against a tree. _I have not been able to find a way to explain to you what human feelings of affection are like, I knew you would have to find out for yourself. With all human feelings, they grow more intense for those of our kind. You care for Bella, and she shows evidence that she cares for you as well. I understand what a challenge it must be to not be sure, but do not be worried. I did not know how Esme would feel for me. Rosalie couldn’t know what Emmett would feel for her. Uncertainty is natural. Do not let that anxiety overwhelm you._ My father stepped closer, patting my shoulder and smiling as he spoke his thoughts aloud, “You deserve happiness, dear Edythe. I can see that she is giving you what you deserve. Do not underestimate yourself, do not push her away. Be as kind to yourself as you want to be for her.” He smoothed down my hair, and I nodded. I didn’t know if I could believe his words completely, and I knew he had emphasized his soul to reflect on the arguments I’d had with him so often in the past. But I wanted to believe him.

“I’ll try,” I said softly.

_I know you will. I am proud of you._

Carlisle always knew how to make me feel like I did indeed have a heart, he could make me feel like it was aching. He was the first one I could remember loving me, the first person I knew how to trust in this new life. I’m sure I had a good family in Chicago, but I couldn’t imagine anything being better than what I had now. I might’ve been damned, but that had always been my one blessing.

When we returned to the house, I took a break from my piano and moved to a canvas. I had to try to mix together that perfect shade of pink, the pale rosiness of Bella’s cheeks that I could conjure up in my mind. I could still swear that it was prettier in person, my photographic memory couldn’t do it justice. I learned that acrylics couldn’t mix in such a way, either, but I continued to paint through the night. Perhaps Esme would want another addition to her endless gallery of my creations. I waited for the sunrise, eager to be able to pick Bella up. As I painted, I sang along to the music playing quietly through my stereo.

_Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again.  
Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: sorry i end every chapter with song lyrics lol i like the vibes and i like having a sorta playlist of edie's songs so if you are annoyed by that......i understand. (and i promise, real romance is coming. i'm sorry to make the burn so so slow!)
> 
> song mentioned: love song by the cure
> 
> announcements regarding this fic! there will be 10 chapters total, and i am 95% positive it'll be finished by the end of the month! i am so thankful for the love this fic has gotten, and i hope to put out more work in 2019. thanks to the followers, favorite-ers, and reviewers for makin my day time and time again :0) follow me @sitdownlookpale on tumblr while it's still kickin, let's talk about these silly gal pals


	9. indian yellow

I was parked in Bella's driveway at 6:50, earlier than I had promised, but I had been too eager. Shooting off a text of my arrival, I just sat and listened to her father's mind. Yes, I was able to hear it. It wasn't as clear as I had wanted it to be, but it was there. A nice change. Charlie Swan had a simple, calm head to inhabit. He worried for his daughter, especially after hearing the news of a trafficking ring in Seattle. Knowing I was here, and that Bella had a friend, that was comforting to him. Evidently Bella hadn't made an effort to have relationships outside of school, other than Jacob, so I was another stepping stone in Bella's adjustment to Forks. A feeling almost like guilt clenched in my stomach. I wasn't good for his daughter's adjustment, I wouldn't help her be a normal teenager.

What Charlie didn't know wouldn't hurt him. 

Bella soon emerged through the front door, taking careful steps on the wet sidewalk and slipped into my passenger's seat. She was holding a thermos for dear life, it must have been warming her hands. I could smell the drink from here, black coffee. I wrinkled up my nose. The scent was off-putting, though it certainly didn't detract from the overwhelming temptation that her blood brought. The day apart had made me even more sensitive to it. I shook the thoughts away, putting my full attention to her face, her words, her voice. Not the blood. Mind over matter.

"You surprise me every day," I said, rather than a typical greeting. I wouldn't have thought a girl as sweet as Bella would be drinking something so bitter. Then again, she was also rather tough. "I could never drink that stuff."

She laughed, shaking her head as she shoved her backpack to the floorboard and let her boots rest on top of it. "No? It's not great, but it wakes me up." Bella shrugged. "Let me guess, you're one of those that likes sugary, whipped cream covered lattes...No, wait! You're absolutely a tea girl, aren't you?"

It was my turn to chuckle now. "Wrong on both accounts." Bella couldn't miss that that was a hint, could she? 

She did. Clever girl. "Did you like the milkshake?" She was tiptoeing, she was testing me. Had the milkshake been a gesture, or a trap? No, Bella would never give me something with any malice. She was trying to figure it out. She was Sherlock Holmes, and I was her greatest case. I had to be honest, I had to give her her evidence and give her the chance to follow the right path. Even if it was also simultaneously the wrong path.

"I did try it," I told her. "It...wasn't quite for me. But I do appreciate the gesture."

Her eyebrows shot halfway up her forehead. "You'd never had a milkshake before?" This was the most preposterous thing I'd said to her, evidently. She was more shocked and offended by my lack of experience with food than by how I could read the thoughts of everyone around her. I would never understand this girl. 

To answer her question, I had to think back on my knowledge of the history of milkshakes. Didn't think I'd ever have to pull that information out of my endless library of knowledge, but if I was giving her the complete truth, I needed to remember if it was even possible for me to enjoy a milkshake as a human. The history of milkshakes begins in 1885, and by 1900, they were growing in popularity. It was a possibility a spoiled little girl like me could have gotten a milkshake in Chicago, after a piano lesson, or as some form of affection from my otherwise distant father. I wish I knew what flavor I would have liked best. I glanced to Bella. "If I had had one before, I can't remember it."

She shook her head, deep chocolate curls bouncing. Chocolate must have been my favorite. I was so drawn to her hair, her eyes. Even the pale brown of the sweater she had on. "Is that something I should take as a hint?" she asked after a brief period of consideration. I smirked, nodding. Yes, that was a clue to add to her sea of evidence to sift through. "Right." She nodded, looking out of the front windshield rather than looking towards me. She didn't want to face me while she put her theories out in the open. "Can I start making guesses?"

Ah, so now was the time. Moment of truth. I nodded, my fingers clenching a little tighter on the wheel. "I'm all ears," I replied, making an effort to keep my voice soft, smooth, calm. Even if in truth, I was a bundle of nerves. _Do not let that anxiety overwhelm you,_ Carlisle's voice rang out in my mind. I could handle this. I would be fine, everything would be fine.

"Don't take offense to this," Bella began her first guess, "But I just figured it had to be some tiny possibility, with the way you talk about yourself being not good, and not the hero. So I tried to go in a different direction." She was chewing on the inside of her cheek, I could hear the teeth on the slick skin. "Demon?"

 _demon- (noun) an evil spirit or devil, especially one thought to possess a person or act as a tormentor in hell._ I had to give it to her, it wasn't the worst guess. I could read people's minds, one could see that as a form of possession. I was possessing without consent, without the knowledge of my 'victims.' I could definitely torment, and it could be argued that I was a creature from hell that would return to hell upon my destruction. "Not offended, actually," I assured her, and I could see her shoulders slump in relief. Perhaps also disappointed. "It isn't a bad guess, Bella. But no, I'm not a demon." Would she stay with me if I was? I kept that thought inside. "Next?"

"Vila?" She struggled with the pronunciation; a foreign word for her. Vila, from Slavic mythology. She had really done some deep digging, it would appear. How could I not feel flattered? She was inflating my ego, having me imagine her at a computer all night to figure out what I was. 

Vilas were described as beautiful women, with long, flowing hair. Check and check for me. They were immortal, but could choose when they wanted to be born again. Close enough. Seductive, and occasionally murderous. "I am honored," I laughed. "But wrong again." 

Our drive was coming to a close as I pulled into my usual parking spot. My siblings had already parked and gone inside; most students were making the walk up into the brick building. But not us. It felt like nothing existed outside of this silver Volvo, only me, Bella, and her possibly endless amount of ideas. "One more, and then we need to get to class," I sighed. The thought of having to be apart from her until lunch was more painful than it should have been, but I couldn't let her get in trouble for my sake. 

Poor Bella looked pouty now. This girl had a spark, however, and she would not quit until she met her goal. I could see that, and I took pride in that for her. "One more," she agreed, glancing out the window to see her small group of friends by Tyler's van. She looked back to me. "You know what I've noticed before. The cold skin, the changing eyes. But there's more than that. You don't eat anything, not that I've seen. You're extremely strong, fast. I'd probably guess that you're indestructible. So...So you live off of something, you don't have some kind of eating disorder." She was as aware of that rumor as I was; no doubt it had come from Jessica. "How old are you?"

She knew. The pieces were coming together, she just needed the extra material. "Seventeen," I replied, my eyes meeting hers.

Bella nodded slowly. "How long have you been seventeen?" 

I tried to force a smile, but now it looked more like a pained grimace than a grin. Had to be honest. Half-truths weren't going to cut it for Bella. "Ninety years, give or take a few," I sighed, and I could hear her breath hitch. Her heart pounded more fiercely, like she had just gone for a brisk run. I didn't look away, I had to take all of this in. This was a moment where both mine and Bella's life changed, weaved together. I let her sit with this new information, though I could tell we were running out of time. "Bella," I finally whispered, "Mr. Banner is on bus duty, he sees us. He's about to come tell us to get to class." The blood had drained from her face. Had I finally frightened her? "If you need me to get you an excuse to go home, I can absolutely do that. I can give you a ride, too. And if all this is too much-"

"No," she interrupted me, holding up a hand. "No, it's fine, it's just...Shocking. But it's okay, Edythe, don't worry." Bella smiled, though her eyes were wide. Of course, I had given her plenty to be shocked over. "So...That adds to this theory. You live forever." She gulped, I could almost hear her mind reeling from that information. When she said the word, it was like she was sighing. "Vampire." It wasn't a question. It was a realization, that she was finally right. She had figured it out. A harsh knock on my window, the teacher's thoughts loud and clear. I had muffled them, giving Bella my complete focus, but now it was unavoidable.

 _These Cullen kids think they can get away with anything..._ When I looked over at him, I could hear his tune change. He _knew_ I could get away with anything. But I wasn't going to resist. I rolled down my window, smiling in that 'dazzling' way. "Good morning, Mr. Banner," I greeted cheerfully, as if I wasn't internally screaming at the fact that Bella now knew the truth. "I apologize, Bella and I lost track of the time. We're heading to class right now, promise." I reached back to grab my backpack from the seat, and the man just nodded dumbly before leaving us alone once more. I turned to face Bella, my smile fading. "I'm afraid we'll have to discuss this further at lunch."

The two of us got out of my car, and I already decided I was going to walk her to her first class of the day. "So I'm right," Bella stated, her voice lower as we stepped through the mostly empty halls. 

I nodded, hands shoved into my pockets. "You are. Congratulations." I smirked, shaking my head. It was shameful to be happy about this. Even with all my anxieties, I was _glad_ that she knew. I could be free. "I must ask something of you, Isabella," I said before stopping by her locker. We were running just a little late, but I could not risk anything. "My family and I have built a good life here. We can manage to stay for a few more years if nothing gets out. If...If for any reason you do not want to associate with me, I will understand, but you cannot tell our secret. It could bring danger to you and your family, as well as mine." I hated to be stern with her, she had given me no reason to think she would tell. I just had to get it out there, otherwise a member of my family might make it clear to her. Better to come from me.

"I would never tell anyone," she replied quickly. She looked as if I might have offended her, which I could understand. She trusted me, I should have trusted her enough to not even say it. She didn't know how harsh Rosalie could have been if I hadn't made that clear to her. "It doesn't change a thing." She shut her locker, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She didn't want to go to class, that much was evident. Who would want to listen to a lecture on American History when a whole new world of the supernatural just opened itself to you? I could understand.

She said it didn't change a thing, and that was going to weigh on me for the next few hours. All of this would. I would have to put on a good show today, even for Bella. I didn't want her to know the ruckus going on in my mind. "I'll see you at lunch, Bella. Try to pay attention." Fat chance of that for either of us. She gave me a nod, and we went our separate ways. It was pure agony to go to Biology and know that she was thinking of me, _but I couldn't fucking hear it._

More than ever before, I wanted to be able to hear Bella's thoughts. I wanted to soothe any fear she had, though she was likely too brave and hard-headed to see the danger. I wanted to answer every question she had, I wanted to show her what she was inevitably curious to see. Patience was my least favorite virtue. _It doesn't change a thing._ How could it not change everything? She knew I was going to live forever; did that not bother her? I would outlive her. I would outlive everyone in this school by a century, provided someone didn't rip me apart and burn the pieces. It was unnatural, and she had taken it so well. At least as far as I could see. How very irritating, to not be aware of whether or not she was putting on a front for me. I idly began to fill out the worksheet, and I began to tune into the thoughts of my sister. Alice, she had History with Bella. I could almost be close to her this way.

_She knows! Oh, she definitely knows now. Does she know about me? Edythe would kill me if I tried to- Are you listening, Edie?_

I rolled my eyes, shooting off a text from under the lab table to confirm that yes, I was listening, and yes, I would kill her if she tried to start talking to Bella about all this before I did. Perhaps I was being greedy with her. Alice loved Bella already, and eventually she would her chance to become her best friend, but right now I didn't have it in me to share.

_She's nervous. Not scared, though, I can tell that. Brave girl. Going to have to get her to stop biting those nails, though. And that sweater, ugh. I've got so much work to do!_

I tuned out of my sister's makeover fantasies. As much as I wanted to know how Bella was, seeing her through Alice's lens didn't help like I'd thought it would. I would just have to bide my time. I'd know if Bella was going to leave school, or if she would choose to not sit with me, or if anything would go awry. I had to focus my attention elsewhere, taking the time to translate the biology worksheets to Mandarin, and then attempting to imagine it as ancient cuneiform writing. It was a good enough way to make it until lunch. 

***

My self-induced brainteasers were mostly complete, I had worked in my mind through Trigonometry and Lit. The bell never excited me as much as it did on this day, even if it also sent butterflies in my non-digesting stomach. I was in the cafeteria before anyone else, loading up a tray and spending the extra change to get another slice of pizza, a chocolate milk, and an apple. Disgusting to me, but Bella needed to eat. All she'd had for breakfast was a cup of coffee; that would not sit well with me.

I settled myself at a table that often remained empty, not too far from my family's usual seating, and shot a text to Bella to tell her to not worry about getting her own tray. To other students, it might appear that we were sharing, and it was fairly well-known that my siblings and I didn't eat much. Not anything too out of the ordinary, besides Edythe Cullen sitting beside someone that wasn't Rose.

Which, evidently, was monumental. Bella made a bee-line for me, and the thoughts immediately got louder, almost like they were being shouted at me. 

_She's friends with a_ Cullen _now?_ Mike Newton, my least favorite of Bella's little group.

 _Oh, she must think she's so too good for us now that Edythe will give her the time of day._ Jessica.

 _That's so hot._ Tyler. I tried my best to shut out his mental imagery, and moved my focus to the brunette across from me.

"Eat," I commanded softly, sliding my overflowing tray more towards her. "You didn't have enough breakfast, I could hear your stomach rumbling across campus." Not true, but the blush on her face was worth the teasing. I laughed, shaking my head. "Joking, Bella." 

Bella wasn't as tense as I expected her to be. She rolled her eyes and smiled as she picked up the square slice of pizza. "Thanks," she said before taking a bite. "I can get my own lunch, though." Of course she could, she was Isabella Swan. 

I nodded. "I know you can. My treat today, allow me to have some chivalry." I figured it was more than fair, seeing as I had brought her into a world of monsters and kept her in constant danger as long as I was with her. But hey. Pizza made up for that, didn't it? I sighed. "How were your classes?" I asked.

Classes were the last thing on her mind, I didn't need to hear her thoughts to know that. She shook her head, picking at the layer of cheese and taking small bites. "I couldn't tell you," she chuckled. "Couldn't pay much attention." She shrugged her shoulders and looked up so her eyes met mine. "Can you eat anything?" she asked. 

Here we go, the start of the vampire questions. I nodded. "I can. I don't like to, but sometimes it's necessary for appearances." I gestured to my siblings, where Alice was nibbling at a carrot. "We don't eat enough, judging by the thoughts of others, but it's a hassle. We just have to...dispose of it later." 

"Oh. Sorry about the milkshake, then," she replied. Bless her heart, as Jasper might say. 

I smiled. "It's quite alright, the gesture was very nice. And I did try it, to be completely honest. It wasn't the worst, I could tell it was sweet, but you know. It wasn't meant for my biology. Just like I doubt you'd fully enjoy a big cup of blood." I shrugged my shoulders, running a hand through my copper hair. I was being too chipper, upbeat about my situation. Joking about _blood?_ I barely recognized myself, the words flowed too effortlessly around Bella. 

But the girl laughed, she wasn't offended or put off. "No, I guess I wouldn't. I'll keep that in mind if I need to get you a present." My eyes widened at that; what in the hell was she offering? My reaction caused her to giggle again. "Will you relax? I'm not going to slit my wrist and call it happy hour, E." I cringed at that, but she took a big bite of her lunch. "How do you...Uh. I'm sorry, I have no idea how to word this, but...You and your family come to school every day. Surrounded by humans. And as far as I know, no one's been killed here, so...How do you do that?"

A very reasonable question. I was half expecting rumors of coffins, silver, crucifixes. Bella wanted to know how we remained so strong surrounded by temptation. "My family and I maintain a different lifestyle from most of our kind. We call ourselves vegetarians; we don't drink human blood." I scanned her face, gauging her reaction to this. Unphased, relaxed as ever. I smiled. She was giving me too much freedom to be myself. "Mostly we drink from deer, bears, wild animals that won't affect the ecosystem too much. It's enough for us to maintain control of ourselves, though it can be harder for others. Depending on the vampire, the human. All blood has a different scent. Much like how different smells of food attract different food-eaters." I chuckled. 

"What does mine smell like?" she asked, and I wished she hadn't. I didn't need a reminder, even if I had hunted this morning. I'd been able to not think about the fire in my throat, or the way my mouth watered in her presence, but it was harder when my attention was called to it.

I didn't want to scare her. I couldn't be so cheerful about this subject; I knew now that I needed to keep Bella around. But I also had to be honest. "It smells...Very sweet, almost floral. Clean, too, that's important. To put it briefly, you have the best smelling blood I've ever witnessed," I replied with a sigh, leaning back in my chair. "I am under control, I assure you. I've been alive a long time, I've lived this lifestyle for decades. The last thing I want to do is hurt you." A more sheepish smile made its way back to my lips. "And I'm too selfish, I wouldn't let anyone else hurt you, either. I like having you around."

She wasn't afraid. She was smiling. And her cheeks were flushing, there was even some pinkness going down her throat. "I don't think that's selfish, wanting to keep me around. I like it, too." Bella tucked her hair behind her ears, what appeared to be a nervous habit, then took a bite of her apple. "I trust you, Edythe. I know you wouldn't hurt me." Her voice sounded reassuring; she didn't want me to doubt myself. Her next question came after a few more bites. "When did you become this? How did that happen?"

It wasn't a memory I was eager to relive, but it was only fair. I painted Bella a picture, I took what I knew of Carlisle's memory and brought it to life as if the story was unrelated to me. It didn't feel like me, that Edythe was someone from another world. A seventeen-year-old girl, gaunt and pale from influenza. Her mother had died not soon before she would have, and she had left her doctor the request to save me. Carlisle took the girl's life at the same time he gave her immortality, she was his first creation. 

"Did it hurt?" Bella cut me off.

I tilted my head, secretly grateful that she had stopped me before I began to monologue over the curse the doctor gave the sick little girl, but I didn't know if this was a better path to go down. "You'll have to clarify for me," I requested. Did she mean my illness? The loss of my mother? The transformation itself? Pure agony, and slightly embarrassing, to have to ask, but I didn't want to tell her anything she didn't absolutely want to know. I was shocked that she wasn't overwhelmed with the conversation already. 

Bella was watching me with wide eyes, I had her full attention. What a privilege. "I meant being changed, but honestly, I want to know it all. Whatever you're willing to tell me."

What wasn't I willing to tell her? That boundary moved further away by the second, if it even existed at all. "All?" I hummed, but nodded. I could tell her all I remembered. It was surprisingly comforting to unload all of this, even if I also felt astronomically guilty for putting it onto my personal sun. "Alright. Stop me if it gets boring, or too much, or...don't be afraid to tell me to shut up." I knew she wouldn't be. "I don't remember being sick. I can see it now, on my body. I'm very thin, sunken in. Even if I have a new, supernatural beauty, I don't look like others of my kind that were healthier in their previous lives. I don't remember much of being human at all, only what Carlisle remembers and what he learned about me after my change. As for the transformation...I remember that quite clearly." I closed my eyes as I took myself back to that place. "It felt as if all my veins replaced blood with lava. It was the most painful experience of my life, and as it was happening, I could see myself from the outside. I could hear Carlisle's thoughts as he worked and checked on me for three days. I couldn't move, or speak, but I could hear him." I opened my eyes; Bella was still so enthralled. "I was angry and miserable for a long time. Years, in fact."

" _Why?_ " Now I had shocked Bella. How could anyone be ungrateful for immortality?

I smiled sadly, sitting up straighter. "I didn't ask for this, Isabella. In my previous life, I was very virtuous. I followed the rules, I went to church, I had a chance at..." Was now the time to get into my beliefs on my soul? On the afterlife? "I could have gone to heaven, if he had let me die. I wouldn't have had to watch the world I knew and loved morph through the decades. I wouldn't have had to hear every thought of every human, every victim, I had. I struggled with his lifestyle, his diet. I didn't see the point. We were demons, we were soulless-"

"That's not tr-"

"Don't," I protested as she tried to argue against me. "We don't need to talk about that. That was how I felt at the time." I didn't think of this as a lie, I most certainly didn't despise myself to the same degree I had in my youth. "But I understand my father now. Making the most of the situation, helping when we can with what abilities we have. It can be a frustrating existence, one I have not completely learned to cope with. I've got the time." I sighed heavily, pointing a finger towards the ceiling as the bell rang out. "Unfortunately, this conversation does not. I'm sure you still have questions." 

"A million, yeah." Bella laughed, picking up her mostly empty tray and getting to her feet. "Do we _have_ to go to class?" She sounded whiny, she didn't want to separate any more than I did. "I can fake being sick, we could go back to my house and work on stuff for the fundraiser." As silly as she was being, I could hear and see a glimmer of hope from her. 

Who was I to tell her no? It was healthy to ditch from time to time. It'd be so easy, get an excuse note for Bella, grab a few flower pots from Mrs. Welch, and spend the rest of the afternoon together. Alone. With not even her father home to make sure we didn't get too close. 

Maybe I should have said no, but what came out of my mouth was, "Go sit in the car," as I slipped her my keys. The look on her face, her eyes lit up, her lips spread into a grin. I could've fallen to my knees and worshiped that gorgeous, happy face. As she made her way to the parking lot, I started towards the administrative office. 

_HELL YEAH, EDYTHE!!_ Emmett's thoughts shouted while my sneakers padded along the tile.

 _What the_ fuck _did you just do?_ Rosalie, as I crooned to the little old woman behind the counter.

 _YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!_ Alice's mind was so loud and high-pitched I could have cringed. She had a vision of being close to Bella in a not-so-distant future. I tried to shift my focus to the woman's thoughts as she signed the excuse.

 _Please don't ruin this for us._ Jasper didn't mean us as a family unit. He didn't want his life with Alice ruined, her safety meant the absolute world to him. I understood his complete and hopeless devotion now. I got my flower pots from the art room, and within minutes I was beside Bella again. 

Where I belonged. 

I handed Bella one of the ceramic pots, letting my own sit in the back floorboard. "Let's not make a habit of this," I advised, but I was smirking. She had made the car so warm, and taken it upon herself to find a CD in my collection to pop in. 

Rather than reply to my remark about our ditching, Bella decided to comment on the hip-hop music playing on what was undoubtedly a mix CD that Emmett had made for me. "A 108-year-old likes T-Pain? Isn't that a little taboo for someone from your time?" She was teasing, I could tell, and both of us were giggling messes as I left the school.

"A 108-year-old likes good music. And yes, T-Pain did occasionally have good music. I have the authority to say so." I turned up the volume and the both of us began to sing. I wasn't performing alone in my car anymore, Bella was with me to make me even more playful, poorly rapping and bobbing her head with the biggest smile I'd ever seen from her. 

I was the luckiest vampire in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: remember how i said there were only going to be 10 chapters? i think i lied. i got carried away in this chapter, got more ideas, so i know how this is gonna end...it's just the road there. (fun fact: there are 14 shades of bob ross's main paint colors, and that's what the chapters are named for so...maybe 14? we'll see.) as always, thank you for all feedback, favorites, and follows. love you all.
> 
> songs referenced: they were absolutely rapping to 5 o'clock by t-pain ft. lily allen


	10. phthalo blue

"So your father won't mind your being home from school, alone with a vampire?" I asked as I followed Bella through her front door. It was a nice house, cozy and warm. They'd had spaghetti for dinner the night before, I could smell the leftovers. There were photos of Bella, and her father, and a woman I had never seen before. It had to have been the mysterious Renee, though she didn't resemble her daughter too closely. The girl led me up the stairs to her bedroom, closing the door behind her. I cleared my throat. "Alone in your bedroom," I added, more like it was just a simple observation. 

Bella took the flower pots from me, setting them down on a desk that was far too small for the amount of art and school supplies she had piled onto it. She shrugged her shoulders as she began to shove her laptop, textbooks, and class-related items off the desk to make room. "Charlie wants me to have friends. And he's pretty accepting, I'm sure a vampire would be small potatoes to him." She winked before turning her attention back to her clutter. I saw her face scrunching up as she worked to clear a spot for me, I assumed. I watched with some amusement, she had never had to share her space before. I was very privileged indeed. 

Finally, she settled on placing the pot on the window-seat. Bella appeared to have created that herself, lining the window sill with a throw blanket and a pillow tucked into the corner. It felt sacred, I could picture her reading or drawing there, so I expected her to take that and for me to use her desk. "You can have the window," she told me. Always surprising me. I went to the window without any second thoughts, picking up the pot and gently turning it in my hands while trying to imagine what I would paint on it. I could paint abstract patterns, perhaps use a sponge to create a cloud-like texture-

My thoughts were interrupted by a soft gasp. "What's wrong?" I asked, furrowing my brow and looking at Bella. No cuts or bruises, she hadn't broken anything or hurt herself. What had surprised her?

Bella blinked, her cheeks were red again as she settled into the chair by her desk. "Um...Nothing. Nothing's wrong," she replied, though her eyes were glued to me. Was there something on my face? "Are you wearing makeup?"

Makeup? Why would makeup get her attention that way in the first place? The gears turned quickly, and I glanced down to look at my forearm. The clouds had shifted, rays of sunshine were spilling through the window. My skin was shimmering. I could only imagine what my face looked like to Bella right now; I was grateful that she had already figured out what I was so I didn't have to make anything up. Body glitter was not an excuse I wanted to pull out in this day and age. "I'm not," I replied, bringing my hair forward to hide my face from her more. "Can we draw the curtains?"

"Why?" Bella asked, the idea of shielding me from the sunlight was not one she seemed to be fond of. "You're...You're gorgeous, Edythe. Is this a vampire thing?" She stood up to come closer, sitting on the other corner of the window sill. We were close, too close. I could feel her breath. "C'mon, let me see." I had turned my face away, but obediently looked back to face her head on. She shook her head, completely in awe. "I knew that camping thing had to be bullshit," she breathed.

That did get a laugh from me, but I was so confused. She thought this was beautiful? I was so completely non-human, and she was intrigued. She _wanted_ to see me. I was being myself too much, I was only drawing her in closer to the danger that was my existence. "This is the skin of a killer, Bella," I tried to make her understand, almost pleading with her to not romanticize the supernatural. Should've known it'd be no use.

She shushed me. "I've squashed a few bugs, I'm as much of a killer as you are." She was ridiculous! Bella was tempting me to show her just how much trouble I could cause, how lethal I was. She thought killing a couple of spiders was the same as me killing people. 

I shook my head, standing up and taking a few steps back from her. I was angry, I'd admit that. Not with Bella, really, but more at her line of thinking. She couldn't know, but she shouldn't have _trusted_ me this much. I didn't deserve it. "Bella," I sighed, running both hands through my hair and beginning to pace. I never really paced before her, I'd never felt the itch to move and fidget so much. "Did you see anything on the news this weekend? About those...those shitheads in Seattle?" She nodded, her head slightly tilted in confusion. "They're dead. Can you imagine who might've done that?"

Her eyes widened. "Not you. Edythe, did you really-" I nodded, and her mouth closed for a moment before speaking again, her words careful and calculated. "You know, I'd venture to say that they weren't very nice. I heard what they'd done to those girls, you went too easy on them. My dad told me that whoever managed to get rid of them are heroes." She stood up, stepping close and tilting her head to look up at me. She was getting too close to me. "I don't think that makes you any worse of a person. You're good, E. You can't convince me otherwise." She smiled. "I'm too stubborn for that."

Hero. So she had inherited her dumb bravery from her father. I sighed, shaking my head. I knew she wouldn't believe the threat I caused until she saw it herself. I hoped it never got to that point. It was a horrible internal conflict; I didn't want her to fear me, but I wanted her to see that she should. "I wish I could," I replied quietly. I looked down into her eyes. She was still so near to me, her body heat radiating from her, her scent overpowering anything else. I could reach out and wrap an arm around her, or bury my face in her hair. But I didn't. I reluctantly moved past her to sit on the windowsill again, picking up the flower pot and a pencil to begin sketching a design onto the surface.

Bella stood in the same spot, looking at me with confusion and perhaps worry etched onto her face. I'd have to learn how to read expressions better, I always relied too much on thoughts. I had to learn to understand her more. I stuck the pencil behind my ear after drawing a few lines. "What are you thinking?" I asked her. It was so irritating to have to ask. 

The brunette finally went to sit back in her chair, but made no move to start working on her project. "I'm thinking about if anyone has shown you just how great you are," she admitted, face red. "Your siblings are all together, right? You don't have someone like that." She frowned at the thought. "Have you been alone for a long time? Not that that's a big deal, being single is absolutely fine. I'm just wondering." She smiled a little. "Feel free to tell me to shut up." She was repeating my own words back to me. 

That's what she was thinking about? That made no sense! We were talking about what a monster I may or may not have been, and she wanted to know if I was lonely. I turned my eyes away from her, focusing once more on outlining the pattern I had in mind. "I haven't been _alone._ Not the way I see it. But no, I haven't ever had a partner. Never felt that sort of attraction for anyone." _Before you._ Carlisle had had errant thoughts about my relationship status plenty of times; he wanted me to understand the good that partnership could bring me. But even he knew I wouldn't fully grasp the concept until I met the right person to make me feel it for myself. Just my luck, that person was Bella. Beautiful, ridiculous, clumsy, clever, funny, breakable Bella. "Why do you ask?"

Now it was her turn to avoid my eyes, looking at the pot as she sketched out what looked to be a floral pattern. "I'm just wondering. You've been alive for so long, and to not have anyone...I just think about how low you seem to think of yourself." She glanced up at me through long eyelashes. "It makes me sad to think that no one's ever shown you otherwise, or loved you in that way. But then I think that loving yourself is way more important than being with someone." She laughed, shrugging her shoulders. "I dunno how to explain it. I just want you to see how cool you are."

I had to deeply focus on not shattering the ceramic pot. Bella thought I was cool. I was the biggest geek on the planet. If I had been a human in this day and age, I would no doubt be coined a loser, or a loner. It was the vampirism that added mystery and appeal and an element of intimidation to my persona, but me and my family knew what I actually was. Bella really thought I was cool. What the hell. "Thank you," I managed, but there was that tone of uncertainty there. She'd heard it, chuckling.

"You don't have to believe me. If someone said that to me, I wouldn't see it in myself, either." Bella gave me a kind smile. No one had shown her how brilliant she was, either. But somehow this human girl, who was over half my age, had more self-awareness than I did. "Just trust me. If you trust what I say, trust that you are one of the coolest people I've ever met. I thought that even before the vampire thing. That does give you some points, though." I snorted.

The magnetic feeling I had experienced with Bella from the beginning was soothed. We were coexisting, sharing our space, working separately. I finally understood the appeal of Esme knitting in Carlisle's study while he read. It was incredibly peaceful; there was a sense of safety and security that I had never known I was missing. I was finishing my layer of white, though Bella hadn't bothered with a base. She had gone straight in with thin layers of a deep blue, building up the colors in a slower way. All the noise in the room was her breathing, her heartbeat, and my habitual inhale and exhale. "I'm enjoying myself," I said aloud, smiling at how silly it sounded. "Kurt Vonnegut had a quote: 'I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim, or murmur, or think, If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" I was happy, thoroughly happy.

Bella looked to feel the same way, a wide grin as her eyes remained focused on adding another layer of navy. "I'm happy, too." She finally set her pot to the side, looking at me with those gears working away behind her eyes. "You don't eat. So...I can't ask you to dinner."

My goofy smile turned to a frown. Was she hungry again already? We hadn't left school long ago, and she had had quite a bit. Her stomach wasn't rumbling. "Do you want to eat? I don't mind, Bella-"

"No, E, I'm not hungry," she laughed, shaking her head. "Do you like movies, then? I'm sure you've seen the same story line over and over again."

My head cocked to the side in confusion. She wasn't hungry, but she was going to ask me to dinner. And now a movie? That only sounded like...Well. Dates. The kinds of dates high school students went on. I was stunned; we had just been talking, and then painting, and now she was trying to ask me out. A vampire. A 108-year-old geek. I'd sever my left foot to hear the train of thought that had brought her to such a destination. "I haven't seen a movie in a long time," I admitted. "Not in theaters, at least." Emmett and Alice had forced us into long, terrible movie marathons plenty of times in the past. "I don't dislike them, though. Do you like movies?"

She was still laughing at me. Not in a hateful way, but evidently I was rather amusing. I was embarrassing myself and being too awkward, but this was the first time I'd ever been asked out. Any time a human had tried in the past, I could always steer them away before the words could get out. I couldn't, nor did I particular want to, distract Bella. I just didn't know how to accept such an offer. Maybe our trip to the exhibit wasn't a real date, because this felt much more explicitly not just a friendly outing. 

"I don't mind movies. I don't mind anything, really, it's just...Ya know. My shitty way of trying to ask you out. But honestly, don't feel bad if you don't wanna do that, or you're not into me that way. Obviously I'm totally fine with being your friend-"

"No, it's not that," I insisted quickly, before she could really begin to doubt herself. I was "into her" that way. I wanted to go out with her. A startling, frightening fact, but I couldn't deny it. "Believe it or not, Bella, I haven't actually been asked out before. But I think that we are already something past a typical friendship, are we not?"

Bella nodded. She knew it was true, the chemistry was undeniable. She had watched me nearly kill a man right in front of her, then had knowledge that I had finished him off the same evening. She knew what I was, and she thought it was _cool._ She knew what I was capable of, yet she felt safe with me. She wanted to actually get to know me. She wanted me to see myself the way she saw me, and I wanted the same for her. "Yeah, I guess this is a little different from normal friends," she laughed. She chewed on her bottom lip, redness flushing over her cheeks. "I never know what people go for, do you know what I mean? I felt weird, assuming that you might...swing in my direction." She scoffed, shaking her head. "That's so stupid, isn't it. You probably never have that problem."

I laughed out loud. "You think I _never_ have that problem? Bella, before I met you, I didn't even see it in myself. I didn't see it in my sisters, or my cousins, or anyone. It was never even a thought for me." I leaned my head back against her window pane. "I'm accepting, of course. I just...Never considered it. Didn't consider myself straight, to be fair." It was so liberating, once I had admitted to it. It was still new, an overwhelming new side of myself that needed to be explored, but I was vocalizing it. I was putting it all out there, and I trusted Bella to accept me. "You, though. How long have you known?" I wanted to hear her story; I needed to know how she had come to terms with herself and her sexuality. If she had come to terms with it at all, or if she was just as clueless as I was. 

She blinked. "You didn't know until _me_?" Was that not good? Was that too much? The pinkness on her face somehow deepened, I could feel the heat of her blush from a few feet away. "Uh...I mean, I've known for a while. I've been out since I was thirteen. I'm not a lesbian, I'm definitely bisexual. But I find girls attractive way more often than guys. It wasn't a huge deal for me, and I'm so lucky for that." She put her pot down to come sit beside of me again. "At the time, it felt like a lot. Like I had a big, terrible secret, and that everyone would judge me and hate me for it. I can't imagine discovering it after a century. Has it been weird for you?"

Having her close made this somehow even more intimate. Squished onto a few cushions on her window sill, in the corner of the room. The sunlight was setting nearly half of my face into twinkles and I could see shades of red in her otherwise chocolate hair. I knew all of these details about her, I'd committed them to memory, but having them so close was taking over all of my senses. "It has been weird," I agreed with a smirk. "A lot to think about, but...I'm glad I realized it. My family was shocked. I'm the one who can read minds, but I didn't see how others already perceived me." Bella somehow find a whole new way to surprise me: She reached out and put her warm hand on my knee, I had folded my legs criss-crossed. I swallowed at the feeling, blinking a few times before continuing, "My sister, Alice. She has visions of the future, different visions based on decisions. When I met you, there were some different outcomes. One of the outcomes sent me down a spiral, and I came to my senses after running away to Alaska."

I must have been gushing, spilling too much. "Back up," Bella requested, her fingers clenching along the muscle of my thigh. This wasn't just a caress, it was a hold. She was holding me, in this small way. "Should I start with your psychic sister, or you running away to Alaska?" she asked. I shrugged my shoulders, raising an eyebrow as a cue for her to ask questions on either subject. She just stared at me, lips parted as she considered what to say first. "What outcome did she see that made you run away? Is that what did it?" She loosened her grip on my leg, back to the gentle, barely-there touch. 

"Yes, one of her visions sent me into a panic," I admitted with a sigh. It was silly, and I definitely didn't want to tell Bella of my overreaction. I didn't want her to know that one of her futures was so wrapped up in my own. I didn't want to influence her in any way. "Alice saw me and you together. Not in an explicit way, or anything, but...there was a hint of affection there. I suppose that set off a spark, and I was frightened. I don't believe I've ever _felt_ so much all at once. So I ran north, to a family in Alaska that we are close with. I didn't trust myself to be alone." I brought my hair over one shoulder, idly braiding it just so I could have something to toy with. "You'll recall I wasn't in school for a few days after we first met. I was buried face-first in the snow." I chuckled. It really was silly, overdramatic. It only felt that way now that I knew Bella had some feelings for me. Now I had some comfort, I knew I could be myself and she wanted to be a part of my existence. Even if it was in a smaller sense than what Alice predicted. "I've been working on coming to terms with all of it. My sexuality, what it means for you, what Alice sees. And there is still quite a lot of guilt there, but I'm selfish. Greedy." I grimaced, looking out into her yard. I was lucky it was still a time of day where everyone was at work or school; I shouldn't have been glittering so freely, but it was nice to not hide for now. "There is something in me that will not allow me to stay away from you. I'm not strong enough to tell that side no. That being said...If you ever want me to go away, Bella-"

I should have seen it coming, I should have noticed the way Bella's eyes glanced down to my lips, or the way her hand was gripping to give herself leverage as she leaned forward to kiss my still-blabbering lips. My body froze, but my throat was on fire. She was _delicious._ Not just in a primal, predatory way, either. There was such a sweetness to her, and her lips were burning hot, softer than anything I'd felt before. I was in control, I was decidedly not going to bite her head off, but I felt like she was pushing it. My eyebrow furrowed, eyes closing as I allowed myself to kiss back, just for the slightest second, until her lips parted. 

"Shit," I murmured from the opposite corner of her room. I had shot off, the tiny part of my brain that had any common sense had taken over and sent me into the dimly-lit spot between her dresser and a lamp. "I'm sorry, can you give me just a moment?" I asked, looking her over where she still remained in the beautiful sunlight.

Bella looked the most gorgeous I had ever seen her. She was breathing heavily, her heart was stuttering. It was mildly concerning, but the tempo was inspiring. Her hand went through her hair, strands going to the wrong side of her part, waves falling out of place from where they had been styled minutes before. "Take all the moments you need," she sighed, putting a hand on her chest. She managed to get her own heart back in order, standing up from the cushions to hesitantly approach me. "I'm sorry, Edythe," she began. "I don't usually attack people, especially people who are just coming out and I lost control, and that wasn't cool. Next time, I'll get all the consent." I was still so stiff, her face turned to a concerned frown. "Are you okay?"

She didn't need to be guilty. I didn't want that for her, I didn't want her to think I hadn't deeply enjoyed her kiss. But she was right, I had only just begun exploring myself in any romantic capacity. How would I tell her that was the first real kiss I could remember? "I'm alright, Bella," I promised. "You are not the only one struggling with control." I chuckled, shaking my head. "That was lovely, but next time..." _There would be a next time_ , "I might need a little more warning." 

"So you don't rip my throat out, right?" Bella laughed, but my eyes widened. How could she joke so easily about that? I nodded, and she smiled, holding a hand out in an effort to get me out of my corner. "I'm sorry, I really didn't think about that part of it. I should have. But you're strong, E. I'm not afraid of that." She coaxed her fingers at me, and I finally reached out to take her hand. I stepped out of the corner, out into the middle of her bedroom. "Can we try again?" she asked, squeezing my hand softly.

Next time was _now?_ She was that eager to kiss me again. As terrifying as it was, I also wanted to give it another go. I was more prepared, I could be strong. _Don't underestimate yourself._ "Take it slow," I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. I had to wonder if this was moving quickly by normal teenage standards, but Bella and I were already very different. I liked to believe our relationship was much deeper. Perhaps I was just pretentious and hopeful, or drunk with teen hormones I thought were long gone, but I didn't need to find excuses. Not when I saw Bella get on her tiptoes to place a hand on my cheek, the other on my shoulder, kissing my marble cheek first. So tender. My arms found their way around her waist, barely lifting her so that she didn't have to work so hard to reach my level. 

Her lips were on mine again soon after, and I could feel her pulse in my mouth, under my hands, _everywhere._ I moved my lips slowly, going with the flow of what she chose to do. She clearly had more experience than me, though I knew better than to ask about that. That was the one reason I was glad I could not hear her thoughts; I didn't want to know. The kissing was intimate, though we weren't exactly slobbering all over the other. It was experimental, innocent, for the most part. Bella's kindness showed, I could feel the way her fingers bunched into the fabric of my shirt, but she remained kind and gentle. Even while her heart was frantically pounding, she didn't go further. I had to be the one to pull back, though, she was running out of air. Her pupils were dilated, she was flushed, she was _smiling._ If I hadn't been certain of the status of my immortality and my soul, I'd be sure that I had died and gone to heaven. 

"Better?" she asked, twirling her finger through my curls and sufficiently unraveling the half-braid I had started. She seemed so at ease touching me. I let her bring her hand to my face, closing my eyes as she stroked my cheekbone, traced my jaw. It was peaceful. It took me back to memories I didn't even know remained; the feeling of Carlisle pushing my sweaty hair back from my forehead in Chicago while I was in a feverish haze. 

I leaned my head into her hand, desperate for more of her warmth. "The first wasn't bad," I cooed. "That's...so nice, Bella. Better than I could've imagined." I let her back down to stand flat on her feet and started to lightly rub her back. We needed to work on our flower pots, start painting instead of tiptoeing on this dangerous ground, but all I wanted right now was to hold her. I could easily remain this way with her for days, weeks, if she wasn't human. She'd likely get bored anyway. I pressed my lips to the top of her head before letting her go. "Would you like to see a movie with me tonight, Bella?" I hadn't done this the proper way, not the method of courting I had envisioned, but something had worked to my advantage. Emmett would be pleased.

Bella grinned, and I saw that pretty gap in her teeth again. "You know I would. I'm pretty sure everything out is lame, but it'll be fun. Would you be offended if I said I wanted to hear the thoughts of the horny people making out in the theater?" I laughed with her, shaking my head and leading her back to the window seat. 

"No, I won't be offended. It's much more fun to let other people hear, otherwise I start to question where others' thoughts begin and mine end. But you will regret that request, the thoughts are usually disgusting," I informed her as I picked up my brush from the plate. She sat with me after retrieving her own pot and faux-palette, sitting with her legs twisting with my own so we could both stretch out a bit more while still being so close. The line was crossed, we were passed some sort of boundary of just friendship. Nothing was official, but I wasn't anxious to label anything. This was more than enough.

I did eventually have to draw the curtains, but Bella and I remained tangled up in each other while working on our pots. She had layered colors in a way I hadn't even thought of, and I was in awe. I sponged shades of green over my white base while we talked about everything we could think of. Movies I'd seen in my day, clubs Bella had attempted to join in elementary school, even some detail about my family and the powers within it. I would have worried that we'd run out of conversation topics before our date, but talking was effortless. She was as enthralled with all I had to say as I was with her. From what Alice had seen, I knew that wouldn't go away. I was totally at ease, _happy._ I didn't have a worry in the world in that moment.

Then Charlie's thoughts started to fade in, the police car pulling in beside mine. Alright, perhaps one worry. "Bells?" I heard him call out once he got through the front door. There was no way to deny I was here, my car was out in the lot. I wasn't opposed to meeting Bella's father, but he might not have the best impression of me pulling her out of school after lunch. He didn't need to know about the kissing. On top of all of this, I thought she didn't like that nickname. Perhaps only her father was allowed to use that. Fair enough.

Bella set down her pot, standing up and looking at me. "Stay there. I'll talk to him, you're just my cool new friend from school and we're gonna hang out tonight. You took me to school, but we had to leave early because of female troubles. He won't question that," she said with a smirk, kissing my cheek before leaving me alone in her room.

 _How many rules of courtship have you broken?_ A text from Alice. I rolled my eyes, but actually thought about the answer I would give her.

 _Seven, depending on how you look at it,_ I typed back.

_I'm so proud, Edie. Go break them all for me, won't you?_

If my 17-year-old self could hear me now, if my poor mother Elizabeth knew what her daughter would become, they would both be horribly disappointed. But the idea of breaking every rule did set something off within me. The same thrill I could hear when Emmett threw a car across a field. I'd spent all of my life so committed to outdated virtues, standards of how a proper young woman should act.

I was 108. I was old enough to say fuck all of the rules if I wanted.

_You already know I will, Alice._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Is this good? Is this the romance and steam y'all wanted?!?!?!? (seriously tell me tho cuz i'm officially out of my element) Wanna give a heads up: I'm not POSITIVE that I'll update over the holidays as I'm starting a new job right after Christmas but I will be writing! (also the day i'm posting this, 12/18, is my birthday. do with that info what you will.) Love to all of you!!!! Happy holidays!


	11. mountain mixture

Meeting Charlie hadn't gone as poorly as I'd anticipated. He was disappointed in our ditching, but Bella was right; female troubles turned him onto a completely different train of thought. The less he had to know, the better. He was charmed by me, he had kind thoughts towards my father. Carlisle helped me in ways he didn't even know, giving our family the best reputation so there could never be too horrible of a bias against us. Charlie was shocked at the idea of Bella wanting to go to a movie, but I'd insisted that it was an absolute tragedy that she'd never had a proper girls' night. Even made up a little white lie about how my sisters and I make it a point to go out and have fun at least once a week; no idiot boys allowed. He liked that quite a bit, enough to dole out a few bucks for popcorn. 

"You don't need to pull the dazzle on my dad, you know," Bella told me as we both returned to her room from the kitchen: the meeting spot where Charlie had cracked open a beer and nearly spat all of it out when he saw me in his home. She was putting up her painting supplies, muttering something about letting this last layer actually dry before messing it up more. Did she really think her project was not already perfect? 

As she cleaned, I sat on the edge of her bed. I could've gotten everything back in its place in a second, but Bella was headstrong. I knew better. "Who says I pulled the dazzle on anyone? Perhaps I'm just naturally charming, Bella." I theatrically tossed my hair. I was joking around, being playful. A goofy vampire. Bram Stoker would be rolling in his grave.

Bella rolled her eyes, now making her way across the room into her closet. "No, I don't think that's it," she teased, pulling out a different raincoat than the one she had worn to school. It was newer, as were the boots she was pulling on. She was dressing up for me, in the most Bella way she could. She glanced at herself in her mirror, also taking a long look at me, now sprawled out over her blankets, and began to tie her hair into a braid. She huffed, craning her neck to try and get a better view of herself and her work, before I stood up and took the long hair into my own fingers. I was better at braiding, that was a skill I didn't have to learn in this new life. Just muscle memory. I must have worn my hair that way so often as a human. "Thanks," she murmured, her reflection was blushing back at me. 

I twisted the strands down her back, loosening it up a little so it looked more natural. That seemed to be the style she went for. Casual, easy, simple. She pulled it off better than anyone I'd ever met, and I'd probably met over a few million people in my lifetime. "Perfect," I said, patting her shoulder softly as I stepped to stand beside of her. We looked good together in her mirror. So similar to Alice's vision; only now, Bella's skin was still warm, and pink, and soft. In one of our futures, she would be hard, and cold, and as alabaster as I was. If it was possible, my heart would shatter at the thought. 

"Why do you look sad?" she asked, and I realized the dark-haired girl in the mirror had her head tilted to look up to the vampire with the just barely furrowed brow, and a pouty lip. I corrected myself; it had been too easy to be an open book around her. My face went back to its neutral expression, pulling the corners of my lips up into a smile.

I wrapped my arm around her waist, squeezing gently. "I'm not sad, Bella. Promise." I kissed her temple, then let her go. Now that I knew what touching her was like, I was addicted. I'd have to remind myself to go slowly, to not test my limits so recklessly. I picked up my backpack, fishing only my thin wallet from it and shoving it into the pocket of the baggy army jacket I'd stolen from Jasper's 90's box. Alice had stripped it of its buttons and patches long ago, and since the decade's fashion was rearing its ugly head again, she deemed it acceptable for me to wear in this day and age. The sun was beginning to set outside, the lighting in Bella's room was fading to a comforting purplish-blue shade. I would be content to spend the rest of my evening in here with her, but that was definitely a risk. Going out would keep me accountable, and it would be a small taste of Bella and I behaving as typical teenage lovebirds. She deserved that sort of human experience.

Bella picked up an old, beaten-up bag that she had to have had for years. The leather was worn, the strap was beginning to strain. She must have been sentimental. She checked her phone, fingers typing on the screen. "There's a few movies playing tonight. Pick a genre: Thriller, romance, or comedy?" I stepped to look over her shoulder, and grinned. 

"You aren't even old enough to see that first one," I teased her. _Hell Baby,_ rated R. "Are you trying to use my age so you can get into the grownup movies, Isabella?" I flipped her braid up, grinning cheekily. "We can go to that one, though, if you're looking for the best thoughts to hear." People making their own predictions, faking their bravery for the sake of whomever they'd gone with. The ridiculous tactics of acting afraid just to get close to their dates. If Bella wanted a laugh, that would be the best movie for us to see. Our first real date: Hell Baby. I prayed that wasn't any sort of foreshadowing. 

She nodded, leading the way down through the house to the front door. "Thank goodness I have a great-great-grandmother to sneak me into the gory flicks," Bella teased, bumping my shoulder with her own as we went down the porch stairs. She grunted at the contact, putting a hand to her arm. "Okay, great-great-grandmother made out of steel. Noted." She laughed, but I had paused to stand by my passenger door to check on her. I put a hand on the affected shoulder, lightly rubbing it. She looked up at me with an exasperated sigh. "Don't you do it, Edie. No more self-hatred or guilt, okay? You're as guilty of hurting me as the multitude of trees or poles I could bump into, or the amount of cracks in a sidewalk I could trip over. I'm clumsy, that is not on you. So just...don't start." 

I nodded, keeping my lips glued shut and opening the door for her instead. Maybe I wouldn't voice the thoughts out loud, but my brain had enough room to multitask socializing with her and also having a deep, tortured monologue. Bella deserved someone warm, and soft, who wouldn't bruise her lovely skin! She didn't want me to feel guilt. I would do my best to keep it inside for now. "You can choose the music," I said, rather than commenting on the minor incident. When we were both in the car, I reached into the back to find my CD organizer from 2004. It had been a gift from Esme, my name was embroidered onto it in a silly, curly font, and velcro holding the accordion of disc sleeves together. My car collection was vast, though not even a fraction of what I had stacked on my shelves at home. The selection that went into my car rotated often; at the present the genres to choose from were grunge, early 2000's pop, plenty of classical, and some miscellaneous, including the soundtrack to "The Lizzie McGuire Movie." I had a reputation in my family as the music snob, pretentious and picky, but...I couldn't deny that that album was an absolute work of art. 

Bella took her time going through my music, and for that reason, I drove slower. I took longer backroads, savoring the car ride with her. The movie wouldn't start for a while anyway. I didn't look as she made her decision, I was actually eager for the surprise. When she put the disc in and the first track started, I grinned. True Blue by Madonna. 1986. "Very good choice, Bella." I let my hand rest on the gear shift, but I was surprised again. The girl reached over to pull my hand into her lap, looping her warm, short fingers with my cool, longer ones. She sang along to the music, squeezing my hand at a particular beat or inflection in a song. "Why did you choose this one, if I may ask?" I hated to interrupt her singing, but the curiosity was hard to ignore.

"My mom loves this one," she explained with a smile. "I guess I felt the nostalgia. We'd sing to this in the car when she would pick me up from school. I haven't heard these songs in years, but I still remember all the words. Plus, the songs are just good." Bella used the hand that wasn't holding mine to trace the bones and muscles in the back of my hand. "What were you doing when this album came out?"

It was strange, even for me, to think that Bella's mom and I were the same age at the same time once. I don't know how old Renee had been in '86, but I had been in art school in New York. "I was a freshman in college," I began. "Came out in September, if I remember correctly." Which I always did. "I majored in sculpting that time around. I've completed degrees in all traditional art, next time I take that route I will really commit to learning the digital forms of illustration." I had been putting that off for decades; I was old-fashioned. "I don't think my life was very exciting back then, but I did enjoy what Madonna did to the culture. Alice did, too. God." I laughed. "You know those stereotypes of what the 80s looked like? All the Madonna costumes? That was my sister, every single day. And she made sure Rosalie and I kept the same fashion."

Bella snorted, and I knew I'd have to show her photos someday. Alice liked to take pictures just for artistic reasons, but our mother liked to take family portraits every few years. We could remember everything from every time, of course, but for her it was a bit of a tradition. As far as vampires went, our "coven" much more resembled a family. "And families have a damn Christmas card," Esme had insisted when Rosalie had argued too far against the idea back in 1973. "I bet you looked awesome, if the present is any indication," she told me. Even with red cheeks, she still spoke with certainty. Not confidence, but like she was just stating facts. Like my hair was gingery, or my skin was pale white; her attraction to me was concrete and definite.

I took my turn to squeeze her hand, just barely. I had to be careful, I could break her fingers without a thought. I assured myself that I would get used to this, I would learn my limits, and soon they would be just as routine and familiar as shaking hands or playing dodgeball in gym. "You're very kind, Bella. Some of us pulled the look off better than others." Jasper had been lucky to not have gone to high school in that decade, taking the time to hone his control and his power, studying independently. He just didn't look right in the clothing and makeup that Alice tried to doll him up in. Emmett had taken it to an extreme level of over-accessorizing. The family had drawn probably a little too much attention in those years. 

The car was soon only filled with the music, and Bella humming as I drove us to the theater. It was a Monday night, there wasn't a high chance of running into anyone from school. Parents and adults likely weren't going to see Hell Baby tonight, either. Maybe the theater would be empty. That would be my luck, a dark, empty room with the most beautiful human in the world with the most delicious blood I'd ever encountered. Rather, that would be Bella's bad luck. Her hand was warm in mine, the smell of her shampoo would hopefully remain in the interior of my car for days. Then again, I knew that I wouldn't have to rely on the ghost of her scent. I'd be sharing a lot of time with her, as long as she would have me. Once I parked in the mostly abandoned lot, I picked up her hand and brought it to my lips. Her veins were so close, so blue through her pale skin. I kissed her knuckles softly, with hardly any pressure at all, and held her warm hand to my cheek. 

"Does that feel good?" she asked, her voice so gentle, sweet. The way she might have spoken to a puppy. 

She had no idea just how good it felt. I didn't touch humans. Not any more than I had to, nothing extensive. Warmth was a concept that I had allowed myself to forget. The soothing heat of her skin, the softness, the barely-there weight of her fingers pressing into my cheekbone. I was built to be indestructible, but Bella's presence brought a sense of security and safety that I'd never known I'd been missing. "Feels amazing," I admitted, as if it was a sin that I had to confess for. I'm sure I would have plenty to atone for, if I ever met any sort of deity. I decided that it was thoroughly worth it as Bella leaned across the gear shift to tuck her head against my shoulder. More heat. Her lips pressed to my throat, and I felt dizzy. I chuckled a bit awkwardly, I was out of my element. "That...Is getting a little too amazing. For now," I told her, seeing a bit of disappointment when she pulled back. I wasn't going to gamble and experiment with our physical boundaries quite yet. I shook my head, smirking as I got out of the car. The cool night air was a relief; I wasn't drowning in the heat and the scent of Bella. "Don't want to miss _Hell Baby,_ now do we?"

Bella got out of the car after, walking side by side. I briefly wondered if she would want to hold my hand outside, or in a public space where people could see. She seemed far more comfortable with her sexuality than I was, but still. Romantically involved with a Cullen, that would be something. Our friendship was already ruffling plenty of feathers. She wanted to be close to me, that much was certain. And that was more than enough for me. I bought our tickets, though I did allow her to use her father's money for the popcorn, and we sat in the very back row of the theater. 

We weren't completely alone, a few sets of couples and friends had trickled in during the previews. Throughout the ridiculousness of the film, I'd whisper particularly amusing thoughts into Bella's ear, and her giggling would sometimes warrant a stern look or a "shush!" from the thinker in question, which only made her laugh more. Sure, it was a bit unethical, invading the privacy of strangers to make a pretty girl laugh. I couldn't resist, though, not after seeing how perfect she was when she stifled giggles behind her hand, cheeks red and eyes crinkled from overwhelming amusement. She crunched on her popcorn, or she would rest her hand on my thigh. She didn't cringe at any of the startling moments in the movie; she wasn't afraid of anything. Her bravery, while a bit idiotic, was so...attractive. I didn't know if I had the strength to admit to myself that it was sexy, the way she could face anything head-on without a blink. (Though, of course, it was.)

The car ride home was just as sweet, affectionate, beautiful. It was a perfect night. We sang along to Madonna, and took many winding roads before going back to the Swan house. I didn't want it to end. "You don't sleep, right?" Bella asked, turning down the volume on our music. I shook my head, raising an eyebrow in her direction. "You could stay with me. If you wanted. I mean...Must get boring in the night. And me sleeping would probably be boring, too, but..." She blushed, shrugging off the subject.

This girl. She wanted me to stay with her while she slept. She was right, I did get bored often in the night when my siblings and parents would break off with each other, sometimes to our other properties. I could use my time painting, composing, writing, meditating. But staying with Bella, that was always going to be the more interesting option. The more comforting one. "If you really want," I replied, opting to play it cool. She didn't need me to be overexcited and eager to watch her sleep. "It wouldn't be boring, Bella. I can work on the fundraiser, read, anything. I've gotten very good at keeping myself occupied over the decades." To know that she would be alright with having my presence in her most peaceful, vulnerable time was a true honor. 

She was smiling, but I could see the way her muscles were trying to restrain herself from grinning wider. Precious. I chuckled, leaning over to kiss her temple. "Go on up to your room, I'll drop off my car at home and get a change of clothes." I didn't want Charlie to have any suspicions, no need to paint a tale of a sleepover quite yet. 

"How will you get back in?" Bella asked, raising an eyebrow. I forgot that she hadn't seen my strength in action, or my speed, or any of my more animalistic side. I did enjoy an opportunity to show off.

I flashed her a crooked grin. "You'll see soon enough." I lightly tapped her nose and unlocked the doors for her. "I'll see you in a few minutes. Give you some human time."

Bella reaches for the handle, but hesitated. "You promise you'll come back?" Now that proved I did have some kind of heart or soul somewhere, for I could feel it twist at the sweet innocence in her voice. This was a girl who had perhaps been abandoned in the past, in one way or another. A girl who didn't know who she could trust, but had so much light and hope in her that she wanted to find the good in everyone. She didn't want to doubt me, even if she should have. 

I caressed her cheek, then let my hand fall back to the gear shift. "Just try and keep me away, Bella."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: long time no update!! i'm so sorry about that. life is weird. i hope this chapter was worth the wait, even if it's a little shorter! as always, thanks for all your support and feedback. love you all.


	12. dark sienna

As much as I knew that Bella would need some human time, and I needed to clean up my tracks by taking my car home and bringing a change of clothes for the morning, being away from the girl was like taking a dog's favorite little chew toy. Hm...Bad analogy, perhaps, but the sentiment remained the same. _Parting was such sweet sorrow,_ even if it was only for ten minutes. It didn't have to take that long, I zipped back to the family home in three, and was driven out by the ridiculous thoughts of my siblings in only fifteen seconds, but I wanted to make sure Bella could have the time to herself. I was interrupting a ritual, a nightly routine, I knew that. 

So when six minutes had passed, I let myself rest on a branch outside her bedroom window, listening to her human moments through the walls and the thin curtain separating us. Bella hummed in the shower- the tune wasn't quite recognizable to me, what I wouldn't give to hear the lyrics in the voice of her thoughts. It was something new, something I hadn't heard before, but was very much interested in. Perhaps she would keep humming it when we were together, and I wasn't being an absolute creep. I listened to the sink running, teeth brushing, bottles squeezing. I could only assume that was some form of skincare, judging by how _soft_ the girl was. 

A creak of her bed, the switch of her lamp that created a shadow of a silhouette now that she had turned off the main light. A buzz, right in my back pocket.

_Where are you?_

I grinned, pushing myself forward on the branch and letting my hands grip the edges of her window. I tapped the glass, and I didn't have to have brilliant senses to know that I had scared her out of her skin. Ah, well, something had to prove that there was indeed some small reason to fear me, no matter how sweet and kind she thought I was. I could at least get her heart pumping. She stepped forward, pulling the curtains back and staring at me with her jaw dropped as she saw how I was basically attached to the worn siding of her home. Emmett would have said it was a Spider-man move, he had replicated and recreated many a scene with climbing and flying through the air. I was more aerodynamic, though, and he hated that fact. "Evening, Bella," I crooned, an air of smugness in my tone as she pushed the window open. 

As she leaned out more into the cool air, the scent of her was more overwhelming than ever. Her hair was damp, much darker and curlier, with a strong aroma of strawberry. Her skin had a slight dewiness, from moisturizer. There was some sort of vanilla lotion on her arms, and even if the dessert itself wasn't appetizing to me, she smelled sweeter than a strawberry shortcake. I knew it was mouthwatering despite having tastebuds that weren't quite equipped for such flavors. "Of course you can scale walls and have no issue climbing up to my window," she nodded to herself, laughing in disbelief. She stepped back, and I took the chance to swing myself in to her warm, cozy room. More blankets had been piled onto her bed, more than had been there when I'd left.

Bella closed the window behind me, and crawled into her bed, just a full size. "You're welcome to lay with me," she told me, and the hope in her voice was painfully clear. I smiled and obeyed the request, sitting beside of her over the myriad of covers. I was still keeping a respectful distance, whatever boundaries were between us were quite blurry for me. I never knew how much I had relied on my mindreading before; being with Bella was much like a nearsighted person going for a drive without glasses. If their sight isn't too too bad, they might get where they need to go based on instinct and muscle memory. In such a scenario, I would very likely have driven my car into a lake by now. The girl shook her head. What was she disapproving of? She made a "shoo" gesture, and I stood up again in confusion. I watched as Bella folded back the layers of blankets, patting her patterned sheets. I sat again, raising an eyebrow as she started to pile the covers on top of me. 

"What are you doing?" I had to ask. What was her motive for all of these comforters, throws, even an afghan or two, layering over me. The weight was interesting, but not uncomfortable. The room had gotten cooler, the hum of a fan caught my attention.

The girl smiled as she nuzzled herself under all of the layers as well, and sat her phone on her bedside table. "You're cold," she replied, as if the answer was completely obvious. Which, it sort of was, but did she really think all these covers would change that? Admittedly, I'd never had the desire to try and warm myself up. It wasn't like the temperature of my skin was anything that affected me, I didn't shiver, my teeth didn't chatter. "You deserve to feel warm."

Oh. Maybe she didn't mean heat. Perhaps Bella meant...coziness. The pleasure of being snuggled up, hidden by a myriad of different fabrics and weights and textures. I had heard thoughts and memories that humans reminisced upon; rainy afternoons making forts out of blankets, or having the flu and worried mothers or fathers tucking them in and making sure they were warm, protected, safe. I didn't know if I'd ever felt anything close to that until now. Not in this life, at least. Shockingly, her methods worked. I felt safe. I felt cared for. I felt _happy._ Every time Bella brought that feeling out in me, I would probably find it as surprising as the time before, if not more so. How could such a random girl make someone like me happy, time and time again, consistently, and yet more and more intensely with each burst of joy? 

Except she wasn't random! Nothing in this world was random, a fact I had become certain of in the past century. As cliche as the phrase was, everything did happen for a reason. There was a purpose for each and every relationship in one's life, no matter how great or small, and nobody met by mistake. Bella came to Forks for a relationship with her father, to give her mother space to pursue and deepen a relationship of her own, to perhaps leave relationships that she no longer got joy from in Arizona. I was not the only person in Forks to fall in love with Bella, but I was the one who was lucky enough to have her want me in return. "Thank you," I whispered to her, letting my cheek rest on one of her extra pillows. The bed was rather slim for the two of us, so we were already so close to each other. 

She smiled, pulling back only for a moment, and within seconds, I began to hear the soft voice of Bob Ross narrating. I raised an eyebrow when she turned off her lamp and laid down again. She was dimly lit by the video on her phone, and she chuckled at my expression. "Charlie won't think I'm sleeping if I don't have that on," she explained quietly. "He knows my routine." She was right, of course; I heard the passing thoughts of Bella's father as he stepped through the hall outside her door, how he acknowledged that Bella must have been tired out from a real girls' night. When his own bedroom door closed, the girl nudged closer to rest her head just centimeters away from mine. Thank god I had built some control, each breath was a small temptation, but I was strong enough.

"Do you have questions for me?" Bella asked, and I was perplexed by this question. I knew I hadn't said much, I was opting to stay as out of her way as possible while I was invading on her space. Even if I was invited, even if she clearly wanted me close, I was respecting every boundary that might have been there. I felt as if I was doing this all wrong, and while there was a slightly liberating feeling in breaking all the rules...It would be a struggle for me to not practice every age-old custom for relationships. Or whatever Bella and I were. Fuck. She nudged my shoulder, and I made the muscles in my face move into a smile. I had been so confident and playful jumping in through her window, and I was already regressing back to Victorian virgin now that I was tucked under the covers with her. 

"I always have a million questions, Isabella, as I'm sure you do for me," I assured her with a chuckle. We were from two different worlds, two different times, two different species, one might say. It was completely natural that we would be endlessly curious about one another. I reached forward to brush back a strand of hair that had fallen from the braid I'd tied for her. "I don't know where to even begin. I've been thinking about how I'm...I'm going about this the wrong way." I had to be honest with her, even if my insecurities might be annoying at this point. I knew she didn't want me to think poorly of myself. She would get along with my family so well. 

Did Bella know how her nose crinkled the slightest bit when she was confused? How her head somehow tilted even when it was nuzzled into a pillow? How endlessly adorable her every expression and emotion was? "Going about what the wrong way?" she asked me, catching my hand before I could pull it back from her, intertwining our fingers and letting them rest on the mattress between us. 

I looked into her eyes for a long few moments, but I had to glance away. My eyes focused on a small painting of a dog on her night table as I worked to bare even more of my soul to her. "I was raised in a different time," I began. "Chivalry, grand gestures, courting, all of that. I realize that everything from my human life is now horrendously outdated, and even I don't understand why it's stuck with me so strongly when the memories of that life are so far away. As if I don't feel guilty enough for bringing you down with me, for endangering your quality of life or your life itself, I am not...romancing you in the way that I believe is right." Hearing the words spoken aloud made me feel the tiniest bit humiliated, but Bella was listening, attentive and considerate as ever. She nodded me along, and I was grateful for her patience. I knew it had to eat at her to not cut off my self-loathing; she was fully allowing me to spill my thoughts, no matter how irrational they might have seemed. "I want to know what you think. How you feel, what you're used to. How your standard for relationships and their processes differ from my own." I smiled just the slightest bit. "Suppose I want to hear how the kids see it nowadays."

Bella mirrored my small, sheepish smirk, squeezing my fingers in her own. "I think you put too much pressure on yourself," she told me, as if the thought was an admission to some sort of controversial opinion. And honestly, I hadn't heard that before. "You don't have to be perfect, or virtuous, or ethical. You don't have to fret over every move you make, or how you approach every situation. I will never be angry with you for being your genuine self and following your instincts. I understand overthinking, completely, but...You don't have to with me, okay? Just know I'm not judging, I'm not going to be scared off. And honestly, E, I don't know enough about the early 1900s to know just what kind of courting you have in mind, so that's not anywhere near the standard I have for romance." She laughed, affectionately rolling her eyes. "As for what I'm used to, that doesn't even matter now. You're so completely different than anything and anyone I've ever known, I don't want you trying to mimic what other kids my age do, or what the usual societal standard for dating is." She shrugged. "I just want you in my life. If you aren't ready for anything serious, I would completely get that. You're learning about a side of yourself that you hadn't tapped into in a century, I don't expect you to be so eager and ready to jump into anything like that." She let go of my hand to caress my cheek. "I hope you'll tell me if you have feelings like that. Like I'm doing too much too soon. I don't want to be the one to scare _you_ away."

My smile grew, and though my muscles didn't feel pain anymore, I was certain that Bella would have kept my face sore. I would have never complained. That was the best sort of pain I could have, even if I deserved much worse...No. No, perhaps I didn't deserve the worst torture. How could this be sin, if Bella was here, smiling, happy to touch me? I knew that Bella was such a good, whole, sweet, intelligent human. She was brave, yes, and clearly enjoyed a bit of a rush, but if someone like her cared for me, how bad could I be? A startling revelation, one I would have to work through on my own time. Time with Bella was not for self-reflection or psychoanalysis. I had to cherish every single second. I learned forward to press a soft, fleeting kiss to the corner of her mouth. "Thank you, Bella. I will make a strong effort to...not make so much of an effort to conform to what my or your society thinks." I chuckled, and her eyes crinkled up. Soon after her sweet smile, her lips stretched out into a yawn. 

So sweet. Bob Ross was still dabbing paint onto a canvas, I glanced over the brunette's shoulder to see the man building a landscape of mountains, trees, a winding river. I could see where Bella gathered her artistic inspiration, but I preferred her style much more. "You're tired," I added, my voice dropping in volume. I stroked her hair, watching the curls bounce with the movement. "Please, rest. We have plenty of time to chat in the morning."

The girl sighed, but shifted closer to me so that her head was pressed into my chest, wrapping an arm around my waist to hug me under the covers. I understood another purpose of the covers; she could stay close to me remain toasty warm. "I could talk to you all night, you know," she mumbled, her voice muffled against the fabric of my top. 

"I know," I whispered, pressing my lips to the top of her head and breathing deeply. I'd never forget her scent. Not just in a predatory sort of way, but the familiar, homey feeling that came with her shampoos, her lotions, just the natural smell of Bella. "But you've got to be human, and you need to sleep. I'll be right here, all night," I promised her. Rather than continuing to keep speaking, to keep holding her attention, I began to hum. The song started off as simple classical, Beethoven and Mozart, but started to morph into some melody of my own creation. I let Bob Ross autoplay until Bella's phone died, and I slipped from her grasp just quick enough to plug it in so it wouldn't be drained in the morning. 

The absence didn't go unnoticed by Bella, a small whine slipping from her pouty, parted lips as she dreamed, and I happily settled beside of her again. I laid on my back, letting her cuddle against me in whatever way was most comfortable for her. I didn't stop serenading her, quite grateful that I didn't need to breathe, and that my vocal cords would never wear out. The music seemed to soothe her, to a point where she was even beginning to sigh contently, or hum, or even...

" _Edythe._ "

I'd studied almost every subject, every philosopher, every aspect of math, science, human behavior. I'd read so much about how it felt to love and be loved, even hearing the thoughts in the members of my family. Hearing my name from Bella's lips while she was in a phase of deep sleep was something completely different. The closest sensation I could relate it to was the feeling of my parents praising me, or when I confidently finished a song I'd composed. Almost like a modest sort of pride, something close to guilt for feeling so fulfilled and _happy._ Like the emotions were so strong they were nearly painful. 

My arms tightened ever so slightly on Bella's form, which was tangled up against mine, and wrapped up in layers of blankets and throws. I would never let her go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: as always, sorry for the wait, thank you for the feedback, follow me on tumblr. love you all.


	13. cadmium yellow hue

The night was spent listening to Bella breathe, and occasionally I would lean over her to tap the next Bob Ross video on a seemingly endless playlist. It was meditative, calming, I didn't have any other thoughts for once in my life. I could tune everything out and truly just exist, nothing more. As the stars began to fade outside, and the sun began to rise, my phone buzzed. I knew the peace couldn't last forever. 

_Sunny day today. Jazz and I are going to Canada, Rose and Emmett are going to the fuck-house. What will you and Bella do?_

I rolled my eyes at the way my sister wrote, but it was nothing new. It seemed to be routine when Forks had the rare day of sun; Alice and Jasper would have a day out of the country, likely doing the same things Rosalie and Em did in their "fuck-house," buried deep in the forests of Washington. Esme and Carlisle were wildcards, though. Some days my mother would spend the day drawing, designing, or even cooking. Carlisle would study, do video conferences...Or seduce his wife into making a run to the island for the day, where they could appreciate the heat. All the same, I had no idea whatsoever what I would do now. My routines had changed now that Bella was in the picture. Alice never had to ask what I would do, but now there wasn't just me. There was me and _Bella._ A package deal.

I typed back to her with the one hand that wasn't wrapped around the sleeping brunette: _I'm not sure. What options do you see?_

Yes, I was cheating. Asking Alice for multiple futures I could pick and choose from, rather than actually making a decision before knowing any outcomes was silly, and a bit childish. Honestly, though, who wouldn't take advantage of such a talent? There were many reasons Alice was usually my favorite sibling, and I couldn't deny that her gift was just a tiny factor. 

_I'll never tell. My best friend deserves a girlfriend who can make decisions for herself rather than abusing the power of **her** best friend, don't you think?_

Maybe she wasn't my favorite. Damn. I did have plenty of options for how I could spend a day with Bella: a hike, a trip to a foreign place that was cloudy and cool, a day in doing nothing but painting and talking...But Bella still had a life of her own. She was in high school. She had academics, and responsibility, and I wasn't quite sure if I wanted her to throw that away for a day to impulsively run off with her vampire girlfriend. If that's what I was. Was it established now? The answer felt obvious, but I didn't want to make any assumptions at all. Of course I wanted a day with her all to myself, but my conscience would not allow that yet. In the future, that might be a possibility, but not so soon. I had enough subliminal guilt to sift through without adding to the pile. 

_You're going to try to make her go to school? Oh, Edie. Good luck with that._

So the decision had solidified in Alice's visions, brilliant. The process of making it a reality would be a struggle, likely an all out war, but I had to try. As charming, and amazingly stubborn, as this beautiful girl was, I had to remain strong. Bella was the absolute light of my life, but she could not know just how much she had me wrapped around her finger. An annoying sound from her alarm clock made the girl squirm in my arms. The blaring, repetitive beeps turned into morning radio, over-excited news anchors talking about the latest celebrity gossip, the traffic, and lastly...the weather. Bella was clearly awake, I could hear how her heartbeat had changed and how she was just barely wiggling her toes and stretching her legs. Not to mention the way her hands gripped around my waist tighter. She was avoiding the inevitable: waking up and returning to reality. I couldn't blame her. 

"Good morning, Bella," I whispered to her, kissing the top of her head. She hummed in response, and I chuckled. "Come on, up and at 'em. I'm not sure how much more I can tolerate of whatever this station is." Bella sighed, blinking her eyes a few times before looking up at me. The sun was beginning to rise, shining through the curtains to bring out the subtle red that hid within the rest of her warm chocolate hair. She had the tiniest bit of drool dried to the corner of her mouth, sleep crusting at the edges of her eyes. Those little human things might have seemed less than stunning, but I was enthralled. 

Bella finally rolled out of my arms, stretching her arms up over her head, I could hear a light pop from her shoulder and couldn't deny the brief moment of concern. She reached over to turn the radio off, picking up her phone for just one moment. She looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "You plugged it in?" she asked, a small smile creeping to her lips. "Thanks. I'm always dead by the time I get to school." Ah, so it was a nasty habit to not plug it in before sleep. I would happily adopt the routine for her sake, and to see that little smile every morning. She made her way out of bed, stretching again when she was standing, and looked toward me. "Give me a few human minutes." I nodded, and she was off. 

I watched her rummage through her closet and retreat into her bathroom. No shower this morning, but I listened to her brush her teeth, zip up jeans and button a flannel. A brush through her hair, the snapping of an elastic as she tied it into a ponytail. When she emerged, she looked me up and down. "I guess you don't have to do anything to get ready, do you?" she asked, before starting to load up her backpack for the day.

"I actually won't be able to go to school with you today," I reluctantly began, and her movements stopped. "It's going to be sunny today, Bella, my family won't be able to attend. You've heard the rumors, I'm sure, that Carlisle pulls us out to hike, go on outings, all that. And you know why I won't be able to show myself there." I held my hand into a stream of light pouring in, letting my skin erupt into sparkles before her eyes.

Bella's teeth hooked her on her bottom lip for a moment. What was she thinking? What did she want to do, what did she want _me_ to do? She sat down at her desk, tugging on her boots and sighing. "Charlie will notice if I don't go down for breakfast, and I'm such a bad liar that he'll know I'm not sick. But my truck is still at La Push, so...I guess we act like you're coming to get me, and then we ditch." She raised an eyebrow, reading my expression for if that was acceptable for me.

I gave her a sad smile. "Bella, you should go to class. You know me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself, knowing you would compromise your education for me. Besides, you have a test in biology today." It seemed like such a small event, one that felt ridiculous to take into consideration, but Bella wouldn't have a million chances to be a good student like I did. Like my siblings did. We had nothing to lose when it came to our academics; we could be whoever we wanted to be and do it all again a few years later. "Of course I will give you a ride, and I can come back when it gets dark..." It seemed like a fair compromise, but I was prepared for the push back from her.

"I know you could write me a hell of an excuse note, probably could do a perfect forgery of Charlie's signature without even looking," she argued. "And you can dazzle whoever would question it." Her tone had a slight lilt to it, a whine that made her sound younger. Made her sound her age, I suppose. I sighed, going over to her desk and resting my hands on her shoulders. I just barely scratched at the fabric, and as if by magic, she lost some of the tension built there. "You're really going to abandon me there?" she asked, her voice quieter now.

My head tilted in confusion. Did Bella not enjoy school? Well, what student did, but she had friends. She knew people besides me, she didn't seem to hate her time there so much. "You will be fine, Bella," I assured her, caressing her cheek. "You've had thousands of days in your life where you didn't have me to sit with at lunch." I smirked. "The sun shines so rarely in Forks, it won't become routine. Just one little day. A few hours, and you can text me whenever you want through the day." Was she becoming as addicted to me as I was to her? I didn't want our attachment to detach her from her friends, her family. She only had one shot at this human thing. "Your friends probably have a lot of questions, and they don't deserve to be left completely in the dust, Isabella." I was selfish, but I couldn't hog her all to myself.

Her perfect lips slid into the most pitiful pout, but she nodded. Maybe, deep down, she could see my suggestion was just for her to make the most of the situation, and it was for her own good. She would have her test, she wouldn't have an extra absence, she would be able to reconnect with the other kids in her life. I almost felt like I was telling a child to eat carrots because it was good for them, even if I knew ice cream would be so much more enjoyable. "I'm sure everyone has a lot to say about me and my hot vampire girlfriend," she finally replied, a smile creeping in to replace the frown.

Oh. So that was that, then, I was the girlfriend. The _hot_ girlfriend. Obviously not literally, but I did feel a rush of smugness wash over me, like whenever Esme would compliment my music, or when I would overhear Carlisle expressing his pride of me to any stranger he might meet. Not only was I _the_ hot vampire girlfriend. I was her _hot_ vampire girlfriend. I swallowed my overwhelming joy, chuckling. "I'm sure they do. Don't give them all the dirty details, let them sit and wonder. The mystery is what everyone lives for. You included." After all, the oddness and vagueness of my whole being had appealed to her. It appealed to everyone, I was involuntarily attractive to everyone I met. But it could be useful, and not to mention, it could be incredibly fun. I hated that I would be missing the looks on Jessica's, Mike's, Tyler's faces. I stepped back, holding up a hand for her so she could pull herself onto her feet. "You want us to be public, then?" I asked. 

Bella shrugged her shoulders, looking up at me with the sweetest little smile. "I think everyone will kinda figure it out." She was right about that one, people already had theories. "If you don't want to be, we don't have to be. Promise, it won't hurt my feelings at all either way, E. Your call."

I wasn't doing this the right way. I should have roses, and chocolate, and her father's approval as a friend before venturing into this, but I thought back to the talk Bella and I had had last night. I didn't need to restrict myself to the ideals of 1918, or whatever way relationships progressed a hundred years later. Me and Bella were not like anyone else. What we were was in a whole other world. Rules did not apply here. "I would like the school to know I'm yours, yes," I replied quietly, my voice naturally taking on a soft sort of croon. She had my heart.

Especially when her cheeks went _that_ shade of red. "Flirt," she said back to me, looking at her shoes and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. I loved when she was brave, head on, and stubborn, but she was so perfect when she was shy. Would there ever be a side to her that rubbed me the wrong way? Unlikely. "I want them to know that, too. And that I'm yours...Cuz I am." She laughed, clearly a little awkward with this level of romance, but she didn't seem uncomfortable. So I could verbally wax poetic to her, and she wouldn't run. Wouldn't be scared off. She would reciprocate. I had to trust that.

I leaned down to give her a kiss on her lips. I was growing bolder, more confident in what was and was not okay. The sound of her heartbeat accelerating let me know that she was more than fine with this display, combined with how her hand reached up to bury her fingers into my hair. As perfect as it was, I could feel her pressing for more, and my own desire was likely to get the best of me. I had to pull away, I had to stop her...this time. "I'm going to slip out and go back home to grab my car," I whispered, my lips just barely ghosting against hers. "Eat breakfast while I'm away, will you? You didn't have anything more than popcorn last night." I scolded myself for letting her go to bed hungry, her stomach rumbling at the very mention of food. 

Bella nodded before stepping up onto her tiptoes to meet my lips again. "I'll eat, don't worry," she assured me. "Gotta make sure Charlie has a bite, too." 

I reluctantly pulled back from her, slipping out the window and catching a glimpse of her leaving her room and going down the stairs. I had to force myself to run back home, rather than eavesdrop on her time with her father before he went to work. _Boundaries, Edythe._ When the thoughts of family began to drip into my mind, I did my best to tune them out. There was some teasing, of course, and concern regarding my staying the night with Bella. I couldn't fault my siblings, mostly Jasper and Rose, for worrying over how we had spent our night. Frankly, I didn't want to disappoint or disgust them with my sappy, cuddly, _romantic_ night. On another note, I didn't want to share that information. I wanted my nights with Bella to be just ours. Even if Alice got a peek or two.

Once I picked her up once more, she was quieter than usual. I knew she was still tired, from the way she was stifling her yawns, and almost curling up in my passengers' seat. She didn't put in any of my CD's, listening to some morning news anchors blabbing about celebrity relationships, and the latest fashion flops. I held her hand on the gear shift, making sure to tilt her cool skin so it would be hit by the warm air coming from my vent. "Are you alright?" I had to ask, I had to be sure. Even if I couldn't sense any extreme tension, I couldn't hear her. I couldn't hear if she was calm and happy. So I had to do the exhausting, human technique, I had to actually ask. 

Bella turned her head to look at me with a small smile. "I'm okay," she said softly. She sighed. "I really don't want to go through today without you, but I get why I need to." The sun was shining through the window, and she turned my hand so she could catch the stream of glitter on my wrist. 

Was she so dependent on me already? The thought should have upset me. I brought her hand to my lips, kissing her knuckles softly. "You will be fine. Keep me updated on your day, if that makes you feel better. I can keep you posted on mine. Then...You can come over to my house. We can finish up everything we need to for the fundraiser." What in the hell was I signing myself up for? Inviting Bella to my house, the infamous Cullen household. Some students had imagined it before, wondered where we could live. It wasn't in the rich neighborhoods, in the subdivisions, or out towards the reservation. It might have been a haunted house. Maybe all of our odd couplings had their own apartments, or we were rich enough that we could each have our own mansions. Another mystery would be revealed for Bella. I'd have to beg my family to not scare her off, but there was that tiny curiosity on if that would even be possible. No doubt a few of my siblings would want to challenge that for themselves.

Her eyes lit up. Ah, so I had found a nice reward to get her through the day. She _would_ be excited to go meet a family of vampires. "I get to meet everyone?" she asked, squeezing my hand.

"Provided everyone is home, yes," I chuckled. "I'm sure those who will want to meet you will jump at the opportunity." I parked the car in the back of the lot, watching as other kids began to clump together to get their morning gossip in, or sneaking cigarettes, or hastily eating their fast-food breakfast.

That was a mistake for me to say, that look of hope turned into something hesitant, shy. "Some don't want to meet me?" she asked. My heart would have shattered if it had the ability.

I squeezed her hand again, a gentle reassurance. "They don't understand us, Bella. A couple of my siblings are confused by our relationship, they worry for me. It is nothing personal against you. Don't worry about them." I leaned over to kiss her temple. I wouldn't let any of them speak any ill thoughts against her. Bella didn't deserve them. I was more than willing to let them think their thoughts going against my decisions, but this girl was too pure for that. She was just getting mixed up with the wrong people. Not that I would ever put a stop to that.

It had been so peaceful spending the night with Bella. The contrast between her bedroom and the parking lot was so drastic, the thoughts of all of the teenagers was overwhelming. I would need this day to ease back into my abilities, evidently. Who would have ever thought I'd become out of practice with mindreading; I'd never had such a true break from it before. "You should go to class," I reminded her, very gently. I knew there would be no way to say it that would make either of us feel better about the eight hours of separation, no inflection that would keep the pout from forming on her lips. "You'll have a good day, Isabella." Maybe if I said that with enough confidence, she would will it to be true.

Her mouth forced itself into a small smile. "I know it'll be fine," she told me. "I'll just miss you." She said the words so shyly. She wasn't the most confident girl, but she could hold her own. She was stronger than she let on. I could tell admitting that she would miss me was strange for her, and it brought about a rather unusual set of emotions from me as well. What a mess we were. I leaned forward to press my lips against hers, cradling my hand on her cheek for a few lingering moments. 

"I will miss you, too. Even if it's a bright day, it will be a sunless one without you," I murmured to her once I finally pulled away. 

That stiff grimace turned into a full-fledged grin, and the clouds of pink rushed up to her cheeks. "Sweet girl," she cooed to me. She combed her fingers through the ends of my hair, then picked up her backpack. "I'll see you later, E. And I'll be blowing up your phone all day. Count on it."

And with that, she was gone. A clean break, I suppose, we didn't need to stay chatting and drawing out a simple goodbye. We could say goodbye for hours if we wanted to. I watched her go, picking up on the passing thoughts of the students she came across. A lot of envy, that my family and I got pulled out on bright days. Envy that Bella was riding with me. Confusion on just why I had fallen for Bella, of all people. They didn't know her like I did. They didn't know a thing. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*

When I returned to the family home, it was mostly empty. I had to contemplate whether or not I wanted to let everyone know that Bella would be coming, or if Alice would spoil it herself. I didn't have to be in close proximity to her mind to know she had seen the vision of her arrival, and she would drag Jasper all the way back from Canada to properly introduce herself. Jasper worried me, but I had to have some confidence in him. He had been doing so well in school this year, and he would definitely get his fill of blood up in the woods.

As for Rose and Emmett, I wouldn't be angry if they didn't come back tonight. Emmett, he would be fine. He and Bella would probably get along too well for my liking. But Rosalie...I didn't know if anyone was ready for _that_ meeting yet. Esme and Carlisle didn't worry me in the slightest. Nothing beyond the typical adolescent embarrassment that I was already more than used to. I hoped.

I wasn't quite sure what to do myself for the whole day. The hours passed so slowly. I did some hunting, feasting on a few deer while Bella sent me strange photos. "Memes," she called them. Was I really so out of touch? I listened to these children all the time, but I had never given much thought to their nonsensical thoughts, or mental imagery of frogs with gloomy dispositions. She found this adorable, of course, and proceeded to spend the day intermittently sending me her favorite images and captions, along with detailed explanations for a "grandma" like me, as she put it. 

When the hunt was done, I tidied up the house. There wasn't much to clean, we weren't the messiest of creatures, but I tried. I dusted, I rearranged some of my CD's, I set up a small area for us to paint later. I dug blankets from the closet, along with some pillows. I'd had no need for any of it, especially after Alice kicked me out of my previous room that had had a small bed. I let her redecorate as she saw fit, leaving me with the small sofa, then nothing but music and art supplies. Good enough for me, but was it good enough for Bella?

 _What does she like to eat?_ Esme's thoughts reached out to me. 

I had some ideas of the food Bella liked. She had eaten at the diner, she liked Italian, she cooked decent meals for Charlie, and she liked chocolate. Esme could make nearly anything in the world, it was just a matter of choosing what would be the best for the first human to enter this house in years. Decades, even.

"Anything you make, she will love," I murmured under my breath as I fluffed up a pillow. "I've only ever seen her eat a few things, and she seems to lean more towards the unhealthy foods, if that helps. But please, feel free to make something good for her. It would soothe me for just a moment." I didn't know that I was concerned for Bella's eating habits until speaking to my mother. I hadn't seen Bella eat a vegetable before, rarely a fruit. Yes, if Esme wanted to take this opportunity to give her some nutrition, I wouldn't go against that at all. 

_Healthy, but delicious. I'm on it._

Part of me wanted to insist that she not make a full course meal, to not overload the poor thing. But Esme was a mother. Esme was a caring woman, eager to jump on every opportunity to coddle and nurture someone. It didn't help that Bella's mother was across the country; I could hear Esme's thoughts towards my Bella, how warm they were. If I didn't keep an eye on her, she would adopt Bella and love her just as strongly as she had loved all of my siblings the moment she met us. I didn't know if anyone on this planet was worthy of Esme's love, but Bella was likely the closest.

I slipped out of the house to go to Bella's once more, grabbing our flower pots to set up in my room. Perhaps I was going all out, creating a wide spread of paints and brushes, putting the pots on small pedestals. Tonight meant a lot to me, more than I was willing to admit to even myself. I never knew that I could care for someone in this way, to such a degree. To feel like my hands might begin to shake at the idea of my _girlfriend_ meeting my family. I hadn't known that I could ever have both the way that I did. When it was just Carlisle and I, in the very beginning, I never would have guessed. To have a mother, sisters, brothers, and _Bella._ I was overwhelmed with the idea that I didn't deserve it, but I was so very grateful that I did. Even if everything felt so temporary. 

I took a deep breath as I sat on my sofa, looking out at the space I'd set up for us. My phone lit up, and I received a text from Bella. It was lunch time for her, I should have expected more messages from her, though I hoped she was also talking to her friends in my absence.

**Be glad you aren't here. You'd think I grew a second head or something. And now everyone wants to know EVERYTHING about you, about us. I'm tempted to start making up stories.**

Poor thing. I had created such an extreme level of mystery to myself, I couldn't blame everyone for being curious. It was easier to ask Bella questions about her strange girlfriend than to ask me head on. Teenagers didn't have that level of confidence or confrontation. I typed back to her swiftly:

_I'll play along if you want to start a rumor about me being an alien. Just let me know my home planet, I'll do my research._

**As if you don't already know everything about every planet. And you'd be from Venus, obviously.**

_Obviously?_

**Allure, desire, beauty, affection. Seems like the symbolism aligns pretty well for how everyone feels about you.**

_Everyone, you think. Silly, I can hear what they all think. They don't_ all _find me so fascinating._

**Just a vast majority.**

_Maybe so. But they don't matter. Not one. Though I hope you are actually bonding with your human friends and not just texting the alien under the table._

**You know, you can read me much better than you think.**

_Bella, dear. Talk to the humans. Talk to people your age. It's good for you._

**Yeah, yeah, I know. Just miss you. You could sit at our table with us, you know. I'd like that a lot. Best of both worlds.**

_If you would want that, of course._

**I know Jessica is annoying, and Mike and Eric are...guys, but you know. They're cool. I wouldn't let them say anything mean to you.**

_Trust me, Bella, I know you wouldn't. And they also wouldn't have the nerve. I like you, that's enough for me. Also, Angela is a very nice girl._

**She is, yeah. Then sit with me tomorrow. Will we be back to gloom and grey weather? I never thought I'd actually be excited for rain.**

_According to lead weatherwoman Alice Cullen, the dark and dreary will resume tomorrow morning. We'll be back._

**Perfect.**

**Hey, I found a song I wanted you to listen to. I'll warn you, it's going to be cheesy. I heard it on Pandora when I was in study hall.**

_I would love to listen. Don't worry about cheesy._

**I Only Have Eyes for You by Billie Holiday. Have you heard it before?**

In that moment, I could have died a happy woman. _Of course_ I knew this song. I had all of Billie Holiday's albums, in the form of vinyls, cassettes, CD's, and MP3's. I appreciated that music so much, and the sentiment of that song coming from Bella...It was a cheesy feeling. Like my lifeless heart had melted into hot fondue. I pulled the record off of the shelf, putting it into my player and sending Bella a photo of the evidence.

**Should've known. You have every bit of music that has ever existed, don't you?**

_I am surprisingly lacking in the Kidz Bop anthology.  
But thank you, Bella. I love this song very much, it's nice to hear it again. Why did you want me to listen to it?_

**I've started to listen to older music to try and imagine your life in those times. That song came out in the 50s, right? I like to think about what you looked like, how you acted. How I would have acted if we had met in those years instead of today. And I think I would have wanted you to hear that song back then, too. It's kind of timeless, how I feel now is exactly how I would have felt then.**

_Oh. Yes. Music has a way of doing that. Songs I heard when I was a child are still so important to me today._

I chewed on my bottom lip. How she felt now, how she would've felt then. In this song. Billie Holiday crooned to me, "Are the stars out tonight? I don't know if it's cloudy or bright, 'cause I only have eyes for you." 

_You know the feelings are mutual. You're very sweet._

**I try. Wish I didn't have to go to Biology. If only some gorgeous vampire from Venus would come rescue me.**

_Ah, no chance. I'll see you soon enough, Bella. Have a little more patience for me, then you can meet all the other aliens._

**Yes, madame. I'll see you later.**

I chuckled at the name Bella chose to give me. I could hear more thoughts approaching, my family was returning home. Alice and Jasper first. All of Alice's mind was bubbly, fast, excited. Jasper, more reserved. Worried. I was glad that he was concerned; confidence would have terrified me more. If Jasper was aware of the risks, he could keep a firm grip on himself. I set my phone down, zipping down the stairs to meet the couple face to face.

"Alice, please don't make a fuss-" I began, before the pixie girl cut in.

"Edythe, my best friend is coming over! I'm going to get real time with her, where I can be _myself._ If I want to make a small fuss, I am more than allowed!" she insisted, a wide grin glued on her face. She was so happy, so thrilled. Unfortunately I didn't have the willpower to try and reel her in further, her giddiness was only making me more excited. And anxious. But mostly excited. Jasper was definitely manipulating the mood as well, which I appreciated. He was putting in a genuine effort to make this experience a good one. I turned to face him.

"Are you going to be alright?" I asked, hoping it wasn't an offensive question. His thoughts assured me that that was not the case.

My brother gave me a nod. "I will be alright," he replied, even if there was the slightest edge of worry there. _I apologize for anything I might think about Bella. I promise you that any frustration comes from a place of trying to control myself. I can see that she makes you happy, I barely have to make any effort to lift the mood._

I smiled at him, nodding. I understood why he projected those thoughts to me, rather than saying them aloud to Alice. She would be very angry if she knew Jasper would think poorly of her best friend, but I understood the angst that the human would bring for him. I appreciated him for putting up with it for me, for wanting to better himself for the sake of my happiness.

"Emmett wants to meet Bella, too, but..." Alice didn't have to finish the statement, not even in her thoughts. 

"Then he should meet her," Esme spoke from the kitchen, amongst the sounds of sizzling and stirring on the oven top. "Rosalie can put aside her differences for her own sister, I'd hope." I hadn't heard disapproval from my mother often, but it was clear to me that the way Rose felt about Bella bothered her. "Or at least for Emmett, or Alice. They want to know Bella, she shouldn't hold anyone back." 

I sighed, running my fingers back through her hair. "I'm not going to beg for her presence, Esme," I replied. Bella wouldn't deserve her coldness either way. "If she is willing to be polite and decent enough for the sake of the rest of us, I would appreciate it. But if she can't, I don't want Bella to think that she has done anything wrong. She's already worried enough that you all won't like her."

"When she leaves today, she will know that we like her very much," Esme stepped out of the kitchen to put her hands on my shoulders, squeezing them gently. "No matter what. And she will leave with plenty of leftovers for her and her father." She pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek, and I couldn't help but smile again. Esme was right. Even if Rose came, and she wasn't the friendliest to Bella, the girl would be loved so intensely by my family. 

I patted my mom's hand before taking a step back. I didn't excuse myself, my family was rather used to me just leaving when I was done having a conversation. When I seated myself at the piano, they knew what I would be doing with the last few hours before I would have to go get Bella. Composing, playing, I could get lost in it for days at a time if I wasn't careful.

The tune I wanted to play today was for Bella. I wanted her to hear it when she arrived, Esme would no doubt call me a show off. But it was a dedication, it was a way I could express my affection for her without embarrassing myself with words. My fingers traveled the keys and I very quietly began to sing the lyrics to myself.

_I don't know if we're in a garden, or on a crowded avenue. You are here, so am I. Maybe millions of people go by, but they all disappear from view, and I only have eyes for you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: WOW HI it's been a while!! I am so sorry for that. Real life is wild. New job, messy breakup, deciding to give my whole life to a musical for a few months. I have missed this fic and all of the lovelies who continue to read it. Please know I read all the comments and every favorite email, and I appreciate you! I am planning on just one more chapter for this fic, and hopefully it won't take me so long to write it, but no promises! As always, follow me on @sitdownlookpale on tumblr and be my buddy.
> 
> The one song mentioned is "I Only Have Eyes for You" by Billie Holiday.


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